Thursday, February 16, 2017

My Princess, Be Pure (Part 4 and 5: Setting Your Affections and Life)

If you missed any of the My Princess, Be Pure series, here are the links:
Part 1: Setting Your Goals

Our conversation continued to be open, honest, beautiful, and fruitful. This little retreat was just what we needed for so many reasons. We were growing in our knowledge of each other as well as our trust and respect for each other. She ministered to me as much as I was ministering to her.

The topics thus far had been very positive, but this next section was a little more blunt on the tragedies and pitfalls.

It was time to talk about setting her affection.

"Set your affection on things above, not on things on earth." Colossians 3:2

There are two stories that stick out immediately of people who allowed earthly affection to draw them away from the Lord: Solomon and Samson. In our next session, we talked about how God had warned Solomon that ungodly women would turn his heart. Solomon, the wisest man, did not heed the wisdom. His heart was turned. (1 Kings 11:1-8)

We talked about Samson in Judges 14-16, especially Judges 14:3. He felt strong and invincible. He chased the desires of his flesh and paid the price with his life. We talked about how we may pridefully think we can handle things in our strength, but how in our own strength we will fail. We talked about how God still got glory out of Samson even though he failed God in many ways.

This was the perfect time to talk about what my daughter should do if she makes a mistake. I want to always leave the door open for her to talk to me even if she makes bad choices. What would we do if one day she came to us and told us she was pregnant? What would we do if she felt like she got herself backed in a corner because of foolish decisions she made?

We want her to know that our door is always open. Our hearts would always love her. We would meekly approach the sin if needed, but it would always be an atmosphere of love and compassion. After all, we are sinners, too. We cannot judge her, but we can always reach out to rescue her in love.

We also talked briefly about the woman at the well in John 4. Why did she have so many husbands? It wasn't because there is something wrong with marriage. Women often look to relationships to fill a void in their hearts. It is a void only God can fill. It is unfair for us to look to men to fill that longing. They cannot satisfy it! And when we look to them to satisfy it, both people in the relationship pay the price.

We ended the conversation talking about in order to have a successful, godly relationship, she doesn't need to look for a relationship. She needs to look for God. She needs to be heavenly minded. Then God will, if it is His desire, place the right person in her path in His time. If she loves the Lord above all, she will also attract someone who also loves the Lord the same way. (If you want to catch a Godly fish, you gotta use Godly bait!) Again, we emphasized not looking for the right one, but being the right one. We also emphasized not waiting around for Mr. Right, but pursuing God and trusting that if He wants her to marry, He will bring the one of His choosing into her life.

This session lasted ten minutes because my daughter is very familiar with these Bible passages.

Because the fourth session was so short and easy, we went right on into the last session: Setting Your Life!

We simply read her favorite chapter in the Bible: Proverbs 31!
There is something about reading that chapter that ignites a flame in a Christian woman. That passage reminds us of who we want to be.

After we finished reading, we transitioned into the "blushable" conversations. Reading Proverbs 31 really made the transition easy because we were talking girly things already!

I was very honest with her that the topic made me blush, too, but that I want her to hear these things from me instead of the world. I wanted to make sure she had a biblical perspective.

We talked about breast health and self exams. She has a family history of breast cancer on her dad's side, so I really wanted to make sure she understood how important this was. We also talked about how in the next few years she would have a new doctor that specialized in women's health. We talked about how to pay attention to her body and any changes.

Then we moved into reproduction. There were some things she already knew because of conversations we had when she was younger preparing her for her period, but she was very innocent in details. Yes, I asked her straight out to tell me what she knew about sex. I discovered I literally was starting with a practically blank slate! (This is very rare, so please don't be shocked if your daughter has already been "informed" by someone else on some details. You can still help her see things from a biblical perspective. I do recommend explaining to your daughter that if someone attempts to talk to them about this subject that she needs to tell that person this is a topic that is for mom and daughter only.)

My philosophy is to share on a "ready-to-know/need-to-know" basis. I know my daughter well. Through the Lord's guidance, I chose only to share the details that she was ready for and truly needed to know at this point. We used all the correct terms for parts and activities. I drew a stick figure diagram of her internal anatomy and explained the function of each. To explain the male counterparts, I did not draw a diagram. She has a little brother who use to enjoy streaking when we least expected it. She knows boys look different from girls. I explained the purpose of the difference between the male and female parts by using what she had learned in science about flowers. Boys are the stamen and girls are the pistil. I did not go into the logistics of how things happen other than the two must meet in order for the egg to become alive and be a baby.

We talked about how God had designed this method from the beginning and that it was pure and beautiful in the context that God designed it. But Satan and our sinful flesh like to twist it to please self and to rebel against God. I don't ever want her to think of sex in marriage as dirty, but I want her to know outside of God's design sins against God and robs her of the joy and fulfillment God designed it to bring.

The topic really isn't that complicated and we don't need to dump too much information on our daughters all at once. They don't need full disclosure all at once, but in stages as they are able to spiritually, mentally, and emotionally digest it.
This session literally took about 15 minutes, and at the end she told me that yes, it made her uncomfortable, but that she was glad I was the one sharing it with her.

And I was glad, too.


I hope this series has been helpful to you and your daughter(s). I have to admit this was all new to me. I simply researched and prayed. I wanted God to guide me as I guided my daughter. I am sure He will do the same for you.

Please leave a comment to let me know how the My Princess, Be Pure series has helped you.

1 comment:

Lou Ann Keiser said...

Sweet. I loved your sensitivity to needs at the time. I believe we need to parent each child in the way he needs parenting at the time. I loved "Godly bait." :)