Better to Ask Forgiveness than Permission...right?

Have you ever heard the phrase: "It's better to ask forgiveness than permission"? Have you ever said it?

I hope you wouldn't be that rude.

It is usually said (somewhat) in jest by a person who wouldn’t actually do the thing they're suggesting, even if they really want to, because they know what they want to do is wrong and possibly hurtful.

However, it shows they are contemplating doing whatever it is anyway, because it is something they really want to do. And they throw out that phrase to a friend, or a group, and will possibly decide how to proceed based on the reaction of others.

Scenario:
Perpetrator: ”I hate how dark the dining room seems. My landlord has not given me permission to tear down a wall in the rental house, but I really want an open plan living space. Well, better to ask forgiveness than permission, am I right?"

Friend: [looking at Perpetrator speechless] “Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You should call your landlord and discuss it first.”

[Perpetrator proceeds to knock down wall]

(Just to clarify- this is the wrong thing to do. Saying something afterward such as: ”By the way- I knocked down that wall between the living and dining rooms. I think you're gonna love how it looks! And sorry it cost more than I expected, but that’s what rent is for amiright?” and then waggle your eyebrows up and down. Even if you are on the phone.)

People who use this phrase in their actual lives, and not in just Hypothetical World are selfish. Do you disagree?

Maybe you think that’s an extreme example. Okay, maybe it is. Let’s put it in another light, shall we?

Your teen is invited to a party on an afternoon they know you need the car to go to work. (Let’s assume you work second shift. Yeah, I’m sorry too. I'll talk to you imaginary boss and get you moved to first shift pronto.)

Instead of discussing things with you like a rational adult, your teen takes the car without permission, goes to a party you know nothing about, and makes you late for work because they had to drop someone off on the way home.

When confronted they say something like: “Well, I didn’t want to bother you. I knew you were napping, and if I woke you up, then you wouldn’t have enough sleep to get through your shift. And dad wasn’t here to ask, so I thought I could just go. It was at Sarah’s house- you LOVE Sarah. I planned to be home on time, but Joe needed a ride home. I don't know what you're so worked up about. Sorry.” [And they proceed to roll their eyes and toss the keys on the counter before leaving the room.]

They haven’t actually said the phrase “Better to ask forgiveness than permission” to your face, but they’re clearly implying it through their actions.

And they aren’t really sorry, are they? Maybe sorry they got caught. Maybe sorry you’re going to have a serious conversation with them when you get home from work. Most definitely sorry they will lose driving privileges. But not sorry they went ahead without permission, and had fun.

And that's the big issue I have with this phrase- that the person saying it is being flippant. They are choosing to do what they want because they know if they ask for permission, the answer will be ’NO’. And instead of risking that, they proceed, hoping everything will go well, and they can ‘ask forgiveness’ from the other party.

And that always ends with them really trying to convince the other party they did nothing wrong.

You can ask me how I know this to be true, but I’ll just tell you. The ‘Perpetrator’ many times was me. Oh, not in the above scenarios exactly, but in some similar, and definitely in some much more hurtful.

But if I’ve learned anything since becoming a Christ follower, it’s this: that isn’t how loving relationships work.

You can’t do whatever you want, Perpetrator, and then expect that the logical result will be that the offended person HAS to forgive or accept your actions in order for life to proceed smoothly. That’s a wrong and selfish expectation. And if you are a follower of Christ, it isn’t biblical, either.

Asking for forgiveness means that I recognize what I’ve done as wrong, and I am grieved over it. I am in a place where I have been convicted, and humbled, and truly seek to restore relationship and make changes going forward.

Not sure what that looks like? Go read Psalm 51.

Let's strike this phrase from our vocabulary, shall we? I have heard it from missionaries, other Christians, friends, and previous co-workers. And it's just not okay.

Flippant isn't a fruit of the Spirit, and has no place in the life of a believer. We need to be a people of integrity. A people who act with thoughtfulness, who seek God prior to acting, and have the best interest of others at heart.

That's how Jesus shines through us as a light in the world.

Psalm 15
(1) A Psalm of David. LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill?
(2) He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart.
(3) He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour.
(4) In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD. He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not.
(5) He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved.

Galatians 5:13-17
(13) For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
(14) For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
(15) But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
(16) This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
(17) For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

Colossians 4:5-6
(5) Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.
(6) Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

1 Corinthians 13:4-6
(4) Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
(5) Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
(6) Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Redeeming the Time

Redeeming the Time. This was the theme for a ladies conference I attended in March.  Little did we know how much we needed this reminder in the coming days.  During the conference we had little WiFi, there was some talk of this virus going around the world, but for the most part we all unplugged and enjoyed the time with fellow Christians, time in the Word, and time in God's beautiful Creation.  

"Redeeming the time,  because the days are evil."  

Ephesian 5:16

Looking back I can't imagine a more perfect theme for the conference. When we all went home from this lovely weekend away our world as we knew it was different.  For many of us this was the last real fellowship we would have for months.  Who would ever have thought that the ENTIRE world would go into lockdown.  No sports activities, no coffee meet-ups,  no dinner at a restaurant, no church.  For those that said, "I just wish we had an extra day in the week"  or " I just wish I had more time at home, " well, you now have all the time in the world.  What are you doing with it?  Are you redeeming the time?  Are you making the most of it?

I feel as if God has given us a huge blessing, and I want to make the most of it.  Sure there are things to clean and declutter and Netflix to binge watch...but there are other important matters to tend to - our relationship with our family and with God.  I wish I could say when all this went down that that was my main focus.  Nope, I went into the cleaning and decluttering mode with a bit of Netflix and Facebook (ok, a lot) on the side.  Then I had a few days where I just didn't know what to do with myself (quarantine hangover maybe?) and I began to think of our conference and the theme - REDEEM THE TIME. I was not redeeming the time.  I was squandering it.  I felt incredibly guilty.  But no time to waste feeling guilty, I needed to ask for forgiveness and REDEEM THE TIME God had given me.  

I wanted to focus on two areas - my relationship with God and my relationship with my family.  It was time to put my phone down and truly redeem the time.  Sure there are still dishes to be done, laundry to be washed, folded, and put away, floors to vacuum, stuff to tidy, but more importantly there were/are souls in my home that needed tending.  Please know, I have not "arrived," I still have work to do, but I made the first step and am making a conscientious effort to love on my family more and be more intentional with my moments...to ahem, REDEEM THE TIME with my loved ones.  I will say I am so enjoying church at home on the lounge with my family.  I will probably miss this most when we start our "new"normal.  

The next area I am focusing on is my relationship with God.  Yes, a missionary/pastor's wife of many years still needs to work on their relationship with God.  This is an area that a Christian never comes to a point where they no longer need to work on it, you don't just arrive and are holy, it's a continual, daily habit we need to work on until the Lord calls us home.  My heart's desire that "I may know him" (Philippians 3:10).

How does this look?  How does one work on their relationship with God?  Well, the first thing is to study your Bible.  Not just read it, but to also study it.  Get in there, read, research, study.  Get to know God.  I recently read a book that has changed the way I read my Bible.  It's called, "Women of the Word, How to Study the Bible with both our Hearts and our Minds" by Jen Wilkin.  I don't often recommend books because every person is different and what may affect one person in one way will not affect another.  But this book truly helped me learn new ways to study the Bible and has inspired me to read and study the Bible more.  

Growing closer to there Lord also requires time spent in prayer.  Why is this such a hard area?  I've heard many messages and read many articles about prayer.  Because of that I'm convinced it's not just me that struggles in this area.  It's a struggle for many because it requires time and effort to pray.  Sounds silly, right?  We're just talking to God, why does that require effort?  Because we cannot see Him and because we are not as close to Him as we think we are.  It requires dedicated time.  Here are a few ways that have helped me stay focused in my prayer time.  

• I schedule a time.  It's like a date with just God and me.  I work hard at not missing this time and also not being late.
• I make a list.  I have an ongoing prayer list and I have a weekly list.  When it's written out I can be more focused.
• I remove distractions.  I try to find a place where I know I won't be interrupted.  This place changes daily.  Sometimes it's in my room, sometimes it's in the car on my way to the grocery store.  Wherever it is, I remove as many distractions as possible.

I'm sure you can add to this list, but I wanted to share how God has been working on my heart during this time.  Remember, none of this took God by surprise.  He knows the beginning, the middle, and the end.  He has a plan and purpose.  We simply need to trust Him and REDEEM THE TIME.

Just wanted to share this photo from a recent walk with my kids where we were 

REDEEMING THE TIME.

Rumble Strip Warning

Have you ever driven off the road a little and experienced the lovely rumble strips?

And then had a heart attack because it sounded like a monster-movie-sized wasp was now in your car, or had possibly picked it up and was shaking it?

(Asking for a friend.)

Those rumble strips are there for our safety. If we start to fall asleep, or God forbid, are driving and looking at our phone, we can veer off the road. It's not hard to do at all! It can even happen when you're wide awake and looking at the road the whole time. But that jolt will get you back in the center pretty quickly!

Sometimes it feels like there's magnets in those strips, drawing the car to that side of the road. Especially if your spouse or travel partner has fallen asleep in the passenger seat, and you're tired of being the only one awake.

Don't look at me like that.

I have looked at these strips as an annoyance when someone else was driving and kept veering off the road for some reason known only to the secrets of the universe.

I have looked at them as life savers when we've been traveling for hours on end and I have blinked a little longer than I expected to while driving.

I have been completely oblivious to them when I am driving in my lane, and not veering off the road in either direction.

Did you know your spiritual life also has rumble strips?

When you veer off the road God has laid out before you, you'll hit some bumps. That's God's way of reminding you to get back on the road. I can't define what those bumps look like, because they are different for every person.

You might not recognize them at first, because you're 'driving' distracted and allowing something else to claim your attention.

Rumble is defined as: A continuous, deep, resonant sound.

If your attention is completely somewhere else, you might be able to ignore that rumble for a while. Maybe your tires are only barely touching the strips, so the rumble isn't that loud yet. But it's there.

Have you ever had that check in your spirit that perhaps you needed to change something you were doing? Maybe you thought it wasn't that bad, or wasn't hurting anyone, but God gave you a check. He started to rumble to get your attention.

And maybe you ignored it.

God will try to get your attention in that first veered-off place as long as there is road under your passenger-side wheels. This may look like someone else recognizing that you're going off the road, and stepping in to lovingly warn you. (Hence the passenger-side tires.)

And you may find that warning annoying at first, and not see it for what it really is- trying to keep you on the road and in safety.

However, veer off farther, and the warning seems to disappear. The strips are still there, but now under the center of your car, doing you no good because you've veered a little too far. You may think everything is fine at this point.

If you're not careful though, you'll wander a little farther, and the rumbling is back, now under the tires of the driver (you) in a last-ditch effort to wake you up before you go completely off the road. At this point you may also be kicking up dust on your passenger side, and flinging stones at the cars behind you.

So, whatever the reason you're veering, it's affecting other people. And it should most certainly have your attention now, with the rumbling being directly underneath you.

Keep veering, though, and not only will the rumble stop completely, but you will probably wreck your car. There are loads of thing to hit head-on once you're off the road.

Don't ignore the rumble.

Ephesians 4:17-24
(17) This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,
(18) Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:
(19) Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.
(20) But ye have not so learned Christ;
(21) If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus:
(22) That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
(23) And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
(24) And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

I need to be thankful for the rumble strips in my life, whatever form they take. I don't want to begrudge them or ignore them. I certainly don't want to end up wrecked in the ditch, hurting people on the way.

Hebrews 12:9-11
(9) Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?
(10) For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
(11) Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

Thank You, Lord, for always rumbling to wake me up when I get off the road.

The Peace That God Gives

Troublesome times are here.  Headlines every single hour of every single day can scare you death with talk of corona virus, death, political upheaval, tornadoes, storms, and economic collapse.  

There are a multitude of thoughts within me, but I can honestly say that I have peace during this time…not 100% of time.  Sometimes when I wake in the middle of the night the “pestilence that walks in darkness” can overwhelm my thoughts.  It is then that I must turn my thoughts to the One that has taught me so much about Himself.  

Japan is in one of the most earthquake-active areas of the world.  There is an earthquake somewhere in Japan every day.  This was something that was very difficult for me to get used to.  When we first arrived, they terrified me.  When I was on the subway, I thought, “I wouldn’t want to be here during an earthquake.”  When we were in a very long tunnel, I thought, “I wouldn’t want to be here during an earthquake.”  When we were on the 3rd or 4th level of a very tall highway, I thought, “I wouldn’t want to be here during an earthquake.” 

In the meantime, I was working on verses for my Knowing God study.  God spoke to me through verses I was memorizing and I realized that no matter where I was when that earthquake hit, God would know exactly where I was, He would be with me, He would still love me and He would still be good.

It’s those thoughts that give me peace during these turbulent times.  The same God Who is with me when the earth shakes, is the same God that is with me when my “world” is shaken.  He knows exactly where I am, He is with me, He loves me and He is good!!  I pray that the Lord will give you the peace that can only come from Him.  

__________

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” ~John 14:27

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.

He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah."  ~Psalm 46

*The photo is taken at a flower park.  The wisteria is so beautiful.  In Japan, it is called Fuji Flower.

Sourdough Bread (in a machine)

Sourdough Bread

 in a bread machine

I love sourdough bread, as I'm sure you have figured out. But sometimes I don't have time to make sourdough bread...or I'm told last minute that we need a loaf of bread. 

I decided to figure out a bread machine recipe for sourdough bread. I couldn't figure out how to make the bread golden brown, because my machine only bakes for one hour. I believe if I could bake the bread for maybe 15 minutes more, the top may brown. The texture was amazing! It wasn't dense, and had a nice crumb! The crust was actually crusty, and the inside was soft. I was so happy how it turned out. My brothers loved the bread, so that was a win for me. This bread makes amazing sandwiches and toast. It doesn't crumble when toasted, and doesn't get soggy as soon as you put anything moist on it. 

I cut a loaf in half, and set it in our oven overnight just to see if the loaf would dry out. And it didn't! 

Simply combine the ingredients in your machine, and run the basic cycle....or whatever cycle does a knead, a rise and a bake. 

Just remember, normal sourdough, when allowed to rise for at least 8 hours, is lower in gluten. But because this doesn't have that resting period it will not affect the gluten content of the bread. 

For extra fluffy bread, you can do 2 teaspoons of yeast. In all honesty, the lightness of the bread is determined on your sourdough starter. 

Amber Wells 

Papua New Guinea 

Of Mole Hills and Mountains

Have you ever heard the phrase "making a mountain out of a molehill"?

It's usually said in a dismissive way from one person to another, who thinks the other person is overreacting to a behavior, event, or conversation.

Many times it is said by the person who has displayed behavior that has been offensive, and when called on it, they say 'Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill".

But that is not always the case.

It is sometimes used by a person who thinks another person should respond in the same way they do to a behavior, event, or conversation, and is meant to calm a person down, or cause them to reconsider their reaction to said behavior, event or conversation.

I may or may not have had this said to me, and/or have used this phrase myself. (Don't you love ambiguity? Or is this plausible deniability?) Same for you, right?

Believe it or not, this thought was spurred by a growing pile of dishes, and me, while washing them, wondering if mole hills can become mountains on their own. Like, if that thought made any sense at all. (Do your dishes ever multiply when you aren't looking?)

Mole hills are not a big deal to the person who doesn't have them in their yard. They may have never even seen one before. Hence their quick use of the above phrase.

Mountains are obvious problems, spiritually speaking. They are enormous, take a long time to get, are hard to navigate if we decide to climb them, are formed from trauma (plates of the earth slamming together), and everyone can see them from miles away. 

Mole hills are different though. They aren't high. You may not even know what it is if one pops up in your yard. Your neighbors can probably see it/them, but people on the other side of your house can't. And certainly no one can see it/them from a couple miles away.

However, mole hills are signs of a deeper issue. (Like literally under the ground.) Mole hills develop over time from a mole (or moles) burrowing and eating all the worms and grubs in an area.
This can result in the plant life dying because the mole has severed the roots while digging. Your yard health will definitely be affected, as the worms that used to aerate the ground are being consumed by the moles. There may also be ridges in your yard that are signs of their tunnels becoming closer to the surface. This happens when they've eaten everything and are looking for more food. And their hills look like little volcanoes everywhere.

So mole hills are a problem. Definitely.

Spiritually speaking, this may be underlying issues you have with something from your past. Maybe a person has hurt you, or offended you, and you haven't dealt with it, so that issue becomes like a mole tunneling beneath the surface, affecting other parts of your life, making little volcanoes that erupt all over the place, starving you of the nutrition you so desperately need...

Mole hills, while different from mountains, are actually quite large. They can be two feet across, and nine inches high! Certainly big enough for someone else to fall into if they aren't paying attention. If you looked at one that size from an aerial view, it would look like a crater. Pretty impressive considering moles themselves are only 5-8" long. 

So what's my point? (I do have one...)

Don't let underlying issues tunnel their way through your spirit until you are overrun, malnourished, and look like a person playing "Whack a Mole", trying to keep all your issues under control. It will make you frantic, and definitely cause you to look like you're overreacting to someone who can't see your back yard.

And if you're dealing with someone who has private mole hills, be kind. Don't tell them they're overreacting. Take time to listen, and pray with them. You will surely find there is a whole labyrinth of tunnels beneath the surface.

Galatians 6:1-2
(1) Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
(2) Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

John 13:34
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

Psalm 139:23-24
(23) Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
(24) And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Bandages

Have you ever left a bandage on too long and had the process of removing it be more traumatic than the reason you needed it in the first place?

I recently had this experience. A seam in part of my clothing was making a sore spot on my leg, so I decided to cover that area with a bandage. It worked so well that I forgot about it, even after showering, etc.

And because the area beneath is was just an irritation and not an actual wound I needed to check on, I really did totally forget I even had it on my leg. It was there unnecessarily for over a week. 😬

Did you know that when you try to remove a bandage that has been on your skin over a week that you may have to use a sandblaster? Or pressure washer? Or laser?

It just does not want to come off.

And you have a residue on your skin that looks like you put down superglue, let it dry a little, and then rolled it in lint and dryer fuzz. What is even in that stuff?? It's disturbing.

And SOOOO hard to remove!!

Or you experience an unintended waxing of the area, as removing the bandage also removes all the hairs that were growing under the sticky part. It can be quite painful!! Especially if someone you love is encouraging you to just "Hold your breath and rip it off already."

 

Um, no thanks.

The worst is when you use a gauze pad that's made of those little strings, and you leave it on too long. Eventually during the healing process, those strings get caught up in the scab, so when you remove the bandage, the scab goes too, and you're left with a bleeding wound. Again.

Our lives can be the same way.

Something is irritating. But instead of investigating to see why clothing we've worn literally a thousand times is now causing an irritation, or patiently allowing a callous to develop (which will eventually subside), we throw a bandaid over that area because irritations are somewhat painful.

And because it now doesn't hurt anymore, we forget about it. The bandage is doing its job, so we leave it. And we leave it on way too long.

Or perhaps we are really wounded. Maybe we were running and fell in the driveway, getting a serious road rash. We need a bandage to help the healing process, and keep out infection, and keep our fingers off of it, etc. But if we don't check the dressing often enough, the bandage gets pulled into the wound.

So the thing that was helping us is now hurting us.

And we might not even know it.

See, we have to check on our wounds. We have to face them, no matter how painful. No matter how ugly. No matter how much it makes us nervous to lift that bandage and open it up to the air. No matter how scared we are that a scab won't be there, and we'll be faced with the original awful thing that happened to us.

Because you can't wear a bandage forever.

Eventually the skin around your wound will become macerated, and can cause damage to tissue around the wound that wasn't part of the original injury.

Have you experienced that in your life? You were wounded, and left a 'bandage' on too long, and other areas of your life were unintentionally affected?

Jesus wants us to walk in wholeness. It's part of His gift of shâlôm. He doesn't want us to number the walking wounded. Yes, we get hurt- it's an unfortunate part of life with other humans. But I don't do myself any favors when I prolong the healing process by refusing to look at my wound and change the bandages.

Sometimes just getting it out into the open is enough to start the healing process. Voicing it to the Savior is a beautiful place to start.

Jeremiah 17:14
Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.

Psalm 23:3-4
(3) He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
(4) Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Psalm 34:18-19
(18) The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
(19) Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.

Isaiah 53:3-5
(3) He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
(4) Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
(5) But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

Whatever you're going through, Jesus understands. He knows you may be scared. He's ready to walk with you through the healing process, no matter how ugly. No matter how painful. He was wounded for you, so that you might be healed.

Will you let Jesus help you start the healing process today?