It's his junior year in high school.
I am taking a deep breath.
Two years. That's it.
He will be returning to the States for college...
and as far as we know, for life.
I cannot fathom what it will be like to drop him off at college
and to climb on a plane heading 10,000 miles away from him.
I have cooked his meals.
I have nursed his wounds.
I read books to him when he was younger.
I homeschooled him for his whole life.
But when we step on that plane without him,
I will not be there for those things.
Fear wants to grip my heart.
Pain wants to invade.
My heart really wants to ignore the reality and pretend it will not happen.
But it will happen... ready or not.
I can hear wisdom whispering, "Prepare."
But how do I prepare for this?
How do I prepare for my heart to be ripped in two?
I must prepare him... and I must prepare myself.
He is learning to cook and clean and iron.
I am learning to lean and trust and cry out.
Psalm 18:6 "In my distress I called upon the LORD,
and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple,
and my cry came before him, even into his ears."
He is learning to be independent from me.
I am learning to be dependent on the Lord more than ever before
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
He is learning to pray and study and seek God on his own.
I am learning to find comfort from the Lord when I feel alone.
Hebrews 13:5 "... for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."
He is learning how to make decisions.
I am learning to treasure God's design in maturing my children.
1Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I spake as a child,
I understood as a child, I thought as a child:
but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
He is watching us to learn.
I am watching and seeking counsel from other missionary moms
who have experienced this same struggle.
Proverbs 12:15 "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes:
but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise."
He is learning to embrace his strengths.
I am learning to embrace this weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
He is learning to trust his training...
years dedicated to preparing him for this moment.
I am learning to trust God's promises.
Mark 10:29-30 "And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's, But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life."
With all this preparation, will the pain hurt less? Probably not. But the comfort will be greater knowing my God is true to His Word. He understands what it is to be separated from His Son. He has felt the agony. And He is qualified and able to get me through it when the time comes.
But for two years, I will teach my son...
I will prepare him the best I can...
I will love him and play with him and treasure every moment I have with him...
And I will get to know my God in a richer, deeper way than ever before.
Nahum 1:7 "The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble;
and he knoweth them that trust in him."
by Charity, Southern Asia