Closer to the Source

We have been blessed thus far with two children and one on the way. It is amazing to me how different two children can be even though they have the same parents, upbringing, and looks. I mean, I know that everyone is different; but to see it in my two sons at a very young age is completely different. God is an awesome Creator!

My oldest son, Jude, is 3 years of age. He's mostly a social light, loves to play with trains, and likes to go see new places and things. He likes everything neat, clean and tidy and will avoid pain at all costs. He is extremely curious and has a bit of an engineering mind. Already he is picking up letters, in both languages, and is eager to read. However, you sit him down to a meal at the table, and he is TOTALLY disinterested. He eats to stay alive (because we make him eat, as any good parent of course) and not really for the enjoyment of it. - Unless it's ice cream!

My second son, Zachary, is not quite 2 years old. He is into everything so much that we tease we should have called him "Trouble". He goes from one "off limits" thing to the next. Yet, he has picked up language here in Georgia much better than his brother, has intense and genuine emotions, and loves to get dirty. Pain doesn't bother him. He also LOVES to eat. Though he's still having some lingering issues with food texture, he really can put food away! He already eats more than his brother, and if we get out snacks, he sidles up real close so he can sneak a bite.

When the boys go up to "Bebia's" house (a Georgian Grandma), Jude sits on the couch to watch cars or trains or some other multi-film cartoon while Zachary heads straight for the kitchen to look for any goodies left out on the table. These boys are as different as can be!

Yet to me, it is always amazing. If I get out crackers or chips, I give one to Zachary. Usually though, he's not satisfied with just one. He wants one for each hand. Then a handful. Then, he gives up trying to hold enough and attempts to climb on my lap or squeeze in next to me so that he can get to the bag of treats himself. He wants to get closer to the source.

It humbles me to watch him and reminds me of what my relationship with my Father should be. I shouldn't be satisfied with just one chapter in His Word, just one blessing that He sends, or just one service at church. I should be going for two, then a handful, then, why not? Just sit on His lap. After all, He is the source. The only way to get to the source of joy and blessings is to have a RELATIONSHIP with the Giver.

Our spiritual appetite is just like our physical one: the more we give it of something, the more it wants. If you watch a lot of television, you tend to want to watch even more. If you eat a lot of junk food, you crave more. If you prefer carrot sticks, then they're your go-to food. If you grew up with meat and potatoes at every dinner meal, chances are, you still want that meat and potatoes. Yes, we can change our appetites. We can train them, curb them, sometimes yes, force them into a new habit.

It is the same spiritually. The more we read God's Word, the more we want. The more of Jesus we have, the closer we desire to be. The more we fill our lives with choices that are pleasing to God, the easier it is to do the next time... not because the choices will be easy, but because our spirits are strong, walking in the Spirit.

So, I strive to desire to be closer. I must schedule/choose/prioritize to make time for God. Whatever it takes. Not just for one nugget of feel-good booster, but for the whole bag! Even in a busy life and amid the craziness of little ones, I must not neglect the most important Person in my life. The Source is waiting. There's so much He has in store!

Just a closer walk with Thee

Grant it Jesus, is my plea,

Daily walking close to Thee,

Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

- Anonymous -

For the Tired Missionary Woman

It happens on deputation. It comes when you’ve made that final push and finally gotten onto the plane to go to your field. It overwhelms when you are trying to adjust to all the new sights, smells, language, and customs. It creeps up when you’ve chased toddlers all day. It hits you hard on Sunday mornings—during church, of all times. You sit down, and you’re so exhausted, it’s all you can do to keep from nodding off. It comes upon you at home when you’ve entertained all week and you finally have time to sit down and have decent devotions. 

You’re tired. 

It can be physical, emotional, over-committed, spiritual, and all of the above—or a few of these in combination.

Every missionary woman gets tired. 

It’s at those tired times that we need to be the most watchful. Since we’re all so different—praise the Lord!—we have various reactions to tired:

1. Press on. This isn’t a bad reaction, but it might nudge you over the top. Be careful not to press on when you should take a few moments to recharge. Take a nap. Cancel something that’s unnecessary. Reevaluate your calendar. Sit down with your Bible and your favorite refreshing drink. Close your door and prohibit entry—unless it’s a life-or-death issue. (I used to tell our kids that they could interrupt if it was for a life-or-death reason, and they’d crack up!)
2. Get angry. When we’re tired, it’s so easy for us to take it out on our family members, the native people, and our field in general. It’s easy to focus on all the things we hate and to forget that we came here in the first place to show God’s love to people who desperately need Him. When anger and negativity creep in, it’s time to totally chill, open our Bibles, and refocus. Why did you come? (Or, why are you on deputation?) Ask God to help you love again. Re-examine your mission statement. Ours is: To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me (Acts 26:18).
3. Become discontent. When we’re exhausted, our minds tend to get squawky. Rant, rant, rant—at least in our heads. I don’t like this; I don’t like that. So-and-so didn’t treat me right. I need/want one of those. I can’t afford this or that. I wish I could dress like my fellow missionary lady. Why do those missionaries have it all together? I hate it that I’m single and have to do everything alone. I hate my husband, because he doesn’t meet my needs. My kids drive me crazy! The Bible says contentment can be learned. Paul learned it—in jail, by the way (Philippians 4:11). Ask God to give you a heart of thanks. Put away your squawking and start practicing praise. I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: I will sing unto thee among the nations (Psalm 57:9).
4. Plan to leave. You are tired of it all. You might have only been on the field a few months or years, or you may have been there for twenty years or more. But, you’re tired. Your heart starts to turn off. You no longer care if the people get saved or not; they’re beyond help anyway. You want to go back home. Your head starts living in another place—and it’s not where you are. You start telling your husband you don’t want to be here. You’re done! This is a “dead-heart” discontentment. It’s dangerous to missions. Where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18b). You need a God-designed heart reset. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me (Psalm 51:10). When it’s the Lord’s time for you to leave your field, He’ll clearly direct you and your husband, and being content, you’ll know it’s the right time. God will smooth the way, direct the details, and send a replacement, as He sees fit. 

I confess I’ve been all of these places during our more than thirty-year missions career. I’ve been overcommitted, sometimes angry, from time-to-time discontent, and I’ve even been tired of it all and ready to quit. 

But, God in His mercy has taught me through each of these tired times. He’s helped me readjust my focus. He has taught me to rely on Him. God has led me in His will and renewed my joy. He’s given strength in weakness—a specialty of His—and has granted me new mercies every morning. Great is His faithfulness. (based on Lamentations 3:22-23)

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as eagles;

they shall run, and not be weary;

and they shall walk, and not faint (Isaiah 40:31).

Wherever you are in your missionary journey, when you’re tired, look to Jesus. Pray to Him. He will strengthen you, carry you, and direct you perfectly.