To Be "Me"

When I was a young missionary arriving on the field of Spain, I didn’t know one word of Spanish and had never taken a survey trip. “Ignorant” would have been an understatement. In an effort to adapt, I overdid it. Since those first years, I’ve visited in other people’s homes, asked questions, and learned a lot about finding a happy medium—about finding “me.” Let’s explore different areas of our lives where we find it hard to discern where we need to be and who we really are.

Home Décor

Years ago, we visited a missionary family in France. They lived in a traditional French home—complete with tall, ornate doors throughout their living quarters. I noticed, though, that our hostess had transformed their home into a cozy, American living space. She used small-check gingham, cross-stitch pictures, and colors you might find in any American home at the time. I asked our hostess how the French people liked her house, and she answered, “They love it. People expect you to have a home that’s different from theirs.” This statement helped me immensely. I’d been on the field maybe six years at that time, and I had done just the opposite. So, this was a wake-up call for my own decorating. What should you do in your home?

• Make sure the décor reflects your family and your needs.
• What’s your background? Are there any items that make you feel at home? What are the colors you like best?
• What is practical in your field?
• It is perfectly okay--though not necessary--to decorate differently from the natives.

Food

When I came to Spain, I wanted to be Spanish. I literally stood next to the Spanish pastor’s wife—an excellent cook—in her kitchen and watched and learned. (I advise any new missionary to do the same.) I became so Spanish that this happened when we went out to McDonald’s our first day back on furlough: our small children had never seen a hamburger and weren’t too excited about them. Thankfully, they loved the french fries. Soon afterwards, we were down South at a missions conference, where normal American food was served: green beans, corn, meat, rolls, etc. My kids had never seen veggies served like this. I made them try them. That furlough was another light bulb moment. I needed to be more American and expose my kids to American menus.

• Learn to make native foods on your field. Take your lessons from the best cooks in your ministry. You need to know how to make their foods the way they do.
• Regularly, cook a few meals for your family that are typical in your home country.
• Celebrate your home country’s holidays with traditional foods (Thanksgiving: pumpkin pies, turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, etc.; Independence Day: red, white, and blue desserts).
• Teach your kids to try new things. Maybe, go out to ethnic restaurants from time to time. Cultivate adventurous palates.

Lifestyle

If you visit ten mission fields, you’ll find ten different lifestyles. If you go to missionaries’ homes, you’ll find that they adapt in various ways. When I got to the field, I tried to be Spanish—but I wasn’t. It took me years to figure out that I would never really be Spanish and that our family needed to find its own comfort level on the field. This will mean different adaptations, but it boils down to one concept: do what works for you. Is this selfish? Not at all! Let me suggest a few ways to find out what's best for your family:

• If you’re married, sit down and have a long, honest chat with your husband. What’s working? What’s not? How can we change what needs changing? Work as a team on this.
• Do you have children (or you or your husband) with special needs? You need to figure out what lifestyle will allow every person in the family to be able to function at a good level. How can you make life easier for the most vulnerable person in your family? Make the needed adjustments.
• “Let Me Burn Out for Thee” isn’t a biblical concept when carried to the extreme. Yes, we should serve God. Yes, we need to work hard. But, workaholic missionaries will burn out and die before their time. Find what level of activity is right for you. It may take a few years of experimentation before you find your happy place, but make sure you get enough sleep, take care of your body, eat healthy, have time for personal devotions, and serve the Lord effectively. As you get older, you’ll appreciate this.
• Family comes before ministry. We attended a wedding once where it was written in the vows that ministry would always come before anything else. I don’t see that in the Bible. The Lord established the family way before anything else—except communion with Him, which was from the beginning of creation. Our priorities should be: our personal relationship with the Lord, husband (if any), children (if any), ministry, and everything else. Too many times, I see missionaries (both men and women) putting ministry at the very top of the list. Serving is everything. The work is all consuming. As a result, they lose sight of their personal walk with God, and eventually, their family suffers. When the priority list goes backwards, communion is lost. If you want to stay on the field, put God first, then family, then ministry. By the way, nothing is more attractive to lost people than a joyful family.

Using Talents

Missionaries are some of the most gifted and educated people in the world. But, God’s plan might be different from what you envision. Years ago, I understood my own spiritual gift. I always wanted to do it. I felt like I had something to offer. Now, I don’t sing solos, play instruments, or have any acting talents at all. I couldn’t deliver a reading if my life depended upon it. But, I do have a gift—just like every other Christian. Over the more than thirty years we’ve been missionaries, I’ve had some opportunities to use my gift, but it hasn't been as I would have envisioned. You see, God doesn’t need me. He certainly doesn’t need my spiritual gift. He can do His work in hearts without me at all. So, why am I here? To serve Him. To obey Him. To be faithful to Him.

• Don’t expect your vision to be what happens.
• Don’t expect other people to recognize your gifts.
• Use your life to serve God and people. This will take different forms as you go on your missionary journey. You will use your gift, but I can guarantee you it won’t be in exactly the way you dreamed—and it might be much less than you might have thought. Everyone is called to serve. Just serve.

So, who am I in the great scheme of things? Several Bible characters asked the same thing.

• And Moses said unto God, Who am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt? (Exodus 3:11)
• Then went king David in, and sat before the LORD, and he said, Who am I, O Lord GOD? and what is my house, that thou hast brought me hitherto? (2 Samuel 7:18)
• Solomon asked, But who is able to build him an house, seeing the heaven and heaven of heavens cannot contain him? Who am I then, that I should build him an house, save only to burn sacrifice before him? (2 Chronicles 2:6)

Who are you? You’re a sent one—a woman who has the opportunity to live in another culture and impact the people around you for God. Your identity is in Christ and in your home country and family. Be comfortable that you’re different. Let that feel special to you. Be thankful for all of life's opportunities, and use them to serve the Lord.

Have not I commanded thee?

Be strong and of a good courage;

be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed:

for the LORD thy God is with thee

whithersoever thou goest (Joshua 1:9).

by Lou Ann Keiser, in Basque Spain since 1984.