The Bulldozer and the Butterfly

Once upon a time...

(Isn't that how all good stories are supposed to begin?)

There was a bulldozer and a butterfly. They were close friends. They were so very different, though. No one could understand how they could be such good friends. There were even times they asked themselves how the friendship could have blossomed into such a lovely arrangement.

The bulldozer was strong and confident, sometimes loud. The bulldozer was a mover and shaker. She accomplished many things, and her favorite things were neatly organizing mountains, creating straight roads, and being productive.

The butterfly was quiet and happy, flitting from here to there, bringing joy and beauty to everyone she lighted upon. She was sensitive and kind, gentle and fragile. She loved bright, happy colors and happy orange pumpkins. Her favorite things to do were to enjoy sunshine and to bring smiles to those she encountered.

There could not have been more opposite friends, and yet they treasured each other dearly.

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This story is actually a true story. Well, it's not literally true, but it is about two very real and extremely opposite friends serving on the same mission field.

If you haven't guessed, I am the bulldozer. The butterfly is a fellow missionary wife and treasured friend serving here in the same country as me.

We are as different as night and day. Yet we have a thriving friendship. How is that possible? After all, missionaries on the field often struggle to get along in general, much less ones who are so different!

Cultivating a Bulldozer Butterfly Friendship

Appreciate Differences

My friend is beautiful like a butterfly. She is a flutter of generosity, hospitality, and compassion. She has the ability to truly weep with those who weep. If someone is hurting, she aches with them. People come to her to pour out their hearts, seeking encouragement and hope in their crisis. I imagine the Shunemite woman who prepared Elisha's chamber was much like my butterfly friend. (2 Kings 4) The Shunemite woman thought of everything to make Elisha's visits pleasant. The chamber was perfectly set up for his needs.

Me? I am whirlwind of activity: organizing, planning, preparing. I love the physical labor that often comes with ministry. I love the schedules and calendars. People often come to me for practical counsel.

"How do you balance home and ministry?"
"Do you have homeschooling advice?"
"I need help being more consistent in my devotions."

I imagine Phebe was probably a bulldozer, working behind the scenes to get things done and assist Paul and other believers. (Romans 16:1-2)

Butterflies and bulldozers each have a beauty of their own. They minister differently. God designed them for specific ways to serve Him. Do not compare butterflies and bulldozers in their individual ministries. When we do that we devalue both. Appreciate the differences.

Identify Potential Weaknesses

Along with beautiful strengths also comes potential weaknesses. Bulldozers, in their excitement and zeal, tend to push and run over people. They may have great intentions, but their approach is sometimes overbearing and aggressive. As a bulldozer, I have often had to apologize for these kinds of actions. Sometimes it presents itself as unsolicited counsel or advice. Sometimes its taking control when I shouldn't. Sometimes it's a lack of meekness and compassion.

Butterflies tend to perceive injury when injury was not intended. They are sensitive to the needs of others, but they are also tenderhearted. That leaves them vulnerable to being wounded easily. They tend to be more passive and avoid conflict.

Bulldozers can run over butterflies, and butterflies can be intimidated by bulldozers. But if they both recognize their own weaknesses, they can learn from each other and make a beautiful team. Bulldozers can learn from butterfly friends to be more sensitive to the needs of others. Butterflies can learn from bulldozer friends to be more confident.

Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpeneth iron; 

so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend."

Embrace the Ministry of Confrontation

Confrontation? A ministry?

Absolutely! Most people do not enjoy confrontation. But when there is division, injury, or sin, God's Word teaches us to go to that person. It's really the ministry of restoration and reconciliation. The goal is to help bring the person back in fellowship with either the Lord or yourself.

Be careful though. Butterflies tend to avoid confrontation while bulldozers tend to confront without meekness.

I love the counsel God's Word gives:

Galatians 6:1 "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted."

Butterflies, God's Word teaches us to confront.
Bulldozers, God's Word teaches us to confront in meekness.
And the key is "ye which are spiritual." When we walk in the Spirit, we will embrace the ministry of confrontation because we realize it is the ministry of reconciliation.

If you want to flourish in a bulldozer/butterfly friendship, you have to learn to talk things out the right way when division creeps in. Good communication is key to any relationship.

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And they lived happily ever after...

That's how good stories end. And this one is no different. My butterfly friend and I will live happily ever after. Christ is preparing a place for us. That's the unifying factor that helps our relationship grow. We may be complete opposites, but we have some things in common. Christ died for us. His blood cleansed us. We have the same heavenly Father and are part of God's family. The same Spirit dwells in us both. Our hearts are both thrilled by serving our amazing Saviour. I sure am glad we get to do it on the same field.



So, which one are you? Are you a bulldozer or a butterfly... or a crazy combination of both?

How to Find a Girlfriend When You're on the Mission Field

Everyone’s ministry goes through stages. I arrived on the field with a baby. A few years later, we had another baby and were in charge of a youth group that was growing and thriving. We started a new church with our co-workers, did evangelism together, tried things that worked (and some that didn’t), saw some people saved, witnessed, and started a Sunday school. We kept on, and our kids grew.  I became “taxi service” for two active teens: music lessons, playing with friends, and orchestra practices. Our weeks were full. Plus, I homeschooled, and in high school it was a challenge to keep ahead of my students! Now, our children are grown, married, and live in other points on the globe. The church ministry has changed over the years—multiple times—and so have we.

And, during all of these years, there was a void. It was a need I didn’t even feel sometimes, but other times it gnawed at my heart with a vengeance. It was the need for female spiritual fellowship.

To be fair, there were very few missionaries around, especially when we first arrived. So, there weren’t a lot of believers near us. Our co-workers were great. (They’ve retired, now.) I would take advantage of a few precious minutes with our kids’ piano teacher after their lessons. Those times were special.

Everyone needs a friend.

Everyone needs not only a girlfriend, but also a spiritual iron-sharpeneth-iron kind of friendship. We need encouraging in the faith, personally, and prayer support for our families. We really need a friend.

“Oh,” you may say, “That sounds great in theory, but how do I make that kind of a friend, when there’s no one nearby?” I’m glad you asked!

Let me share a few ideas. See if one (or more) of them works for you.

1. Pray specifically for God to give you an encouraging girlfriend. It may not happen right away, but it will happen in God’s time. And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him (1 John 5:14-15).
2. Consider all of your friends—those back in your home country and those on your field. Is there one of them that will pray for you and uplift you? Is there one (possibly your home pastor’s wife) that you can rely on to be a spiritual friend? Do you know someone through an online community—like this one!—who will encourage, challenge, and be there for you? (Don’t rule people out because of age differences. One of my closest friends is young enough to be my daughter.)
3. Is there someone you can minister to, wherever you are? Do you see a “Ms. Opportunity” waiting for friendship? Ask God to help you to be perceptive. Do you know a single missionary? Do you know a widow? Do you know someone who’s introverted and doesn’t get noticed?

Let’s assume you’ve found a potential encouraging Christian girlfriend. What can you do together? (Here, we’re assuming she’s on the same mission field you are. Later, we’ll address long-distance friends.)

• Coffee, tea, juice, etc.—I’m amazed how much can get done over a simple refreshing drink. I met with a friend just this morning. We did some grocery shopping and then sat down to visit. We laughed, prayed, talked about families and animals—a chicken on her neighbor’s balcony (in town!)—and it was a great time. We did practical things plus some precious, genuine fellowship.
• Bible study—I’ve never done this because of busy schedules, but it might work for you. You could do a simple Bible study with another missionary woman—or all the women on your team. It could be amazing if you can carve out the time once a week to share what you’re learning in the Word.
• Sharing—Another friend and I bounce ideas and women’s studies off of each other once a month. She has some awesome perspectives!
• Caring—Why is it that we’re so private with our needs? I don’t know if it’s pride or not wanting to bother someone else. But, we need to be aware of others’ needs. (I’m preaching to myself, here. I can be so blissfully blind.) Does your friend have a physical need? Help in a concrete way: a meal, do her laundry, take care of her kids, feed her dog . . . . Does she indicate that she’s having a hard time emotionally? Be a listening ear. Offer a shoulder and a hug. Pray with her. Is your friend going through a financially tight time? What can you share? Money? Food? Carpooling? Look for opportunities to be a blessing.
• Exchanging—Especially if you’re on a non-English speaking field, it’s great to share magazines and books. You can even exchange decorations, recipes, and Pinterest ideas. Help enrich each other!
• Asking and giving—I don’t know why it’s so hard to do this, but we often fail to find out what the other woman likes. Why not make a list of her favorites: flower, food, dessert, kinds of books, colors, etc.? When you visit her home, look around. Could she use a new kitchen towel? Did you notice the colors in her bathroom? (Soaps, towels, etc.) Do you know what style/colors she uses in decorating? (Candles, dishes, placemats, etc.) Could you buy her something she will love?
• Encouraging—Nothing helps me more than someone who says, “Keep on keeping on.” Everyone needs that from time to time. Bless your friend with encouraging words, and graciously accept her sincere compliments.

For your far-away friend:

• Pray for each other daily. Make sure both of you keep your prayer requests and news up-to-date. Pray for each other’s families. A great time to pray for your special friend is first thing every morning, before your feet hit the floor.
• Write encouraging e-mails, tweets, or messages. Share Bible verses. Help her understand your field and your ministry. It’s great if you can Skype or Face-time with your friend.
• Give small, thoughtful gifts, when you can. Everyone loves something pretty from another country. When you go back home, take something special for your friend.

A man (missionary woman) that hath friends must shew himself (herself) friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24).

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother (sister) is born for adversity (Proverbs 17:17).

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man (missionary woman) sharpeneth the countenance of his (her) friend (Proverbs 27:17).