The Princess and the Letter

Are you a missionary or a missionary supporter?
I have a story to tell you that may change the way you do something. I will make this as pleasant and fun as possible. (Who doesn't love a good story?)

****

Long ago in a land far away there lived a princess.
(Actually, it was a missionary, but princess stories are more romantic.)

The princess and her family had exciting news to share. She knew that her friends and family in distant villages would be thrilled to hear the exciting news. She sat down at her royal writing table. She picked up her royal quill and ink well, and pulled out 300 of the finest quality papers. She began to write. (OK, so it was a computer and printer, but that isn't as fun as ink and quill, is it?)

The princess began writing 300 letters to the people she thought would care the most about this happy news. She poured hours into the letters. Her excitement graced every swipe of the pen. She didn't leave out any details. The princess, after all, was known for being verbose. When the letters were finished, she carefully addressed each one and gave them to her royal messengers. They quickly dispatched each letter. The princess was a fountain of energy anticipating the responses to the letters.

Months passed by and the princess grew discouraged. Of all 300 letters written, only five people took the time to reply. She was heartbroken. She could not figure out what had gone wrong. Did the people not care?

****

Did you know?

The average missionary has around a 3-5% response rate to prayer letters.

That means for every 100 letters that goes out, only 3-5 people take the time to reply.

****

The princess visited the wise old woman in the royal clock tower.

"Why did so few respond?" the princess asked through tears. "Have they forgotten me? Did I do something wrong? Do they not care?"

The wise old woman sat in her rocking chair. She was silent for several minutes. The chair squeaked as she rocked back and forth. The princess's sobs were interrupted when the woman's voice creaked through the air.

"Princess, you must search out the reasons, for each reason has hidden lessons all their own. Disguise yourself and travel to these distant lands."

So the princess put off her princess gown and donned the threads of a peasant girl. She purchased an old mare and galloped away in search of answers. (Alright. I posted some questions online, but the princess on the mare is definitely more fun to read.)

The princess first visited a farmer friend. He was busy working in the fields. She struck up a conversation with the man. After a few minutes, she gained the courage to ask, "Did you receive a letter from the princess?"

He continued hoeing and breaking up the sod as he spoke. "I did, but the letter was so long I have not read it yet. I am so busy in the fields all day. When I finish working, I am too tired to sit down and read. I hope the princess does not think I have forgotten her. She was always so kind to our family. We pray for her every night."


Keep It Short and Simple

As the princess left the farmer, she was deep in thought. She never realized people would be too busy to read her letters. As she wrote, she always added in every detail and even added details that had nothing to do with the news she wanted so desperately to share.

****

Soon the princess, still dressed as a peasant, arrived at her next destination. As she approached the artist, she noticed he was painting a lovely landscape as he sat beside a pond. She began talking with him. Soon she asked the artist if he had received a letter from the princess.

"Oh yes. It is on my table waiting to be read, but I must admit I struggle reading the princess's letters. I love portraits and landscapes more than hundreds of words. When I see a picture I am captivated. The writing comes to life. I just struggle reading things when I can not see what it is talking about. But perhaps the princess does not draw like me."

Include Lots of Pictures to Bring to Life the Details and the People

The princess was stunned. She had never thought about how pictures could also tell the story. She loved to draw.

****

She continued her journey down the road and came to the home of a woman with a dozen children. The children were clamoring around the house as the woman hung laundry outside. The princess began to chat with her. Then it came time for the question. "Did you receive a letter from the princess?"

"I certainly did! I read every word to the children the very night I received it! It was such happy news!"

"Did you reply to the princess?" the princess casually asked.

"Oh no. The princess probably does not want to hear from me. I doubt she even remembers who I am." The princess was surprised at this answer. This woman was the kind lady who helped the princess one day when she had fallen from her horse. The princess had played many times with the children.

Dear Friend, Your Reply Means the World to Missionaries

"I am quite sure the princess would be very encouraged by a letter from you. I am very close to the princess and know her well."

****

The princess continued on to the bridge keeper's home. The guard at the bridge stopped her before she could cross.

"Stop right there young lady! You may go no farther!" The princess was surprised by his gruff voice.

"But I need to see the bridge keeper," the princess pleaded.

"Sorry. No one or nothing may pass this bridge without my permission."

Make Sure Your Missionary Has a Current Address

The princess looked down and saw a box. Sticking out of the box was her letter.

The outside of the box was labelled:

Stock Pile All Messages

Apparently the bridge keeper never received her letter because it had been captured into this box by the guard. The princess sighed in frustration.

****

The princess had one more place to stop. She came to the seamstress's shop. "Surely she read my letter," thought the princess.

As she approached the seamstress, she saw the seamstress busily stitching a garment. She sat down on a stool near the seamstress and began chatting. Soon the princess asked, "Did you get a letter from the princess?"

"I am sure I did, but I did not read it."

The princess was surprised. "Why ever not?"

****

Did You Know?

The overwhelming number one reason people read a prayer letter

is that they have personal knowledge or connection with the missionary.

****

"Well, I have been receiving letters from the princess for many years, but here lately every letter the princess wrote was asking for something. The princess's letters began sounding more like business propositions than a letter from a friend. I have given so much time and effort and money for the princess's projects that I have nothing left to give. The past three letters I simply threw away. She was probably just asking for more things. Sometimes I just wish the princess would write to me as the friend she used to be to me."

Missionary, sometimes people become wearied when they are constantly asked for money.

The princess was deeply saddened by this last visit. She had not realized how impersonal her letters had become. She wanted a closer friendship with these people. They had done so much to help her throughout her childhood.

****

Immediately the princess returned to the castle and pulled out her ink and quill. She began to write all of her friends again. This time she wrote with their needs in mind as well. She was considerate of their busy lives. She focused on the important details. She even drew pictures. She made the letters very personal because she was writing to dear friends and family. She didn't ask for anything but simply shared some happy news. Then she closed the letters with a simple sentence:

"It would mean so much to me to hear from my dear friends

so that I know I am not forgotten."

****

This story was a lighthearted look at a real situation. Missionaries spend a great deal of time working on prayer letters. I asked a group of missionaries what their response rate was to these letters. The conclusion was that few people respond. The truth is that missionaries are greatly encouraged when people take the time to reply. It helps us know that we are not forgotten and that our supporting church family and friends are doing their part to help us by praying and staying connected with us.

For the supporter:

Take the time to read the letters. It matters to us. We are sharing news from the field that you are investing in. We see you as part of the team. Then after reading the letters, take time to reply even if it is only a few words.

"Praying for you!"

"Great prayer letter!"

"I am excited to see what God is doing there!"

For the missionary:

Be considerate of the reader. People are busy and don't have time to read a prayer letter book. Keep it short and to the point. Make it personal. Use pictures to make it come alive. Pictures really are worth 1000 words! Consider bulleted highlights. Don't ask for something in every prayer letter. (You start sounding like that relative who only comes around when they want something.) Consider using social media to help supporters get to know you personally so that there is a connection. When on deputation and furlough, do your best to meet people in supporting churches and allow them to become familiar with you.

The One-Way Two-Way Street: Learning to Support the Supporter

We all know them. We all have them. And sadly, we are probably all occasionally guilty of being one of them.

You know, that person who only calls when they want something. No "I was just calling just to check on you," or "I was just thinking of you and wanted to let you know I care." But, "I need..."

I do not like it when I realize I am playing that same role. It grieves me.

Our family has often declared that our supporting churches are our supporting church FAMILY, and they truly are. God really blessed us as He picked out the churches we would partner with in ministry. Recently, I began reflecting and inspecting how I treat this family. Am I the relative who only contacts when I need something? Am I expecting them to give or do what I am not willing to give or do myself for them?

Delightful Deputation (Part 4) The Friendships

Delightful Deputation (Part 1) The Focus
Delightful Deputation (Part 2) The Family
Delightful Deputation (Part 3) The Fun

Maybe your definition of deputation is:

That time period when a missionary or missionary family

leaves family and friends behind for a long, lonely road trip.

If that is the case, let me introduce you to Linda.

No, not that Linda! That's my sweet Mommy! While we were on the road for deputation, we rarely got to see her. Oh, she would have travelled with us if she could!

This is the Linda I am talking about. The one in the green shirt. From the moment I met her, I loved her dearly. You see, I needed a Mommy hug, and my mom wasn't able to be there to give it to me. Not necessarily a physical hug, but that gentle love, acceptance, and warmth that only a mom, or those with a mommy heart, can give. God knew I needed that along the way, so He allowed our paths to cross.

Mrs. Linda is the pastor's wife at one of our supporting churches. That's right. Pastor's wife. The one we missionary women feel we have to be on our "best behavior" for. We put such pressure on ourselves in hopes they will like us and approve. I purposed from the beginning in deputation that I wasn't at these churches to make people like me, but often the pressure was still there.

Not with Mrs. Linda, though. I fell in love with her and her family immediately. No pressure. They loved us. They allowed us to be ourselves and to be human. Oh, how I treasured sitting down with her and her husband while we played instruments! I got to play her dulcimer. It was the first time I had ever played one. She even invited me to play the special music with her in the next service!

No, Mrs. Linda didn't replace my mom, but she sure made me feel loved and treasured. She helped me push on a little farther on the road. I can honestly say that her face is one that I look forward to seeing when we go on furlough.

And this is my Granny. (Isn't she precious?) She couldn't go with me on the road either. I really miss her.

But the lady in the background of this picture in the blue shirt is Mrs. Alice Burge. When I am around her, I feel like I could just crawl up in her lap and talk to her like a little child talks to her grandmother. Mrs. Alice is the wife of our mission board's president. Again, she cannot replace Granny, but Mrs. Burge sure knows how to dote on a person needing to be smothered in grandmotherly love.

The children missed grandparents, too, and God met their needs.



When I missed my best friend Glenda (oh, how I missed her on deputation!)...

God provided Felicia to be that friend I could sit down with and talk face to face. Glenda would have dropped everything and come running if she could. She has done that many times in my life, but I couldn't exactly say, "Glenda, I need a hug. Can you drive 500 miles to give me one?" But God knit our family's hearts with Felicia's family instantly. How blessed we are to have met them!

Even when the children missed their pets, God provided, again. On one long drive to our next destination, the children simultaniously began crying that they missed Jetta (dog) and Snickers (cat.) We comforted them the best we could, but all we could do was cry out to God for Him to help them as their tears flowed. Then we pulled up to the house where we were staying. Out popped several little kittens and a dog! My children immediately felt God's hand swoop down upon them! They KNEW this was His doing!



After all, He keeps His promises, doesn't He?

Luke 18:29-30 "And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God's sake, Who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting."

Our family now has homes across several states and in Canada that gladly would open their doors to us. We have mothers, fathers, grandmothers, pets, and friends all over the world. We would have never met them had we not been willing to say goodbye to friends and family back home.

And it was easier to spot them when I tried to be myself. When I was... real.  When I realized that not everyone is going to "like" us and that it was OK! God knit our hearts with our supporting churches. That's what we wanted most... more than money. We wanted a supporting church FAMILY. We needed people who would care about us personally and would faithfully pray for us. We didn't want financial investors... we wanted fathers, mothers, grandparents, children, and friends willing to invest more than just money, but love, time, and prayer.

So now we can add to our definition of deputation:

Pre-field Ministry

An Opportunity to Grow Closer as a Family

An Opportunity for Education, Exploration, and Adventure

And Now...

Time to Meet the Supporting Church FAMILY and Bond

To Be Continued...

Coming up...

Delightful Deputation (Part 5) The Facility for Training

By Charity, Southern Asia



Missionary Monday ~ How to Support Your Missionary Wives

I get asked this on a weekly basis, "How can we better support you? What is it that you need from us?" I always worry when I answer. I am never sure that I give the right or all-encompassing response. I´m not even sure that my attempt to do so in this blog will be correct. I always worry when I put a blanket statement like the title above. For truly, we are all individuals, and I cannot answer for every missionary wife. And as my experience is limited to my country of service and time here, I am sure something will be left out. So, I am definitely not the most qualified person to answer this. But since it is asked of me… often… and I have this forum, I asked God to help me generally answer on behalf of some of my co-workers around the world, and maybe in some small way help us all knit closer together as the family of God.

1.) Be Interested. I cannot tell you what it means to me when I get an e-mail or message or letter, and I can tell the person has been following our ministry - has read our prayer letter, knows our prayer requests, has checked out our Facebook pages. The fact that someone would take time out of their busy schedule and think of and/or pray for us means the world! Can I be honest? I don´t know how missionaries did it before technology! They were obviously better people than I. Because of distance, there is that immediate disconnect. It can be discouraging if you think no one from home that supports you cares about what you are killing yourself to do in a foreign country. Of course, I can already hear some of the sour responses ¨But, you are doing it for the Lord, not for men. That should be it´s own reward!¨ And you´re right! That´s why most missionaries will stay on the field. The reward is not why we do it, anyway. But the encouragement is a motivation. A reminder that just as this person sees, God sees us, too. We are not forgotten. It´s always a missionary´s fear, that as soon as the missions conference is over, or the next missionary comes to visit, we will be but a distant memory. Make an extra effort to be sure your missionary wife knows you think about her! Every single one of them! Because as soon as your missionary family steps off the plane onto that unfamiliar land, the devil starts telling them they don´t matter. No one cares. What they do will never make a difference. And he whispers those things constantly, especially into the wife´s ear. And each time you send that message, mail that package, make that call, you have helped defeat Satan and encouraged your missionary´s wife to keep going. She is not alone.

2.) Be Patient. I wish I could explain this well in words; but unless you experience it, it is an impossibility, but I will try. Things move at a different speed in foreign countries. I live in a city of 10 million people with Wi-fi (sometimes!) and Starbucks {which most missionary wives don´t!}, and STILL it takes me half the day just to cook my meals for the day. Nearly everything has to be done from scratch… and when I say scratch, I mean like chop the head off the chicken…, we need to wash and sanitize every veggie & fruit, purify/boil water before using, and so many other things that just eat up time. It takes hours to grocery shop. You have to push and shove just to be waited on; you will stand in line just for them to let a grumpy person cut in front of you so they ¨stop making a scene,¨ and carts of bloody meat will crash into your leg at least once a month. Every place has a line that you must wait in, but they can´t tell you why. And just driving somewhere in the horrific traffic is enough to give the sweetest lady severe road rage. Nothing can be easily done. You can´t just run to the corner store, grab a can of soup, and heat it up for dinner. You have to understand that sometimes the ATM will run out of money and they will fill it ¨when they come¨. Which could be an hour or next Tuesday. Everything must always be done in a different language while trying to understand the different mindset. And most missionary wives have to do all of this with children! So add all your pastor´s wife does and put it in these circumstances {and I really didn´t even scratch the surface!}. Maybe now you will understand when she does not answer your e-mail right away. Or why she did not ¨like¨ your church´s FB status, yet. Contrary to a somewhat popular notion, we do not sit on the internet all day. [Yes, I see the irony as I blog that on the internet ]. In my own life, I had someone very upset because they sent me a very nice FB message that it took me awhile to respond to. She told me that the computer said I was on-line. So, she took it to mean I just did not care to answer her. Newsflash! I am ALWAYS signed in, either on my phone or Kindle or somewhere! I never log out ~ and now all the hackers are running to my FB account ~ But, it doesn´t mean I am always sitting there waiting to NOT answer you. OK, personal rant over . But, honestly, We want to answer you. We want to give you an update on everything. We want to send you pictures of the children. We want to send you the list of needs. And we will! Just be patient with us!

3.) Be Kind. Ok, so this should be a no-brainer, right? But I just felt I should include it, because of some of the things I hear. I recently went back to the States, and so many of my amazing friends sent clothes back with me for the Peruvians, and they sent the very best! I was so proud to give them to our people. But we have gotten things in packages for us or to ¨share with the people¨ - threadbare clothes, half-used bottles of shampoo, and all the other things that looked like they had been on their way to the garbage pile and accidentally put in the missionary package. Don´t just give. If you only have a blanket with stains and holes, just throw it away! And instead, pray for the missionary. One of my friends in another country was so excited as she waited for a box of clothes for her kids. She got it and the note said ¨We sent these because your last picture was so pathetic. At least now, maybe your kids will match!¨ Now, this time the clothes were VERY nice and first class, but the words stung! Every time she put those clothes on her children, she felt like a failure as a mother. Every time she heard of someone that had seen that picture, she felt embarrassed and ashamed. Kind of took all the joy out of the package. Kindness goes such a long way! Simply just a kind word… or being kind enough to not share your opinions, especially of her or her family… could make such a difference to your missionary´s wife.

4.) Be Understanding. I know. We are supposed to be super Christians. We are never supposed to have a bad day. We are supposed to have perfect children who love their new culture and don´t miss America at all. We should always look good and not like the dowdy missionary wife. But, we should not look too good because then we must be stealing support money and going on shopping sprees! We are supposed to be able to sing and play at least two musical instruments. We should always have a good attitude about our husband´s never being home. Our prayer letters should always be positive and filled with good news, even though most don´t read them anyway. Complaining is forbidden. Tears are unwelcome. Depression is a sin. ~~ I´m about to tell you a secret now. According to these standards, we fail. We all fail. Every missionary´s wife is no longer allowed to be one, then. And, I know you think I´m exaggerating. And no, not everyone holds us to these, but some do. I have known people who have lost support because their prayer letter had ¨too many needs listed and not enough souls saved¨. Or the pastor who called my friend´s husband because "Your wife seemed to be having a bad week when we visited your work. I don´t think she is cut out for life on the field." Really? I mean, really? We are human. Unfortunately. Trust me ~ We all wish we did not have our failings and shortcomings! Life would be so much easier. But, just try to understand. Be her shoulder to cry on. Let her be homesick. Allow her some ¨prickly¨days. Understand. And with that, maybe try the next one…

5.) Be Her Prayer Warrior! This is the most important one! Her husband and children have a prayer warrior; it is her. The people they serve have a prayer warrior; it´s her. All of their supporting churches have a prayer warrior; it´s her - the missionary wife. But, who prays for her? And not in the ¨dear-God-bless-all-the-missionaries-out-there¨ way, although we will take that, too! But in the ¨I´m going to take this whole week and just pray for her. I will find out her prayer requests. I will pray for miracles. I will even fast a day. I will beg God to bind Satan in her life. I will weep as I ask God to protect her relationships and body. I will be the one who takes her name to God so she can have the wisdom, grace, love, mercy, peace, and strength to get through the day.¨ I know you´re thinking that it sounds pretty intense. And it is. We stand between the living and the dead here. I personally have encountered more spiritual warfare in the last year and a half than I ever have in my previous 30 years combined. The devil has had such a stronghold in all of our countries of service, and you can hear his demons scream and rage as another missionary sets foot on ¨his¨ kingdom. He will unleash all of his venom - every evil, every mind game, every sickness, every sin, every temptation, every hurt he has at his disposal until he can get them to leave. And the devil knows, just like he did in the garden of Eden, that the success of this missionary family hinges on one person… the wife. So, he´ll target her. He always does. That´s why she needs a prayer warrior. I´m begging you for her. Please, fast and pray for your missionary´s wife. It´s the only way she´ll survive.

I hope this helps! I must include that Junior & I are SO blessed to have the BEST supporting churches ever! They are all of these things to me and so much more. I love them, every single one of them. I have just felt Spirit-led to share this with you all. I love all of my missionary wife friends out there, too! Keep going, Ladies! Hang in there. Don´t give up! If you get knocked down, get up again {we all do!}! I have the highest respect for each of you and count you all as a true heroine. If I left the mission field today, it would have been the greatest and most instructive time in my life, and it has made me realize just how AMAZING each of one you ladies are! Can´t wait to get to heaven & see how God honors your behind-the-scenes, selfless, sacrificial lives that you´ve given for Him.

Love ~ Jessica

This is a guest post by Jessica.  She is a missionary's wife serving the Lord in Peru.  You can read more of her writings at her blog - Living Redeemed.