Thursday, May 25, 2017

Ministering Around The World- Part V; Russia, Norway & Alaska

These three places are from pretty wide ranges but they also have some similarities that I thought might make them fun to view together. And it was very educational in that some things I thought made them similar actually weren't at all! Well that has been one of the great things about this project is learning so many unlearned things and correcting false assumptions. So let's dig into these 3 very interesting countries.
Geographically I saw Alaska, Russia and the islands of Norway being all isolated cold type environments but come to find out that Norway isn't just the islands of the North but most of the country is attached to Europe by Sweden and Denmark. I didn't expect that but I also didn't expect Norway to be the most unreached country out of the three with only one independent baptist missionary I can find.

I found four great ladies to help me learn about these three countries Gayle Compton (Alaska), Amber Pranger (Russia), & Joy Crockett (assisting in Norway). They were all very kind and informative. It is always and honor to interview the ladies I get to meet about their ministries and how God is working.
Norway was said to be a mainly Lutheran country, Alaska ranges from Episcopal to Anamism and Shamanism where these ladies serve and 47% Protestant in the country as a whole, and Russia leans on the Russian Orthodox Church. What a range of religions and differences! These countries also vary greatly in size and population. We all know the enormity of Russia, with 144 million people burrowed in its massive country!

And surprisingly Norway although quite smaller than Alaska far out weighs them in citizens. Norways shores include 5 million people while Alaska only consists of approximately 739,000 people.
All three of these countries have Modern societies within their borders. Norway is not only modern but extremely expensive. It is said to be the most expensive country in the world to live in. Russia is mostly modern throughout in varying degrees. With many cities sporting an industrial feel with skyscrapers and apartment towers throughout . Alaska on the other hand varies greatly. They have some very large and modern cities such as Fairbanks and Anchorage but there is also small villages that have an almost third world quality to them. In many communities in Alaska, people live very traditional lives. They still hunt and fish for a living and livelihood.

The missionaries in both Alaska and Russia say they believe there to be 20-40 independent Baptist missionaries serving in their countries. While Norway only has 1 independent baptist missionary serving there but coincidentally one of the ladies I interviewed who served in Alaska for many years is now in a transition to going to serve in Norway. I was told there is another two couples trying to go there also as missionaries. The visa process is not easy or cheap.What a blessing to see more couple joining forces to reach these 5 million unreached Norwegians with the gospel. Please pray the Lord provides a way for them to move there and begin the work.
The Norwegian people are very independent people. They are trained from a young age to care for themselves and they don't quickly trust others. As in many other countries, for them trust is vital for someone to openly listen to the gospel message. The lady told us that it is not uncommon to take 10 years to completely win someone's friendship! Can you believe that? Can you imagine the dedication and love it takes to keep loving someone for years and years so that eventually you can share the message of Christ with them and hopefully they will accept him?
The lady I spoke to about Norway is actually involved in a missionary encouragement ministry. Her husband and her, travel all over the world trying to up-lift, invest, labor with and encourage the missionaries serving there. They understand the power of discouragement and how the devil loves to use it and how he fights the spread of the gospel. They feel called to help "hold up the arms" of those laboring around the globe. I'm sure that must be especially encouraging to those who serve in countries with very few missionaries and very slow conversions.
People in both Alaska and Russia also tend to be reached by relationships, however not quite as lengthy of ones as Norway. In Alaska the people aren't quick to accept outsiders and it definitely takes some time to win an audience to share Christ. One of the ladies worded it great, that their main outreach is hospitality. Not only by kindly sharing the gospel in outreach ministries but also by showing kindness to neighbors and friends by spending time with them and lending a hand when necessary. In Russia, Amber also spoke of spending time with people sometimes on special occasions and sometimes just sharing a cup of tea. She said they use American holidays as a way to invite others over and prayerfully build the relationship and share Christ through anything possible. In Norway they will also teach English classes or even host classical music concerts to create environments where they can meet people and sew seeds of the gospel.
In Russia and Alaska there is a basis of works salvation Christianity that the missionaries are working to overcome. I don't know if anyone of you reading were saved out of a works based religion, but it has a strong hold on your heart and mind that loves to snare those who hear the truth. When they hear the truth they are plagued with doubts about the validity of simply trusting the act of One. Surely they must have to DO something. Bible truth and the Holy Spirit conviction are truly necessary to break through the blindness and confusion.
In Russia as many of you may have read in the news many missionaries are facing more and more oppression from the government. You can read about a recent story here about a missionary facing this problem.
http://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/world/2017/january/exclusive-american-missionary-fights-to-pray-read-bible-in-putins-russia
To have religious freedom to meet in a group or invite anyone to a group religious meeting or hand out literature with a church's name on it you must have your church registered with the government. Thankfully those who do register with the government are granted unfettered religious freedom. But for those who don't, it makes any form of outreach, church services or publicity a fearful thing.
I asked the ladies about what was one of their largest struggles. In Norway and Alaska they spoke of the depression that darkness brings. We have all heard about the months of darkness in these far North countries. And we have previously in a post about Greenland, talked about the power this has over our emotions and how it drives many in those cultures to alcohol and how many other problems stem from that.
This is a unique struggle that requires the grace of the Lord to maintain a joyful spirit in this environment. It also creates a society under the power of alcohol, which we all know is a stronghold of the devil that people need the power of God to overcome. In a Alaska it is also very uniques because many places are quite remote. Some have only plane access and the people drive everywhere on ATV's. While in Russia, Amber said that the struggle is living in such a busy society. The people keep a packed schedule and tend to not want to take time for church.
From the European country of Norway, to the frigid American territory of Alaska, to the vast country of Russia I've enjoyed learning about the culture, the missionaries lives and ministries and the need of the people. I'm again inspired by what can be accomplished in the lives of those who simply say, "yes" to the Lord and follow his path for their lives.
The Lord is able to use his children in difficult challenging situations to shout out his gospel across the globe. I'm always encourage by fellow servants who faithfully and patiently love and invest in people. I'm thankful for these ladies and the many others who are serving in these countries. I hope these few things will help you pray for those you support in these countries.
Pranger Family
By: April McTague

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Rules for Parenting and Youth Ministry


I am going to share with you a little known secret: Missionary kids are not perfect.


I think I just heard a collective gasp from around the world. Some missionary moms just gasped because I spilled the beans. Other moms gasped because I just destroyed your fairy tale idea of missionary kids.

All joking aside, missionary kids are just like other kids. They make mistakes. They sin. They make bad choices sometimes. Honestly, there are times when I have thought of my own children, "Who is this kid? He/she should know better!" Sometimes I find myself demanding or expecting perfection out of my own children.

Now don't get me wrong. My kids are amazing. I love watching God work in their lives. I love seeing them make great choices. I love seeing them grow and change. But there are times when they trip and stumble.

When I am reminded that they are sinners (just like me) sometimes I get frustrated. Sometimes I feel fear. Sometimes panic wants to invade my heart. During those moments, I try to do some reflection. I reflect on lessons on parenting that God has already taught me through His Word, through counsel, and through past experiences.
3 John 1:4 "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."

Parenting and youth ministry is difficult and often heartbreaking. Just as seeing our children walk in truth can bring great joy, seeing our children stumble can bring deep grief. During those times we must stay focused. We must not forget what God has already taught us, and we must learn each day as the Lord teaches us new things.

Join me as I share with you such a time of reflection.

  1. Rules - Relationship = Rebellion
  2. Relationship - Rules = Dysfunction
  3. No matter what shocking news they tell you, never let the surprise show on your face. If they confide in you, they are looking for security. If they think they have shocked you, it may close off the doors of communication and trust. Just remember, no matter the shocking news, they have come to you. That's a good thing, and it is a foundation you can work with to help them get on the right path.

    Proverbs 1:8-9  "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck."

  4. No matter how great of a parent or youth leader a person is, it does not guarantee children who will choose right. God is a perfect parent and look at us! So if you discover one day that your children are sinners, just as we are, be patient with them just as God is with us. If sin must be confronted and corrected, make sure you are spiritual (walking in the spirit and not in anger and disappointment) AND that you do it in meekness. After all, we are all in the same boat... we are all sinners.

    Galatians 6:1 "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted."
  5.  Don't fall for the quality/quantity lie. "It's not how much time you spend with them; it's the quality of time." Ugh... No, quantity matters greatly too. Set time aside. Sacrificial time. When we do that it sends the message that our children are extremely valuable and worth sacrificing for.

    Psalm 127:3 "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."
  6. When young people (especially around the age of 12 and above) begin questioning our standards and convictions... and when "Don't do this because I said no" is no longer good enough, don't panic. It's actually a wonderful opportunity and exactly where you want them to be. We don't want them to have convictions and standards simply because mom and dad do or because a Sunday school teacher does. We want them to know what they believe and why they believe it. We want them to own it for themselves.

    So when they begin questioning, encourage their questions! And be ready to answer from Scripture why you believe and practice what you do. If they say they aren't sure they believe the same that you do, don't worry. Keep pointing them to God's Word and tell them they don't have to agree with you... they should, however, seek to line up with Scripture. While they must submit to your authority while in your home or under your authority, you are preparing them to follow God's Word even when you are not around.

    Proverbs 4:5 "Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth."
  7. Be real. Young people can spot a fake miles away.

    James 1:22 "But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves."
  8. Be consistent. Follow through or you become hypocritical in the eyes of young people.

    Ecclesiastes 5:5 "Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay."

  9. Don't send mixed messages. "Church is vital!" But then you allow them to skip church for ball games. "The Bible is our standard!" But then you can't explain from the Bible why you do what you do or don't do. "Obey authority!" But then they see you trying to skirt around rules. Mixed messages send the message that truth is relative and they can decide what is right for them... and that's not true.

    Matthew 15:8 "This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me."
  10. We want our children to know God's Word. Having standards is a good thing. But without an intimate relationship with the Lord, these things puff them (and us) up in pride. We must teach our children that motive matters. Love for the Lord should be our driving force. It will keep us meek. It will keep us humble. In turn we can teach our children through our actions and attitudes.

    1 Corinthians 8:1 "Now as touching things offered unto idols, we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth."
  11. We cannot be the Holy Spirit in the lives of youth. Manipulation, nagging, appealing to emotions, and cultivating guilt are destructive behaviors born out of a lack of faith. They tear down. God's Word must be carefully used in love with a heart for rescue and edifying, trusting that we may impact the ears, but the Spirit takes the Word and penetrates the heart. We must never use the Word as a battering ram to break into the heart. Doing so will merely harden a heart toward the conviction of the Spirit. Wield the Word gently in faith and let the Holy Spirit do His work in His time and in His way.

    Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
  12. Stop rescuing children from the consequences of their actions. Sowing and reaping is God's design, and it is often the method by which we grow and learn. Yes, be compassionate. Yes, weep with them if necessary. Sin brings pain. Hurting with them helps them to understand that we know what it is like to face the music of our sinful choices. Allowing them to face the consequences also shows them the faith that you have that God is working, that God is holy, that sin is ugly, and that they can grow if they choose repentance. If the consequences they face break your heart... imagine how God feels when He must chastise us.

    Galatians 6:7 "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."
  13. If they come to you in confidence, don't ruin their trust by sharing things with others. The trust of young people is a valuable and fragile thing. There are certain things we are legally obligated to tell to authorities, but even in that we should be up front about it with them and let them know we have to tell. Other things... if it is best shared, ask permission or better yet, encourage them to do the right thing and tell. Let them know you are with them and supporting them. Go with them literally if needed.
    Proverbs 11:13  "A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter."
  14. Our greatest ministry to children isn't cleaning or cooking. It isn't games and date times. It isn't gifts or lesson plans or even hugs and kisses. It's prayer. Pray pray pray. God can do what we cannot. God can protect and God can reach a heart. God can heal. God can convict. So pray faithfully. Pray fervently. Pray consistently. Pray.
    1 Thessalonians 5:17  "Pray without ceasing."

Parenting and Family Book Recommendations



   



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by Charity, Southern Asia
Author of Heart-At Home Mom

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Fresh Family Devotion Ideas



To be honest, it's our lifeline. We treasure it. The children have fond memories from it.
Family devotion time

Our entire family treasures this special time each evening. We like to keep this time fresh and exciting. Sometimes we change up the routine.

Do you need some ideas of how to keep family devotion time precious, fruitful, and memorable? Check out what we do.

We always start with prayer. We take prayer requests and then we also pray for one of our supporting churches. We have a container with index cards that have the name of supporting churches on them. We draw one card each devotion night.

Then we do one of the following devotion styles:

  1. Regular Devotion Time
    Most devotion times, Dad leads. He often picks a book of the Bible and we work our way through it.
  2. English Singing Night
    Sometimes we really miss singing in our native tongue! There is nothing like singing the songs and understanding every word. There are five members in our family. Each person gets to choose a song on this night.
  3. Q & A Night
    Daddy introduced this night a couple of months ago. He told the children and me that if we had any questions, to write them down and be ready to ask them on this night. I didn't realize how much the children would love this! They have asked questions about verses they came across during private devotions. They have asked questions about standards and convictions. The topics are wide ranging and great! Daddy is up front with them about topics that will take a little study before answering. He makes sure he gets back to them as soon as he can.
  4. Prayer and Share Night
    On this night, everyone takes turns sharing things God has been teaching them. It can be something that they learned during personal devotions or something that impacted them at church or through an online sermon. It's like a personal testimony time.
  5. Online Sermon Night
    Sometimes we miss listening to preaching in English. We miss listening to different preachers during revivals, camp meetings, and missions conferences. We also miss the depth of preaching that can be done in the States. Most preaching here has to be kept very basic (milk) for the sake of the people. These concepts are all new to them. Sometimes it is great to get strong meat!
  6. Child-Led Devotion Night
    Sometimes we encourage the children to be ready to lead a devotion. This will help them in the future when they teach their own family and when they teach others. They have to study and prepare.
  7. Check-Up Night
    Occasionally we do a spiritual check-up. Daddy and I ask the children how they are doing in their spiritual lives, if they are having struggles, how faithful they are being in private devotions, and if there are areas in which we can help counsel them or pray for them.

Resources Our Family Has Enjoyed for Devotions

Most of the time in our devotions we only used the Bible, but when our children were younger we occasionally used the Miller Family books. The devotions were simple stories centered around a practical Bible verse or passage. My youngest child has used these for his personal devotions on occasion as well. The Scriptures are KJV. The Miller family in the stories are Amish Mennonite, but the devotions through the following three books did not present any doctrinal conflict.


    

We use Sermon Audio frequently for our online sermon resource. Some of our family's favorites?

Pastor Kenny Baldwin

Pastor Lou Baldwin
Pastor Todd Abbey

We have a couple of hymnals at our home for singing nights.

Majesty Hymns
Bible Truth Hymns



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by Charity, Southern Asia


Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Thin Yeast-less Pizza Crust

I don't know about you but I am a homemade pizza fan. But the crust can sure be a tough one. And I have gone through a lot of different phases of how I like my crust; From thick and mile high to thin and crispy. After years of living in Nepal where almost all the pizza is true Italian wood fired pizza, I am a devoted thin crust fan. You get to taste the true yumminess of the ingredients without all the glugginess of huge crusts.

But each and every crust represents big challenges. I don't know if I an ever make Great pizza and home without the restaurant grade ovens but I will strive to get the best I can. I am drooling over a cool little tiny pizza oven for your stovetop in Amazon!

What I have found is the best way to cook your crust is to put it on a hot pre-heated stone. But you cannot completely premake your pizza to place it on the hot stone without a pizza peel. Believe me I have tried! But you can at last gently place a pre-rolled crust and quickly place ingredients.

I have also recently seen a tip about making your pizza on parchment paper and then placing it on the stone but I haven't tried yet! Though I'm excited too. I found this recipe a little while back. It makes a very nice thin non-fluffy crust that requires no resting, yeast or much time. I'm enjoying it for now. See what you think.

Ingredients-

  • 1 1/4 cups flour
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 2 tsp olive oil
  • 1 tsp light corn syrup (or maple in a pinch; as I normally am:)
  • 1/2 cup water

Directions:

  • Place pizza stone in oven and preheat to 450 degrees.

Make the crust:

  • In a large bowl, combine flour, salt, baking powder, olive oil, corn syrup, and water until thoroughly combined. Then roll out dough.

To make pizza:

  • Top crust with pizza sauce. Sprinkle cheese on pizza. Top with favorite toppings. Sprinkle with Italian seasoning and basil.
  • Transfer pizza crust to pizza stone or cookie sheet. Add sauce and ingredients. Bake 12-15 minutes, until cheese is golden and crust is brown. Allow to cool 3-5 minutes and slice into squares and serve.

 

Friday, May 5, 2017

For the Tired Missionary Woman



It happens on deputation. It comes when you’ve made that final push and finally gotten onto the plane to go to your field. It overwhelms when you are trying to adjust to all the new sights, smells, language, and customs. It creeps up when you’ve chased toddlers all day. It hits you hard on Sunday mornings—during church, of all times. You sit down, and you’re so exhausted, it’s all you can do to keep from nodding off. It comes upon you at home when you’ve entertained all week and you finally have time to sit down and have decent devotions. 

You’re tired. 

It can be physical, emotional, over-committed, spiritual, and all of the above—or a few of these in combination.

Every missionary woman gets tired. 

It’s at those tired times that we need to be the most watchful. Since we’re all so different—praise the Lord!—we have various reactions to tired:
  1. Press on. This isn’t a bad reaction, but it might nudge you over the top. Be careful not to press on when you should take a few moments to recharge. Take a nap. Cancel something that’s unnecessary. Reevaluate your calendar. Sit down with your Bible and your favorite refreshing drink. Close your door and prohibit entry—unless it’s a life-or-death issue. (I used to tell our kids that they could interrupt if it was for a life-or-death reason, and they’d crack up!)
  2. Get angry. When we’re tired, it’s so easy for us to take it out on our family members, the native people, and our field in general. It’s easy to focus on all the things we hate and to forget that we came here in the first place to show God’s love to people who desperately need Him. When anger and negativity creep in, it’s time to totally chill, open our Bibles, and refocus. Why did you come? (Or, why are you on deputation?) Ask God to help you love again. Re-examine your mission statement. Ours is: To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me (Acts 26:18).
  3. Become discontent. When we’re exhausted, our minds tend to get squawky. Rantrant, rant—at least in our heads. I don’t like this; I don’t like that. So-and-so didn’t treat me right. I need/want one of those. I can’t afford this or that. I wish I could dress like my fellow missionary lady. Why do those missionaries have it all together? I hate it that I’m single and have to do everything alone. I hate my husband, because he doesn’t meet my needs. My kids drive me crazy! The Bible says contentment can be learned. Paul learned it—in jail, by the way (Philippians 4:11). Ask God to give you a heart of thanks. Put away your squawking and start practicing praise. I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: I will sing unto thee among the nations (Psalm 57:9).
  4. Plan to leave. You are tired of it all. You might have only been on the field a few months or years, or you may have been there for twenty years or more. But, you’re tired. Your heart starts to turn off. You no longer care if the people get saved or not; they’re beyond help anyway. You want to go back home. Your head starts living in another place—and it’s not where you are. You start telling your husband you don’t want to be here. You’re done! This is a “dead-heart” discontentment. It’s dangerous to missions. Where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18b). You need a God-designed heart reset. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me (Psalm 51:10). When it’s the Lord’s time for you to leave your field, He’ll clearly direct you and your husband, and being content, you’ll know it’s the right time. God will smooth the way, direct the details, and send a replacement, as He sees fit. 
I confess I’ve been all of these places during our more than thirty-year missions career. I’ve been overcommitted, sometimes angry, from time-to-time discontent, and I’ve even been tired of it all and ready to quit. 

But, God in His mercy has taught me through each of these tired times. He’s helped me readjust my focus. He has taught me to rely on Him. God has led me in His will and renewed my joy. He’s given strength in weakness—a specialty of His—and has granted me new mercies every morning. Great is His faithfulness. (based on Lamentations 3:22-23)

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint (Isaiah 40:31).



Wherever you are in your missionary journey, when you’re tired, look to Jesus. Pray to Him. He will strengthen you, carry you, and direct you perfectly.




Thursday, May 4, 2017

Just a Little Blunt

We call her Buddhi Ama (boody om muh). It is a respectful way to say old mother. She had been in the hospital for three weeks. My husband and I had visited her when we found out she was in the hospital, but now she had finally come home. Our sweet elderly neighbor wanted us to visit as soon as possible, so we did.

Her grandson led us to the room where she was in bed. When she saw us, her face lit up. She looked so much healthier than when we saw her in the hospital. We love this sweet lady. She is like a grandmother to us. (I wish I had a picture of her, but we try to be very respectful when taking pictures of our people. We don't want them to feel paraded like spectacles.)






We sat and chatted for a while. When speaking to the people here, you have to be ready for two things:

  1. The people here are... well... curious. Some may say nosy, but curious is a better term. You never know what they will ask. They ask about the cost of things you buy, how much money you make, what your weight is. Nothing is off limits.
  2. The people are blunt. If they think it, they will probably say it.

Sure enough, it happened. She chose option number two.

"I don't like the color of your house. It's too dark."

Then her grandson chimed in with, "Yes, quite frankly, I don't like it either."

Sigh...



I just let it roll off. I have learned to have a thick skin here. It used to be very difficult, though. I used to weigh 50 pounds more than I weigh now. Frequently I would have people say, "You are so fat." Some would follow that statement with advice of how I could lose weight. It made it quite clear that being called fat was not considered a compliment like in some cultures. Even Buddhi Ama has told me before how fat I was. What was I to say? It was true! But now that I have lost so much weight, I haven't heard anything about being fat. Instead I hear about how thin I have become, and they ask how I did it.

So, in dealing with a blunt culture, when do you let it slide as part of the culture... and when do you confront the people for not being kind? If what they are saying isn't edifying, should I overlook it? Should I just have a thick skin or should I speak up?


Ephesians 4:29-32 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

I am sure there are varying opinions on this subject, but here are a few deciding factors that determine how I respond.

Are they Christian?

This is always my first thought. If the person I am dealing with is not a Christian, the Bible is not the basis of their behavioral standard. Buddhi Ama is Hindu. There are bigger fish to fry than her stating she doesn't like the color of my house or that she thought I was fat. She needs a Saviour!

As Christians, corrupt communication should never come from our mouths, but sometimes the corruptness of communication is determined by culture. I would never tell someone in America that they are fat. Americans are pretty sensitive about that. But in some cultures, calling someone fat is a compliment. Even here in certain areas and certain people groups it is considered a compliment. Culture can impact what is appropriate and what is not.

If the person is a Christian and what they said was Biblically or culturally inappropriate, yes, I would correct or instruct them how God wants us to use edifying words. Gossip is one of those things that is inappropriate communication in any culture because it is Biblically wrong. The book of Proverbs makes that clear. Calling someone fat? That would depend on the culture. The people here do not realize how offensive it is in American culture.

Was their comment intended to be vicious?

Christian or not, I like to also to think about why they may have said what they did. In a blunt culture, sometimes they say things simply because it is true. The sky is blue, the day is hot, you are fat, I don't like your food, and your house is ugly. To them, these statements are all similar. To them, there is nothing to cause offense. It is conversation. If you want to be friends or good neighbors, their opinion should matter.

But... there are some here who say blunt things because of pride. They want to tear a person down because they feel inferior. They cannot afford something. They cannot do something. They cannot be something. In order to compensate, they say something hurtful to injure the "offending" party. This happened with my other neighbor. She is familiar with American culture. She knows being called fat is offensive. She lived in America for a while. 

One day, after I had lost some weight, she said, "Wow. You look like you have put on some weight." (She is also a little overweight.) That wasn't the only time she said something intentionally to "humble" me. What did she think of the house?

"That is a Christian color. We don't paint our houses that color. You only chose that color because you are Christian." We were all totally confused by her statement, but it was clear she didn't approve. She is not a Christian.

What was Buddhi Ama's intent? Just after telling us she didn't like the color, she said, "When you were back in America I couldn't even look at your house because I knew you were not there. It made me sad. I missed you." She held my hand and squeezed. It was a sign of affection. The people rarely have physical contact here, so it made her intent clear.

Buddhi Ama's intent was just conversation among friends. She wanted us to value her input. She had no desire to hurt us.

Is my cultural perspective the reason I am offended?

As an American, I have to understand my own culture, too. The things that may offend me may be culturally based. Americans (by culture) are easily offended. We have pushed political correctness over the past few decades until we can hardly speak without someone getting offended... even if the intent is pure. In American culture, what can be inferred is more important that what is intended. That's why so many public figures have to backtrack and apologize for so many innocent statements that had no ill intent behind them.




In this country, the bigger concern in most situations is intent.

Why would Buddhi Ama call me fat? Well, because she wants me to be healthy! Now, that isn't the intent of everyone who called me fat, but knowing her made it easy to determine her motive.


Is there a way to turn it into a teachable moment that brings the relationship to a new level?

One of the aspects of this culture that is dangerous is the concern of "what will my neighbors think?" With a culture that so freely shares their opinions has also come a great snare... the fear of man.


Proverbs 29:25 "The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe."


I have had many people reject the Gospel because they were afraid of what their neighbors would think. We struggled finding a building to rent for church because people were afraid of what the neighbors would think.

Is my house color a teachable moment even for unbelievers? Absolutely! I can demonstrate the freedom that comes from pleasing God rather than worrying what people will think.

What did I tell Buddhi Ama about our house color?

"I'm sorry you do not like the color. We chose it because it is a common color in America. It hides dirtiness well so the house will look nicer longer. It also matches the stone colors in the railing. Also, we do not want to be like all the other houses. They are all that peach color. We wanted to choose something different. We almost chose the same color of your house, but then we wanted green because I like green."

I showed her that I respected her opinion, but that it was more important to us to choose colors that were practical. It was also important for us not to do things just like everyone else to please everyone else.

Her grandson agreed, and said their house was also kind of dark... unlike all the other houses around our house. Then they offered us tea and said how happy they were that of all the neighbors, we chose to visit with them even though we were so busy.