Rules for Parenting and Youth Ministry

I am going to share with you a little known secret: Missionary kids are not perfect.

I think I just heard a collective gasp from around the world. Some missionary moms just gasped because I spilled the beans. Other moms gasped because I just destroyed your fairy tale idea of missionary kids.

All joking aside, missionary kids are just like other kids. They make mistakes. They sin. They make bad choices sometimes. Honestly, there are times when I have thought of my own children, "Who is this kid? He/she should know better!" Sometimes I find myself demanding or expecting perfection out of my own children.

Now don't get me wrong. My kids are amazing. I love watching God work in their lives. I love seeing them make great choices. I love seeing them grow and change. But there are times when they trip and stumble.

When I am reminded that they are sinners (just like me) sometimes I get frustrated. Sometimes I feel fear. Sometimes panic wants to invade my heart. During those moments, I try to do some reflection. I reflect on lessons on parenting that God has already taught me through His Word, through counsel, and through past experiences.

3 John 1:4 "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."

Parenting and youth ministry is difficult and often heartbreaking. Just as seeing our children walk in truth can bring great joy, seeing our children stumble can bring deep grief. During those times we must stay focused. We must not forget what God has already taught us, and we must learn each day as the Lord teaches us new things.

Join me as I share with you such a time of reflection.

1. Rules - Relationship = Rebellion
2. Relationship - Rules = Dysfunction
3. No matter what shocking news they tell you, never let the surprise show on your face. If they confide in you, they are looking for security. If they think they have shocked you, it may close off the doors of communication and trust. Just remember, no matter the shocking news, they have come to you. That's a good thing, and it is a foundation you can work with to help them get on the right path.
   
   

   Proverbs 1:8-9  "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck."

   
   
4. No matter how great of a parent or youth leader a person is, it does not guarantee children who will choose right. God is a perfect parent and look at us! So if you discover one day that your children are sinners, just as we are, be patient with them just as God is with us. If sin must be confronted and corrected, make sure you are spiritual (walking in the spirit and not in anger and disappointment) AND that you do it in meekness. After all, we are all in the same boat... we are all sinners.
   
   

   Galatians 6:1 "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted."

5.  Don't fall for the quality/quantity lie. "It's not how much time you spend with them; it's the quality of time." Ugh... No, quantity matters greatly too. Set time aside. Sacrificial time. When we do that it sends the message that our children are extremely valuable and worth sacrificing for.
   
   

   Psalm 127:3 "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

6. When young people (especially around the age of 12 and above) begin questioning our standards and convictions... and when "Don't do this because I said no" is no longer good enough, don't panic. It's actually a wonderful opportunity and exactly where you want them to be. We don't want them to have convictions and standards simply because mom and dad do or because a Sunday school teacher does. We want them to know what they believe and why they believe it. We want them to own it for themselves.
   
   So when they begin questioning, encourage their questions! And be ready to answer from Scripture why you believe and practice what you do. If they say they aren't sure they believe the same that you do, don't worry. Keep pointing them to God's Word and tell them they don't have to agree with you... they should, however, seek to line up with Scripture. While they must submit to your authority while in your home or under your authority, you are preparing them to follow God's Word even when you are not around.
   
   

   Proverbs 4:5 "Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth."

7. Be real. Young people can spot a fake miles away.
   
   

   James 1:22 "But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves."

8. Be consistent. Follow through or you become hypocritical in the eyes of young people.
   
   

   Ecclesiastes 5:5 "Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay."

   
   
9. Don't send mixed messages. "Church is vital!" But then you allow them to skip church for ball games. "The Bible is our standard!" But then you can't explain from the Bible why you do what you do or don't do. "Obey authority!" But then they see you trying to skirt around rules. Mixed messages send the message that truth is relative and they can decide what is right for them... and that's not true.
   
   

   Matthew 15:8 "This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me."

10. We want our children to know God's Word. Having standards is a good thing. But without an intimate relationship with the Lord, these things puff them (and us) up in pride. We must teach our children that motive matters. Love for the Lord should be our driving force. It will keep us meek. It will keep us humble. In turn we can teach our children through our actions and attitudes.
    

    
    1 Corinthians 8:1 "Now as touching things offered unto idols, we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth."

11. We cannot be the Holy Spirit in the lives of youth. Manipulation, nagging, appealing to emotions, and cultivating guilt are destructive behaviors born out of a lack of faith. They tear down. God's Word must be carefully used in love with a heart for rescue and edifying, trusting that we may impact the ears, but the Spirit takes the Word and penetrates the heart. We must never use the Word as a battering ram to break into the heart. Doing so will merely harden a heart toward the conviction of the Spirit. Wield the Word gently in faith and let the Holy Spirit do His work in His time and in His way.
    
    

    Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."

12. Stop rescuing children from the consequences of their actions. Sowing and reaping is God's design, and it is often the method by which we grow and learn. Yes, be compassionate. Yes, weep with them if necessary. Sin brings pain. Hurting with them helps them to understand that we know what it is like to face the music of our sinful choices. Allowing them to face the consequences also shows them the faith that you have that God is working, that God is holy, that sin is ugly, and that they can grow if they choose repentance. If the consequences they face break your heart... imagine how God feels when He must chastise us.
    

    
    Galatians 6:7 "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."

13. If they come to you in confidence, don't ruin their trust by sharing things with others. The trust of young people is a valuable and fragile thing. There are certain things we are legally obligated to tell to authorities, but even in that we should be up front about it with them and let them know we have to tell. Other things... if it is best shared, ask permission or better yet, encourage them to do the right thing and tell. Let them know you are with them and supporting them. Go with them literally if needed.
    

    Proverbs 11:13  "A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter."

14. Our greatest ministry to children isn't cleaning or cooking. It isn't games and date times. It isn't gifts or lesson plans or even hugs and kisses. It's prayer. Pray pray pray. God can do what we cannot. God can protect and God can reach a heart. God can heal. God can convict. So pray faithfully. Pray fervently. Pray consistently. Pray.
    

    1 Thessalonians 5:17  "Pray without ceasing."

Parenting and Family Book Recommendations

Passionate Parenting by Cary Schmidt
Teach Them Diligently by Lou Priolo (Heads up... Not KJV, but very practical)
A Firm Foundation by Paul Chappell

   

***********************

by Charity, Southern Asia
Author of Heart-At Home Mom

When Daddy Played with Fire

He left.  He gave us plenty of notice. We knew it was coming. But there we stood, facing the reality that Daddy had to go on another trip. This one wouldn't be as long as the last one when he went to the village, but we miss him no matter how long it is he is away. It would only be for two nights this time, but our youngest child, Gabriel, was convinced Daddy would get lonely. Then Gabriel handed Daddy Fire. Fire is one of Gabriel's most treasured stuffed animals. Fire went on the trip with Daddy. Not only did Daddy not get lonely, Daddy came up with an idea that is sure to make his future trips an exciting adventure for those he leaves behind.

Fire sleeping in his bed at the hotel

Holidays: Thriving, Not Just Surviving (Part 1)

It was a simple mistake. A miscalculation. A wrong assumption. And it was my fault.

Homeschooling Children for Ministry Part Five

                              

Homeschooling Your Children in the Midst of a Loss
Homeschool years are never free from interruptions and problems, but the loss of a loved one can cause a huge setback in your children’s schooling if you are not careful. My family experienced such a loss last year when my mother passed away after her two year battle with cancer. These following tips are some things that we did to help us get through that difficult time.

 

Emphasize Heaven.
Heaven is as real to my family as Paris or Rome. While we have never been to those cities, we know that they exist. In the same way, when my mother passed away, my children talked about Heaven as if she had gone there on a trip. They still draw pictures of her in Heaven and talk about being excited to go see her someday. Their belief in Heaven is so vivid and strong that it has taken much of the edge off of the pain of losing their nana. I read aloud “Heaven for Kids” by Randy Alcorn with my kids a few months before my mom passed away. This book is a Scriptural account of Heaven that is comforting to both parents and their children and it answered a lot of the questions that my children had about death.

 

Reassure your children that someone will always care for them.

When a close family member passes away, a child can become insecure that they may lose their parents, too. It is both unwise and unrealistic to tell your children that you or your husband would never die. A better solution is to tell them that it is unlikely that you would die, but that you have a plan for them just in case. It is vital to prepare a will and select a guardian for your children. My kids know the guardian that we have prayerfully chosen for them, and they find this information comforting. A death in the family can cause anxiety in your children, but by being prepared for the worst, you can reassure them that they will always be cared for.

 

Be Honest.
Tell your children the truth about the situation, but do it in increments that they can digest and manage. The information that you give them needs to be appropriate for their ages. My husband and I told our children that my mom had cancer, and described what it was. Later, we explained that God heals some people from cancer, but other people pass away. Once it became inevitable that my mom only had a couple of months left, we told our children that Nana would go to Heaven soon. They could see for themselves that she was becoming worse, so they were able to accept the information. When a death happens suddenly, the circumstances will call for a different approach. In that case, you must use pray and rely on God’s wisdom to help you to have the right words to say. There is no easy way to lose a loved one, but you can prepare your children in advance by allowing death and Heaven to be a natural topic of conversation in your home.

Keep your homeschool routine.

The different stages of grief can be easier for you and your children if you keep a routine. Knowing that you have something to get up for each morning and then going through the motions will help occupy your mind and give reassuring structure to your children. It may be too overwhelming to teach difficult school subjects, but you can make slow and steady progress on the easier ones. We lived with my mom during her last two months, and I had the kids work on their school work almost every day. She enjoyed seeing them doing school, and it gave all of us something else to think about besides cancer. If you ignore your children’s school work, then not only will you feel terrible from the grief, but the weight of getting behind can add additional stress. Accomplishing tasks is therapeutic and also necessary for your family's sense of well-being.

 

Plan activities for your children.

You will have days when homeschooling will just not be an option. On those days, ask your husband, friends, or family to take your children out of the house for the day. You may need a day to stay in bed and cry, or you may have unpleasant errands to take care of. I was very blessed to have friends who took my children swimming and others who had them spend the weekend at their house. I knew that they were well cared for, and I could handle difficult tasks without them around. My children still talk about how glad they were to have those special times with their friends and how it helped them not to be too overwhelmed about losing their nana.

 

Make special memories now.

There are no guarantees as to how much time we may have with our loved ones. Create special memories as a part of everyday life. Make lasting physical mementos as well. My friend recommended recording a special message of my mom's voice and putting it into a Build-a-Bear. So, my mom made one for each of my children, and they treasure her voice telling them how much she loves them. She also made a storybook with a recording of her reading it. Make videos of your children's grandparents and special relatives. You will find that these reminders become even more special over the years. The important thing is to make them while you still have time!

Part One

Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

 

Homeschooling Children for Ministry Part Four

Homeschooling through a loss

This is not a typical post that you will see about homeschooling.  However, I know so many women who are dealing with the loss of loved ones recently that I felt led to write it.  My prayer is to give encouragement and some practical advice that will assist you in your grieving process. 
“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted” Matthew 5:4

I got the dreaded phone call just days before our family began deputation for Indonesia.  We had already packed up our home, said goodbye to my parents, and traveled across the country to our sending church in California.  After being gone only a month, my mom called to tell me that doctors had found a tumor on her brain and that they were doing surgery the following morning.  I flew back to Florida immediately and arrived twenty minutes before she went in to have surgery.  The doctors told us that my mother had six to fourteen months to live.  Both our lives changed that day.

Cancer has a funny way of allowing you to grieve in stages.  You can’t entirely grieve because the person is still there with you.  So you have to learn to live with your grief.  Putting life on hold is not an option.

Advice for the Mom

One of the most difficult seasons in any family is dealing with the loss of a loved one.  The grieving process can totally derail your homeschooling efforts for a period of time.  You do not have the option to send your children to capable teachers while you stay in bed and grieve.  If you are a homeschool mom, you must grieve in front of and with your children.  They become more involved in the process than a child who goes to school would, especially if you are caring for a loved one during their last days.  Here are some of the things that helped me and my family to get through this difficult time.

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.”  Matthew 6:34

1.   Purpose in your heart to live in the moment.

This practice helped me to get through each day and to experience seasons of joy in the midst of the storm.  When I spent time with my mom, we made the most of our day.  We did not think about cancer, but rather enjoyed each other’s company and made it our goal to make as many good memories for the kids as possible.  We hugged, went on walks, played, and took a trip to Hawaii.  Because of much prayer and my mom’s tenacity, she lived eight months longer than the predicted year, and had a high quality of life up until the last weeks.  We did not ignore the inevitable or avoid discussing difficult topics when necessary.  It was important for her to tell us where she wanted to be buried and that she was ready to go to Heaven.  Our focus during this time, however, was on life and not death.  Since her passing, I have grieved, but I try not to feel guilty if I have a good day. Time is very healing, too, but you must allow yourself to heal.

“Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:11-12

2.   Find others who have walked in your steps so that you do not feel alone.

After the initial shock that my mother had cancer wore off, the Lord brought into my life other women who had lost their moms or loved ones.  I needed to know that I would be able to go on and live a full life afterwards.  These women ministered to me through their own losses.  I still maintain a special bond with them because they helped me to get through that difficult time.  If you are facing the loss of someone special, please know that the pain eventually subsides and life does go on. Accept that as a gift from God.  It is ok to move on.  That is what your loved one would want you to do. (2 Samuel 12:16-23, Genesis 24:67,

Ruth 4:14-15)

“Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

3.   Allow people to minister to you.

Going through the death of a loved one should not be an isolated experience.  People want to step in and help during this time, and it is important that you allow them to do so.  It is not necessary to do everything on your own if you have someone who can do it for you.  I was very blessed with a church family and friends who reached out to me continually.  The most valuable service that they did for me was to take my children out and entertain them or watch them overnight.  Others brought over meals and offered to go grocery shopping.  Depending on your circumstances, someone may even be qualified to help you homeschool your kids for a short period of time.  Allow people to be a blessing to you, even if it is not in your nature to accept help or you do not feel like being bothered.  It will lighten your burden, and it will also allow them to express their grief in a tangible way.  Other people are mourning the loss of your loved one too, and this can give them an outlet in which to express it.

“Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the Lord, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.” 2 Samuel 12:20

4.   Take care of yourself physically.

Exercising, eating healthy and regular meals, fully dressing each morning, and getting enough sleep are some physical steps that you can take to keep you out of depression and give you the strength to perform your daily tasks.  While I was experiencing some of my most difficult grieving, we were visiting churches every week on deputation.  It was challenging to be at my best all the time.  Then, during my mom’s last two months, I stayed with her and became her nurse.  I needed physical and emotional endurance for both situations.  I made it my goal to walk or do some kind of physical activity every day.  Not only did it help me to stay strong, it also gave my body a physical release from the overwhelming stress.  While walking, I was able to cry and pray.  I always felt better afterwards.  In addition to exercise, I ate a balanced diet and limited my sugar intake.  I love sweets, but they can cause unnecessary mood swings, so I avoided them.  I put on nice clothes, fixed my hair, and applied makeup every day.  It helped me to feel better about myself, and I realized that it also encouraged those around me, including my mom.  I also became disciplined with my bedtime.  Typically a night owl, I made sure that I went to bed earlier and got 7-8 hours of sleep every night.  I took melatonin to help me sleep.  Melatonin is an herbal supplement, but I only recommend using it sparingly and for short durations.  It helped me to turn off my thoughts and get enough rest during the most challenging times.  By taking care of your physical needs, you will be better equipped to face the challenges of losing a loved one while still caring for your children and family.

“Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” Psalm 55:22

5.   Do not neglect your quiet time with God.

I have saved the most important yet most often neglected thing last. It should go without saying, but sometimes in the midst of grief it is easy to allow Bible reading and prayer time to go by the wayside.  This is absolutely the most important aspect to keeping a clear mind and staying encouraged.  Keep a prayer journal. Listen to encouraging sermons by your favorite pastor.  God is your main source of strength, encouragement, and comfort during the loss of a loved one.  Meet with Him every day so that He can administer His healing balm to your wounded heart. 

Losing a loved one is one of the most painful processes that we experience in life.  Next week, I will share how to help your children grieve and accept that loss.  Also, I will share tips of how to keep your school year going while taking time to cry.  My kids still miss their nana very much, but they have come through the experience of her passing without becoming fearful and with a greater yearning for Heaven.

 

Miss the other posts?

Part One

Part Two

Part Three
Part Five





 

 

 

Homeschooling Children for Ministry ~ Part Three

"There are perhaps no days of our childhood we lived so fully as those we spent with a favorite book." -Marcel Proust

When it comes to homeschooling, one of the main keys to developing children’s character and their desire for ministry is well-chosen books.  I am not referring to thick, dull textbooks or "cotton candy" novels.  I mean engaging, character building, can't-put-'em-down-'cause-they-are-so-good books.  These stories will captivate you and your children to the extent that you will accidentally let them stay up a half hour past bedtime because you did not notice the time.  Books so fascinating that your kids will beg you to continue reading even when their lunch is getting cold.  Or a plot that is so interesting you will want to read out loud to them even when you are exhausted after a hectic day.  A novel so compelling that your daughter will carry it around in her purse and you will discover her nose buried in it every time you turn around.  A particular story that will leave such an impact on her that for a week or two after she reads it, you can still detect a hint of an Elizabethan speech pattern in her conversation.  She will use phrases that are decades (or centuries) old, but they sound normal to her because she has gotten so involved in the conversations of the characters.  Familiar books can help your children adjust to living in a new country because their imaginary worlds have stayed the same.  My family lives in Indonesia now, but Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy moved here with my children.  There are also the books that make children want to do chores, care for animals, or show compassion to the beggar they see on the street because a character they are reading about does the same.  The books that depict a hero portraying honesty under extreme pressure or bravery in the face of danger are the same ones that build character in your children.  Reading biographies about successful missionaries give your children a reference point as to why their parents do what they have been called to do.  Through reading inspiring books, your children can develop into godly adults with character and purpose.

"Make it a rule never to give a child a book you would not read yourself." -George Bernard Shaw

What is the key to raising a reader?  Be a reader yourself.  One sneaky method that I found is to read a book in front of your child and let them observe you enjoying it.  Then, tell them the book is too mature for them.  Put it high on the bookshelf and make them wait a few months or a year before they can read it.  Finally, declare that they are old enough to understand, to not be frightened by, or to be able to handle whatever made the book a little too mature for them. With a flourish, hand over the book.  Be sure to warn them to let you know if the book is too difficult or scary.  From my experience, this book will be devoured immediately.  Of course, make sure that the book is enticing enough to deliver the promise that made it worth waiting for! 

Another important step in raising a reader is to save books with more challenging themes until they are old enough to fully appreciate them.  You can only read a book for the first time once.  Make sure that the timing is right!  If your child thinks that a book is too difficult or boring, let them put it to the side for a while.  I introduced my eldest daughter to The Hobbit a couple of years ago.  She did not like the book or the literature guide that went with it, so I gave her permission to put it away.  Just recently, the book came back out, and she read all three hundred pages in four days!  Next, she devoured The Lord of the Rings series because she enjoyed the storyline of the first book so much.  Timing is everything. 

"Children are made readers on the laps of their parents." -Emilie Buchwald

When my kids were little, I did not require them to read books outside of their schoolwork.  My two youngest children disliked reading in kindergarten and first grade.  It was difficult and confusing for them.  They enjoyed looking at picture books and listening to me read, so I read aloud to them and occasionally coaxed them to take turns reading with me.  I did not worry because we were working on phonics in school and they practiced their reading then.  Eventually both children developed the desire to read on their own, which accomplished my goal.  Once my daughter “cracked the code,” she discovered the imaginary world that a good book could bring.  With my son, it was peer pressure.  He was the only kid in his Sunday School class who could not read aloud.  Now he brings his children’s Bible to my bedroom and asks my husband to read with him every night.  He practices constantly because he wants to.  Human nature demonstrates that a child is much more likely to want to do something if the idea comes from within.  A child should be enticed into reading, not forced into it. 

"No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally - and often far more - worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond."  -C.S. Lewis

Searching for quality literature must be your goal. Read some of your older child’s literature books ahead of them so that you can discuss the topics afterwards.  If you find the book too distasteful to spend your time reading it, then question why you are requiring it of your child.  Use a book list that has been approved by others who share similar views as you. Books such as Honey for a Child’s Heart contain recommended lists for safe and high quality literature as well.  They also include short summaries of the books.  Do not let your child loose in a library or allow them to read a book by an author that you are unsure of. If in doubt, read it first.  Much harm can be done by a book written to entrap a child's mind.  One of your jobs as a parent is to be vigilant about what your child reads.  However, do not let this extra work deter you.  It is worth the effort to make sure that your children are reading quality literature. 

“What if I don’t like to read?” If this is your question, then you simply have not found the right books yet!  Keep trying.  If you do not have the time to read all of the books yourself, then enlist the help of family members or discerning people in your church who enjoy reading.  My mother used to preview books for my daughter when I was too busy.  The result of your diligent effort is a child with an active imagination, strong character, and a great work ethic.  There is no greater reward than that.

Sources

These are the sources that I personally use to help me find good books for my kids.  I have printed the lists out and carried them to bookstores, used book sales, thrift shops, and anywhere else I may find books.  Do not limit yourself to these sources…there are many other good helps out there.

Honey for a Child’s Heart – Gladys Hunt

Classical Christian Education Support Loop – 1000 Good Books List

http://www.classical-homeschooling.org/celoop/1000.html

Sonlight Homeschool Curriculum Book Lists

http://www.sonlight.com/readers.html

Classical Conversations Book Lists (I use this for seventh grade and above.  Go to the Classical Conversations Challenge section.  Next, look for the literature section under each level.  Here is the link for seventh grade, or Challenge A.) http://www.classicalconversationsbooks.com/chli.html

I cannot vouch for every book listed in these books lists, but these are the sources that I rely on to help me to choose age-appropriate, character-building literature for my children.  When in doubt, I always read them first.

Written by Kristine Lien,

missionary wife and homeschooling mom serving the Lord in Indonesia.

Part One

Part Two
Part Four
Part Five
 

Homeschooling Children for Ministry - Part Two

Setting Goals

Count the Cost

A Biblical principle that applies to any undertaking of great significance is counting the cost.  One way to do this in your homeschool journey is by establishing goals for your children’s education and developing a plan to achieve those goals.  At the outset, pray about what you want to accomplish academically and spiritually throughout their schooling, and then write down your ideas.  A Christian parent’s main priority is to rear their children according to Deuteronomy 6:5-7.  “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.  And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”  The first priority for you as a parent is teaching your children to love the Lord with all their hearts.  Academics come after that.  My personal goals for my children include having godly character, being an effective communicator both in speech and writing, having proficiency in math, and being well-read. Armed with goals, you can develop a plan that will keep you on track for the duration of your homeschooling years.

 

Long-Term Goals

From the beginning, I felt called to homeschool my children through high school.  This may vary for different families, but having this settled in my heart ahead of time has helped me to focus and to think long-term.  There is no wavering in my heart saying, "Can I do it?"  If God calls you to do it, He will equip you.  If there is a subject down the road that appears difficult to teach, then you can find a video, computer course, or a tutor who can teach it.  Do not allow fear to limit your planning.  One of my long-term goals is that my children attend a Christian college, so this has influenced my choices of curriculum for their high school years.  My kids have already visited and become familiar with some good Bible colleges and are excited about attending one of those schools.  My eldest is especially self-motivated because she plans to attend a specific college with her best friend.  A motivated child is very easy to homeschool.  Knowing what I expect of them has given my children a framework within which to establish their own goals and a target for which to strive.  You may experience a greater sense of purpose if you determine in your heart to homeschool through high school.  God may still open other doors of educational opportunities, but you will find that you will work harder if you teach your children with a long-range plan.

 

Goals for your children should not be set in stone.  Over the years I have observed the strengths and interests of my children take form, and I have adjusted my goals for them accordingly. A methodical, logical child will focus on different subjects in high school than his artistic sister.  Leave room for flexibility and God’s leading in your children’s lives.  As they get older, allow them to have more input into the classes that they want to take as well.  Instead of being driven by your goals, allow them to be guidelines that help map out an educational path.  For example, I began teaching my children Latin as part of our classical curriculum.  When we moved to Indonesia, however, it seemed to make much more sense to switch to studying bahasa Indonesia since that was the language that they needed to know in order to communicate.  I did not get caught up in my previous goal, but rather changed according to what would best serve my family.  Use goals as tools to help guide and not limit your choices.  

            

Annual Goals

In addition to long term goals, you may also make annual goals based on your children’s strengths and weaknesses. They can be both in the areas of character and academics.  For example, this year one of my goals for my seventh grader was for her to learn to speak and communicate in Indonesian. I wanted my fourth grader to learn the fundamentals of English grammar.  As for my second grader, he needed to get his reading up to grade level.  I am pleased with our progress on all of those points.  So, even though we did not finish our history curriculum for the year, I still feel as though we had a successful school year.  The goals I had set were part of a learning process and not a curriculum checklist.  Annual goals can help you to keep the big picture in mind.

 

In closing, I want to share Luke 14:28.  “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?”  As you set goals in homeschooling, you are essentially counting the cost.  What will the end result look like and how do you plan to achieve it?  Both long-term and annual goals can give you the confidence and direction that you need to have a successful homeschool.

 

Written by Kristine Lien,

missionary wife and homeschooling mom serving the Lord in Indonesia.

 

 

 

Part One
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five




 

 

 

 

Homeschooling Children for Ministry - Part One

Preparation for Ministry

Our family defines ministry as being the channel through which God meets the needs of others by His grace. When I homeschool my children, my purpose is to prepare them for ministry. The best way that I have found to do this for our family is by using Classical Christian Education. Classical Academic Press summarizes classical education as "a traditional approach to education that employs the historic curriculum and pedagogy of the seven liberal arts in order to cultivate students characterized by wisdom, virtue, and eloquence." (Emphasis mine)  These are my main goals for my children: to possess godly wisdom, to have excellent character, and to be able to effectively communicate Biblical truth. In essence, to be prepared for whatever ministry God may call them to in their future.

Not Just the Curriculum

After nine years of homeschooling, I have observed moms who successfully use a variety of curricula and educational philosophies, and their children have turned out well. I have also seen moms who have used classical education materials without good results. What makes the difference?  My conclusion is the effort and involvement put forth by the mom combined with children who are cooperative and willing to learn. Both of these aspects require a constant dependence on and submission to the Lord, and cannot be achieved outside of His divine help and guidance. Homeschooling is a continual process, and as you grow and gain wisdom through the Scriptures, your school methods will develop proportionately.

Labor of Love

Homeschooling is work. I am not referring to work such as writing lesson plans or grading papers. In order to truly inspire a child to love learning, effort is required. I am burdened for my children to have a high level of academics, yet I am even more passionate about their having godly character and a love for ministry. How is this accomplished? It is achieved by using a quality curriculum that includes great literature and by modeling Biblical character in addition to studying Scripture.  The teacher must interact as a participator and not just an instructor. Children's interest in a topic will rarely exceed that of their teacher's, so the bar must be set high by personal involvement from the homeschool parent. If I do not have that wide-eyed wonder of learning, how can I expect it from my children?  This type of homeschooling requires more energy and labor from the parent, but children who are inspired will delight in learning and will seek to please the Lord.

Results of Sacrifice

One of the toughest parts of educating children for ministry is the sacrifice involved.  My children have yet to participate on a soccer team or play little league. We plan to start extracurricular sports this year, but in the early years it was an extra that we chose to do without because it did not fit well into our homeschool and ministry schedule. At times I have given up personal hobbies for a season. I am an artist, and although I have not permanently given up drawing and painting, some of my artistic pursuits have had to be put on hold. I have said "no" to many things in my personal life in order to provide the best homeschool for my children. It has required constant denial of the flesh. The result, however, is having children who have a greater appreciation for those activities once they can participate in them, and who also have learned a balance in ministering to other people.

Next Time

In upcoming posts, I will transparently share with you more of my journey of preparing my children for ministry. I have homeschooled as a busy pastor's wife, during two years of deputation on the road, through the loss of a loved one to cancer, and during my first year on a foreign mission field.  I will write about the process of getting started with homeschooling, the main ingredient to a successful homeschool, and tips for homeschooling on the road.  I will also include a generous list of books that have helped me. Homeschooling my children to prepare them for ministry is the highest purpose to which God has called me, and I hope that what I share can be useful for your homeschool as well.

 

Written by Kristine Lien,

missionary wife and homeschooling mom serving the Lord in Indonesia.

By the way, it's also Kristine's birthday today (June 10),
so I know it would make her day if you would leave a comment wishing her a happy birthday!



Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five