Father Knows Best

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.  Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.  And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."  

~~Jeremiah 29:11-13~~

For six months, I had known the date our family would leave our home and head to our place of service to where God had led us.  We had already left our family and the only home we'd ever known to attend language school, but that was "only" for a year.  I could do that.  I had a fully-furnished house picked out before I ever landed in Costa Rica; we had current students assigned to "show us the ropes" once we landed; we had a built-in community of believers; and we had an idea of what to expect.  So, surely I could do this again....I was wrong.

About two to three weeks before we left for the field, my emotions got the better of me.  But, you know what those emotions did?  They drove me to my knees--they drove me to seek the Lord with all of my heart.  I had so many questions my husband couldn't answer.  I had so many fears that were controlling me.  One night, I finally cried so hard I could barely breathe.  I couldn't even pray out loud for the longest time.  I just cried on my Father's shoulders.  I just let Him hold me.  When I could finally speak, I asked two things of Him:  (1) Sing over me (2) Remind me of His promises.

Singing is medicine to the soul.  It is calming.  It is refreshing.  It puts things into perspective.  We can sing praises to the Lord and set our eyes on Him.  But, did you know that the Lord also sings over us?  Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing."  He sang over me that night.  One of the main songs he kept reminding me of is "Fear is a Liar."  I was focusing on my fears.  I was focusing on all of the what-ifs that could happen in a new country instead of the truth of what is.  God calmed my soul as He sang over me.

Crying out to the Lord brings peace and perspective.  After my Father calmed my spirit to where I could finally cry out to Him, I asked Him to remind me of His promises.  All my mind was telling me was something bad was going to happen to my kids.  The thoughts swirling through my mind were literally taking my breath away.  I could.not.breathe.  Then, the Lord reminded me of the verse at the beginning of this post:  He has thoughts of peace and not evil.  He has an expected end.  Something bad doesn't have to happen for the Lord to receive glory in our lives.  Yes, suffering is part of the journey.  But, that is not the plan God has for us.  He will use that suffering for our good and for His glory; but He will also use the hilltops for our good and His glory.  I don't have to assume the worst is going to happen--because He's planning for the best to happen!

After calming my soul.  After reminding me of His promises.  I finally told the Lord: "I don't want to go."  It was like I could feel the loving arms of my Heavenly Father wrap around me, pull me close, and whisper in my ear, "Oh, my daughter, I know your heart: you do want to go...{then with a little chuckle} you just want to know all the details before you get there."  Our Father does know best.  He does have our best interest in my mind.  Jesus Himself told the Father three times "Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will but what thou wilt." (Mark 14:33-40).  God could make a different way, but Jesus knew this was the almighty plan.  And, He willingly laid down His will for the Father's.  When we realize we are walking in the Father's will and that will is far greater than anything we could imagine, we can finally say, "But, even if you don't [keep my children safe, keep me safe, keep our things safe, answer this prayer or that prayer, ___________________], give me your grace to walk through whatever path you have set before me."  Our Father knows best and He will walk with us, carry us, cry with us and rejoice over us with every step along the journey.