Thursday, May 8, 2014

I am Not There, I am Here

Sometimes being transparent is a little uncomfortable, but often, being transparent helps others grow and know they are not alone.

Yes, missionary women face many of the things covered in this post at sometime or another. It is one of the emotional and mental battles that just go with the title "missionary." But, ladies, don't be discouraged. We are blessed beyond measure. Check your focus, and keep pressing forward. You are not alone. And your Father knows your needs.

For those who want a glimpse in the life of a missionary woman, here is another "behind the scenes" look. Don't forget to pray for us all. We need it!


I am not there.

          I am here.

The miles are long. Their days are my nights. My days are their nights.

I am not there. I am here.

She looks so beautiful, dressed in white. She walks the aisle, and he meets her at the front. The “I do’s” are said and tears of joy are shed. I do not see it. I only have pictures. I am not there. I am here.

The tree is put up and decorated. The lights glisten and glow. Sipping hot chocolate after a family dinner. Presents exchanged. But I am not there. I am here.

Tears are shed. Flowers fill the chapel. A casket is closed. Hearts are broken. Goodbyes are spoken. Comforting hugs. Reminiscing over happy memories. But I am not there. I am here.

A family hurting. Children crying. Parents aching. And someone leaves. A broken home. Phone calls and emails are all I have. My heart wants to hold them, to cry with them. I want to wipe away the tears. But I am not there. I am here.

Bad news comes. Health is failing. Surgeries. Treatments. Doctor’s appointments. I cannot help. I cannot drive for them or cook a meal or clean. I am not there. I am here.

A beautiful pregnant belly. The gender announced. Before long, the labor starts. The baby’s first cry. Happy parents. But I do not get to hold the baby. I do not hear the cry. I am not there. I am here.

Birthdays come and go. Trials faced. But I am not there…

Sometimes my heart wants to cry out, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first see her wedding. Let me first see the baby born. Let me make sure everyone will be o.k. while I am gone. Let me first… me first…”

              Me first…

I am not the first to think it. I am not the first to feel the pull… the tug.

Luke 9:57-62 “And it came to pass, that, as they went in the way, a certain man said unto him, Lord, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest.  And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head. And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God. And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house. And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Following is not without sacrifice. I don’t want to look back. I want to keep my hand to the plough. I want to plough straight and deep.

My heart wants to cry, “Me first!” So I remind my heart about what belongs first.

Matthew 6:33  “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

If I put Him first, He will supply me need… comfort when I ache inside… comfort when I miss family and friends… comfort when the tears flow.

Why am I here when I am missing out on things there?

                       I remember why I am here. I remember Who brought me here.

Romans 10:13-15 “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!”

I am not there.

              By God’s grace, I am here.

                                            So today, I lay “there” on the altar again.

I am here.

by Charity, Southern Asia


Helen said...

I so needed this. This week the "there" will not go away.

David and Dee Dee Sterling said...

Very good read. I think many need to read this too.

Myra Wright said...

Thank you. The adjustment is not easy!!!!

The Cernas said...

My precious mother-in-law had cancer surgery and I so much want to be "there" to help. Your post was perfect for me this morning. Thanks for the encouragement :)

Lou Ann Keiser said...

Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you, Charity.

Pat said...


Debbie said...

Yes, it is hard to here and not there and you put the struggle so wonderfully into words.

Daniel and Abigail said...

THANK YOU!!!! It is so true but thanks for the reminder of why we do what we do.

Aleassa said...

Thank you for sharing, this was beautiful and so true!

Sarah Russell said...

Amazing how God always gives us what we need exactly when we need it! Such a blessing to read your post!

Amy Meyers said...

Excellent 2nd-to-last line. Something we can all visualize, short enough to remember and DO. Good thoughts. We all struggle with that.

Anonymous said...

Awesome post! Thank you for sharing your heart! As a missionary wife in one of the most remote areas of Honduras, there have been many days when I had to put "there" back on the altar...this was such an encouragement and a blessing!

Anonymous said...

By HIS grace...lovely post from the heart! Thank you for sharing. Joy L.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing. As a mother of a Missionary, I have to remind myself daily that the work my son and his family are doing is God's will....I am missing seeing my grand children growing up except for very occasional visits, pictures and face time. As a child of God, I have to put away my needs and praise the Lord that they are speading God's word and saving souls. Nancy Rosales, Mom of Beau Moore in Lisbon Portugal

Chris and Carole said...

Amen! Thank you, Charity, for putting this into words!