Homeschool Room Tour

A few weeks ago we shared a tour of our homes.

Today, we're going to give a tour of our homeschool room (or space).

 

 

Homeschooling, in my opinion, is a privilege.  Children are a blessing from the Lord, and what an honor not only raise them, but also educate them. 

And just for fun...



 

I'm excited to take a peak into your school room.  Share photos of your kids doing school, your bookshelves, outdoor activities, etc. etc.!!

 

Seeking a Day of Rest

Ministry Mama, when is your day of rest?

Haha! Hoo-hoo! What a joke, you're probably thinking. DAY? Did you say DAY of rest?

The other day I read another missionary lady's Facebook post sharing her great discouragement in the ministry and desire to quit. In typical Facebook mode, I quickly shot back a response something like this: "Take some time to rest and refresh yourself in the Lord. Everything will look better after you've rested from ___ ministry."

Then I wondered at myself. I was giving advice that I rarely have applied personally.

I happen to be married to a turbo-charged Energizer Bunny. He loves to work and constantly introspects about laziness (this is a good thing! Laziness is a common sin of missionaries.) We have often had disagreements discussions in our married life about taking a "day off," what a "day off" constitutes, etc., until we got to the point where he has a generally scheduled self-appointed "day off" which he may use for "work" around the home or just to read a book or write or whatever. But he can't do "ministry" (if possible) on that day.

Our teammate is very similar to my husband (another good thing!) So after years of their wives asking them to slow down one day per week, our teammate asked me recently, "So when do you take a day off?"

That stumped me. How does a missionary housewife and mom take time off? Not even a day, but just a chunk of time?

We are busy with caring for our children, cooking, and housework.

We are doing that in foreign countries where everything takes more time.

On top of that, most of us homeschool our children. That deserves its own line.
Homeschooling is a full-time job.

We are doing all of the above + interruptions of nationals (depending on the culture you are serving).

We can't count shopping or running errands as time off. Often those days can be more stressful than staying home to homeschool the kids on a day with meltdowns (the kids', that is) and a head cold.

And Sunday does not count as a day off. For many missionary women, Sunday can be the most draining work day of the week. You have to think and teach the most important Book in the world in another language. There is no nursery, so you still have to care for your children, (fish those pacifiers out of the dirt, take the toddlers to the outhouse--don't TOUCH anything!, is my 7-year old climbing that fig tree??), and on top of that you are usually the children's Sunday School teacher, "bus ministry" helper for all those kids whose parents don't attend, choir director, cook, sweeper, whatever. After church, you may host church members or visitors for a meal at your house.

Compound all of the above with a personality that tends towards being introverted or spiritual gifting that may not be service or teaching.

Add on a slow spiritual drain because:

• you don't fully hear sermons for years on end because it's in another language or you are busy keeping little ones quietly occupied
• you are not having meaningful quiet time at home (because of distractions)
• and you are constantly giving spiritually--you are sharpening, but no one is sharpening you; you are probably the strongest example of Christianity around.

Well...by now, anyone who is not a missionary mama of many (MMM) is officially categorizing this post as a complaining rant. That's not my point. Up till now I've just been answering potential objections by other MMMs who may smirk at me for bringing up the "day off" topic. I know that there's really no time for a day off. I myself haven't figured out what exactly to do about it.

The Creation of the Sun by Michelangelo

But God took a day off. Jesus went off by Himself to pray and be with His heavenly Father. Whatever your view of the "sabbath" or the Lord's Day, we can still appeal to God's example from the beginning of creation that we were made to rest once in a while. So we need to figure out how we can find time to rest and refresh ourselves in the Lord.

If you've ever been put on bedrest, especially with other small children already under foot, you know that when forced to, an amazing amount of important work or ministries can be put on hold. God does not need a frantic, frazzled Martha counting the half-hour slots in her day to see where she could possibly fit in that new ministry that needs to be done. God prizes the meek and quiet spirit that Mary showed, taking time to sit at Jesus' feet and learn of Him who is meek and lowly in heart. His burden is light.

I have read several blog posts by homeschooling mothers who speak of scheduling breaks or rest times for mama so that she doesn't get burned out. How much more should those thoughts apply to missionary mamas?

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

So missionary mama, please share your thoughts. How have you made time to rest? Do you take a chunk of time daily--maybe two hours each afternoon to nap, read a book, or read your Bible? My friend listens to sermons in her spare time, especially while working in the kitchen. When do you find time to hear another preacher's thoughts in English? Do you take a day off or two afternoons per week, maybe Saturday and Sunday? I realize you still have to cook and maybe do a load of laundry or two, but when do you find time to re-energize personally?

I do think it's important for our longevity in homeschooling and ministry. And if something is important, we prioritize it. So back to my question: how have YOU done this?

Lifting Christ Up--Down Under

I thought it would be so interesting for us to have some in-real-life missionaries answer those "Good Questions to Ask Missionaries" that I posted here a while ago. That way, you can compare fields a little bit and understand what missions ministry looks like all over the world. What difficulties are specific to a certain continent or culture? Perhaps you can apply this information to pray for other missionaries in a similar field to the lady being interviewed.


Today, meet Jennifer Bauer, the mastermind here at the BMW blog. She blogs about life in Australia at her personal blog Be Thou Exalted. If you haven't gotten enough of our awesome critter stories around here, you would be really interested in the kinds of critters a missionary to Australia has to deal with: The Critters and Creatures in My House.

1. How many children do you have? What ages?

Autumn (11) and Cody (6) 

2. Do you homeschool? Name your favorite curriculum that you use (whether just one subject, or an all-in-one):

We do homeschool.  Currently we use ACE. (Here is why I chose ACE for this school year.) But we have used Abeka, Apologia, Rod and Staff, and a mixture of others. 

3. Country of service:  Australia

4. How long have you been there?  2 years, 8 months

5. What do you do there?

Currently my husband is interim pastor for a small church, but we were called here to work with the Indigenous People.  So when the new pastor arrives in two weeks, we will be going full-on with our new ministry with the Indigenous (Aboriginals). 

6. Are you learning a language? How is it going? Are you discouraged?

We are planning to learn Kriol, which is the Indigenous language spoken in our area.  Most of the Indigenous speak English, but we feel it’s important and respectful to learn their language.

7. Success: Have you had any encouragement in ministry recently? Can you tell me two or three things that have encouraged you?

We have had many open doors to go and have church services in the communities.  One cannot just walk onto a community, you must be invited.  My husband has had many invitations the past few weeks, and we can see the Lord making the way for us.  We’re so excited!  I also have my youngest brother visiting for 3 months.  This has been a huge encouragement for me.

8. Challenges: What is your greatest challenge in ministry? What other difficulties wear you down?

Although we are quite remote, we still have a stocked grocery store, wifi, and even a small Target, so in regards to location we are blessed not to have too many challenges.  I think our greatest challenge in ministry will be reaching the Indigenous men.  Alcohol (grog as they call it here) is a major detriment and a common past time for the men. 

9. How is your life similar to life in America?

There are many similarities to America.  Although we don’t have some of our favourites (Lucky Charms, Captain Crunch, Cracker Barrel, etc.) we do have the modern conveniences (indoor plumbing, wifi, McDonalds, Subway, grocery store 2 minutes away, etc.)

10. What are some special benefits you or your family experience from where you’re ministering? (or from being missionaries)

To be able to share the Gospel with someone who has never heard of Christ is just an amazing privilege.

11. What are some positives and negatives of your culture (that you’re ministering to)?

I’m speaking more of the Australian culture rather than Aboriginal culture here.  The positives is the freedom of religion, a very relaxed, laid back attitude among the people (no one is ever on time!), and the welcoming of Americans (for the most part, there are a few Aussies who prefer the Yanks stay home J ).  Negative – hmmm…it’s hard to think of any, but if I had to say one thing, I guess it would be the amount of alcohol that is consumed here by the Indigenous and the white fellow.

12. What sins might a missionary be especially tempted with that another Christian in the U.S. might not?

Not sure how to answer this one.  The only thing I can think of is that nudity can be shown on tv here after a certain time.  As well as any kind of language.

13. What books have you been reading? Do you have any book recommendations?

I am currently reading Growing Up Duggar.  I definitely recommend!  My favourite missionary books are Evidence Not Seen by Darlene Diebler Rose and Jungle Pilot by Russell Hitt.

14. How can we pray for your people or culture in a general way?

Please pray for us as we begin this new phase in our ministry in working with the Indigenous People.  Please pray that we are sensitive to the Lord’s leading and to the people we are called to witness to. 

15. How can we pray for your family specifically?

That we will continue to grow closer to the Lord, for His safety and protection while travelling to communities, and as a selfish request, that we will be able to take a short furlough home for 6 weeks to be with our family during Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Reaching the Unreached in South Asia

I thought it would be so interesting for us to have some in-real-life missionaries answer those "Good Questions to Ask Missionaries" that I posted here a while ago. That way, you can compare fields a little bit and understand what missions ministry looks like all over the world. What difficulties are specific to a certain continent or culture? Perhaps you can apply this information to pray for other missionaries in a similar field to the lady being interviewed.


Today, meet Charity Woon, a fun, thought-provoking contributor here at the BMW blog. She blogs about everything from adventures on the field to homeschooling tips to personal devotions at her personal blog Road Schooling...Our Life on the Road of Life. If you'd like a good gross-you-out story, you might enjoy reading Meat Shop Adventure; or if you'd like to have your heart stirred for evangelism, read her post about heroes of faith across the world, We Will Not Fight Back.

1. How many children do you have? What ages?

We are a family of seven. My husband's name is Jason, and my name is Charity. We have three crazy, adventurous, fun children: Ben (15), Michaela (10), and Gabriel (7). Then there are our two dogs, Chief and MoMo. (Got to love the furry babies, too! They keep us safe from rats, snakes, and robbers.)

2. Do you homeschool? Name your favorite curriculum that you use (whether just one subject, or an all-in-one):

We are very eclectic in our homeschooling style. We try to make the schooling experience fit each child the best we can. It is a little tougher on the field, though, so I have to say Landmark Freedom Baptist is my favorite "go-to" curriculum. Landmark Freedom Baptist Curriculum

3. Country of service: Southern Asia

4. How long have you been there? 19 months

5. What do you do there?

We are church planters seeking a location for our first church, but in the mean time, I play the piano for a young church plant, and I practice Titus 2 any opportunity I get. Right now my role is more of hospitality, motherhood, and mentorship, doing my best to demonstrate Biblical marriage and motherhood to first generation Christians who are hungry to learn how to parent God's way. 

6. Are you learning a language? How is it going? Are you discouraged?

Language? Um... It's coming slowly, but surely! I am not discouraged at all. Some days are better than others, but every day is one day closer to communicating clearly what God has put in my heart

7. Success: Have you had any encouragement in ministry recently? Can you tell me two or three things that have encouraged you?

I... am... growing... strawberries! That may not be encouraging to you, but for the garden-challenged person like me, it is HUGE! Why? Our garden has opened up many opportunities to meet and talk to people. The more it succeeds, the more opportunities we have.

We recently went to visit my husband's language school instructor and his wife. We were there four hours and I was actually able to hold a pretty good conversation with them. Definitely encouraging!

It is a blessing to be forming deep friendships with nationals. God has also supplied a national man to work with my husband in planting a church.

8. Challenges: What is your greatest challenge in ministry? What other difficulties wear you down?

On this field, there are plenty of things to potentially cause stress, but there is one thing that brings me literally to tears on occasion. Driving! The roads are very dangerous here. Even the most cautious drivers have accidents. The rule "look both ways before crossing" doesn't exist here for drivers, pedestrians, animals, and more. I thought maybe most third world countries were this bad, until a few very well-traveled people told us these roads were far beyond what they had experienced in other third world countries. Every time we arrive home safely it is a clear demonstration of the grace of God.  Driving my little scooter here with two young children in tow has improved my prayer life dramatically, though.

As far as general ministry challenges? Many fields struggle with some of the same issues we have. The people here do not know anything about Jesus or what a Bible is, so we have to start from the beginning... literally Genesis 1:1! It takes quite a while to share the Gospel clearly. Then when they do understand, they face the fear of real persecution (losing home, family, friends, job, etc.) Many women will not go against their husband's commands if he forbids her to become a Christian.

9. How is your life similar to life in America?

Our schooling is very similar. Our bedding style is the same. At home, our eating is very similar though the preparation is much more involved. We still have family nights. Shopping? Totally different! Cleaning? Different. Entertainment? Different. Clothing? Sometimes similar. Housing? Different for the most part. There are many more differences than similarities.

10. What are some special benefits you or your family experience from where you’re ministering? (or from being missionaries)

God has helped us all grow spiritually by putting us in a place where what is in our hearts is forced to come out. I truly believe God did not put us here because we have something special to offer. He put us here because this is where He can make us most like Christ. Thankfully, while we are here He is choosing to use us for His glory.

11. What are some positives and negatives of your culture (that you’re ministering to)?

Positives: The women here work harder than my American mind can even comprehend. I have also seen people who were willing to become Christians even when they knew they would lose a home, family, and more. With the exception of driving, the people here live a less time-oriented life. The people here know how to survive on next to nothing.

Negatives: Much of their culture/government/education system is permeated with their religion. In much of the culture there is a lack of respect for the sanctity of human life. It is heartbreaking to see such intense child abuse or neglect and not be able to legally do anything about it. It is a "me first" culture, and yet they can be some of the most generous people. Lying and stealing are a part of their culture and is often seen as acceptable. The caste system exists here.

12. What sins might a missionary be especially tempted with that another Christian in the U.S. might not?

Honestly, being here has revealed some ugly things in my heart that in the States I would have never realized were there. In the States, I never struggled with "road rage." I assumed it just wasn't a problem for me. God has put me in the right hot water situations here, and what's in the heart has come out! I am thankful for His patience with me! Another temptation I battle? Being critical of people in America who complain about power outages, three days of rain in a row, or having a long drive to church. Those problems are a way of life here. But being critical is no less of a sin than complaining.

13. What books have you been reading? Do you have any book recommendations?

I am currently reading Don't Let the Goats Eat the Loquat Trees by Thomas Hale. Love it! Though he was a medical missionary, I can truly identify with so many things he faced. I just finished The Choice is Yours by Terrie Chappell. It was a great "refocusing" book. I treasure her other book, It's a Wonderful Life.

14. How can we pray for your people or culture in a general way?

We desire that this country would continue to head in the direction of freedom. It has only been in recent years that it became legal for the people to become Christian, but it is still illegal to influence them in that direction. Christians are still persecuted. Also, the country needs political stability. The situation gets pretty ugly during elections.

15. How can we pray for your family specifically?

We are about to enter a new phase of life. Our oldest child has two more years of school before he will go to Bible college in the States. I am not sure this Mommy will be ready for that, but I am trusting God's grace is sufficient. Just as He gives saving grace and dying grace, I am sure He will give "child-going-to-college-10,000-miles-away" grace. In the mean time, we desire prayers in our preparation for him to finish high school. We also desire God's direction in ministry as we prepare to plant a new church. Finally... visa renewal is due! We are hoping to get one-year visas this time. 

Wednesday's Wonderings...

Please Share some tips on how to make Homeschooling on the Field enjoyable for your children.

Wednesday's Wonderings...

How do you balance your ministry responsibilities along with homeschooling?  How do you handle visits, etc... during the school day?

A Story of Shipments

It was funny—while we were in the States on furlough this last summer, there were two occasions in which we happened to be with two other missionary families. It wasn’t planned, just happened. And on both occasions while I was passing the other two ladies in conversation, I heard them discussing shipments!

“Are you using a container?”

“How are you shipping your things?”

Apparently this is one of the first things on missionary women’s minds.

This is what you would find me doing for a few weeks in America!

We have made four shipments now. Seth shipped his things as a single man, and then we shipped my things when we got married. We made another shipment after our first furlough with a toddler, and now again after our second furlough. Each time, there have been different needs—Seth’s, mine, babies' items and things I didn’t know to bring when married since I’d never been here for a visit, and this final shipment was a lot of clothing and materials for homeschooling. So each shipment would look different for us.

If we had come over with our family right from the beginning, we might have shipped a “container.” But every time we have shipped, we have done it in a smaller way, using a crate. I recently heard of a possible way to take it all on the plane with you; but up until now, because of airline restrictions, we have shipped a crate.

The first time Seth shipped (#1), there was confusion, adventure, and eventually clarification. He didn’t know that you need a company not just to ship your items, but also to receive them and get them through customs. The next time we shipped after we got married (#2), the shipment was several weeks late, and some of our things were damaged or stolen. They blamed it on Hurricane Katrina. It was nerve-wracking. The last time (#3), I can’t remember any big problems. And this final time (#4), we were so relieved to get our shipment only a couple of weeks late, with everything in tact.

Storage tubs in my parents' garage waiting to be shipped.

The summer before our furlough, I discovered homeschooling forums on the web, and all of their accompanying “for sale” sites. The “used” prices allowed me to buy so many more great books and curriculum for my kids than if I had purchased new or off of Amazon. My parents were kind enough to receive boxes after packages after envelopes of homeschool curriculum and books for the kids. They stored them in their home for almost a year until we shipped them over here! I also frequented thrift stores and garage sales in almost any town where we stayed for more than a day all over America, and I had the chance to go to two big library sales while on furlough. It was so fun to take advantage of America's sales! People were so kind to take me shopping, and some even donated books to our stash.

We don’t have a TV, and we really want our children to love reading and learning. Probably most missionaries wouldn’t ship as many books as we did this past shipment, but that was an area that we had decided was important to us.

Seth and I also love books! So probably more than half of our shipment was books. The rest of the shipment was clothing and shoes for the kids, church materials, some kitchen equipment (I got a Kitchen Aid! :)), and home décor.

It was a very weighty shipment! Thankfully, when you ship a crate, it is the size that matters for the bill, not the weight. So we sent most of the weighty books in the crate, and clothing on the plane. But that also presented a problem for Seth when he needed to pick up the shipment and bring it back here. Shipment #2, they drove a truck right to our door. Shipment #3, Seth went to Johannesburg to pick up the things, but they fit in our truck. This shipment exceeded our truck. Seth borrowed a trailer from a friend, but we were concerned about our old truck having trouble pulling the load.

Some of the bins were taken off before I thought to take a picture.

Another small drama came up when the shipment arrived in port in Durban. The receiving company told us to put our signature on a couple of forms to get it through customs. But one of the forms required our signatured promise that we had not shipped any “vegetable matter” or stuff from bees. Unfortunately, we had! We shipped a huge tub of coconut oil, and two boxes of beeswax. Our hope was to use it as a church to make homemade lip balm to sell to make money for our church building.

When Seth contacted the clearing agent to discuss the form, the agent advised him to lie. “Just don’t read the forms, sign the papers, and send it back.” If we admitted that we had those items in our shipment, it might hold up our getting the items for weeks as the customs officials would probably search our entire shipment (a scary thought as far as keeping the items in tact! :(), and they might confiscate the oil and beeswax, as well as anything else they might want! Can you tell I struggle with trusting government officials over here? There is so much corruption.

Now those three items sitting in obvious view on the top of our pallet of materials were compromising our shipment! And we had bought and added them to our shipment on the very last day we actually shipped it. It was a last minute decision, and I felt terrible about it on this end. “We shouldn’t have done it!” I worried. I had had no idea that those wouldn’t be accepted in the country.

No matter your philosophy on lying and whether it is acceptable in war or to save life or whatever, I don’t think this situation fits. We couldn’t justify lying in this situation. I am so thankful that Seth didn’t lie, tempting as it was. He checked the two boxes, signed his name, and sent the form back. Later that day, the agent informed us that our shipment had been cleared, with no further problems! Oh we were so thankful that we had done the right thing! God blessed Seth for his truthfulness. And even if we had experienced problems, it still would have been right to tell the truth. God hates lying—much more than we would have hated losing our things!

Seth took a day and a half to visit church members in Johannesburg and returned with our things Thursday evening. (He also managed to make a plan to repair our piano!) He took a young man from our church with him to help keep him awake and to visit the other church members. They had so many valuable discussions together! Maybe I’ll share some of those lessons later…

The young man who went on the trip with Seth!

Everything worked out beautifully:

• The truck had no breakdowns.
• The shipment wasn’t too heavy for the trailer.
• Seth didn’t fall asleep while driving. (This was a definite concern!)
• Visits with church members went wonderfully.
• Our things got through customs and arrived to us in good condition.
• And we even got the piano down there to be repaired!

We took time, like Noah, to thank God afterwards for bringing us safely over the sea. It is so good to have so many comforts with us here.

Homeschooling Children for Ministry Part Five

                              

Homeschooling Your Children in the Midst of a Loss
Homeschool years are never free from interruptions and problems, but the loss of a loved one can cause a huge setback in your children’s schooling if you are not careful. My family experienced such a loss last year when my mother passed away after her two year battle with cancer. These following tips are some things that we did to help us get through that difficult time.

 

Emphasize Heaven.
Heaven is as real to my family as Paris or Rome. While we have never been to those cities, we know that they exist. In the same way, when my mother passed away, my children talked about Heaven as if she had gone there on a trip. They still draw pictures of her in Heaven and talk about being excited to go see her someday. Their belief in Heaven is so vivid and strong that it has taken much of the edge off of the pain of losing their nana. I read aloud “Heaven for Kids” by Randy Alcorn with my kids a few months before my mom passed away. This book is a Scriptural account of Heaven that is comforting to both parents and their children and it answered a lot of the questions that my children had about death.

 

Reassure your children that someone will always care for them.

When a close family member passes away, a child can become insecure that they may lose their parents, too. It is both unwise and unrealistic to tell your children that you or your husband would never die. A better solution is to tell them that it is unlikely that you would die, but that you have a plan for them just in case. It is vital to prepare a will and select a guardian for your children. My kids know the guardian that we have prayerfully chosen for them, and they find this information comforting. A death in the family can cause anxiety in your children, but by being prepared for the worst, you can reassure them that they will always be cared for.

 

Be Honest.
Tell your children the truth about the situation, but do it in increments that they can digest and manage. The information that you give them needs to be appropriate for their ages. My husband and I told our children that my mom had cancer, and described what it was. Later, we explained that God heals some people from cancer, but other people pass away. Once it became inevitable that my mom only had a couple of months left, we told our children that Nana would go to Heaven soon. They could see for themselves that she was becoming worse, so they were able to accept the information. When a death happens suddenly, the circumstances will call for a different approach. In that case, you must use pray and rely on God’s wisdom to help you to have the right words to say. There is no easy way to lose a loved one, but you can prepare your children in advance by allowing death and Heaven to be a natural topic of conversation in your home.

Keep your homeschool routine.

The different stages of grief can be easier for you and your children if you keep a routine. Knowing that you have something to get up for each morning and then going through the motions will help occupy your mind and give reassuring structure to your children. It may be too overwhelming to teach difficult school subjects, but you can make slow and steady progress on the easier ones. We lived with my mom during her last two months, and I had the kids work on their school work almost every day. She enjoyed seeing them doing school, and it gave all of us something else to think about besides cancer. If you ignore your children’s school work, then not only will you feel terrible from the grief, but the weight of getting behind can add additional stress. Accomplishing tasks is therapeutic and also necessary for your family's sense of well-being.

 

Plan activities for your children.

You will have days when homeschooling will just not be an option. On those days, ask your husband, friends, or family to take your children out of the house for the day. You may need a day to stay in bed and cry, or you may have unpleasant errands to take care of. I was very blessed to have friends who took my children swimming and others who had them spend the weekend at their house. I knew that they were well cared for, and I could handle difficult tasks without them around. My children still talk about how glad they were to have those special times with their friends and how it helped them not to be too overwhelmed about losing their nana.

 

Make special memories now.

There are no guarantees as to how much time we may have with our loved ones. Create special memories as a part of everyday life. Make lasting physical mementos as well. My friend recommended recording a special message of my mom's voice and putting it into a Build-a-Bear. So, my mom made one for each of my children, and they treasure her voice telling them how much she loves them. She also made a storybook with a recording of her reading it. Make videos of your children's grandparents and special relatives. You will find that these reminders become even more special over the years. The important thing is to make them while you still have time!

Part One

Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

 

Homeschooling Children for Ministry Part Four

Homeschooling through a loss

This is not a typical post that you will see about homeschooling.  However, I know so many women who are dealing with the loss of loved ones recently that I felt led to write it.  My prayer is to give encouragement and some practical advice that will assist you in your grieving process. 
“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted” Matthew 5:4

I got the dreaded phone call just days before our family began deputation for Indonesia.  We had already packed up our home, said goodbye to my parents, and traveled across the country to our sending church in California.  After being gone only a month, my mom called to tell me that doctors had found a tumor on her brain and that they were doing surgery the following morning.  I flew back to Florida immediately and arrived twenty minutes before she went in to have surgery.  The doctors told us that my mother had six to fourteen months to live.  Both our lives changed that day.

Cancer has a funny way of allowing you to grieve in stages.  You can’t entirely grieve because the person is still there with you.  So you have to learn to live with your grief.  Putting life on hold is not an option.

Advice for the Mom

One of the most difficult seasons in any family is dealing with the loss of a loved one.  The grieving process can totally derail your homeschooling efforts for a period of time.  You do not have the option to send your children to capable teachers while you stay in bed and grieve.  If you are a homeschool mom, you must grieve in front of and with your children.  They become more involved in the process than a child who goes to school would, especially if you are caring for a loved one during their last days.  Here are some of the things that helped me and my family to get through this difficult time.

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.”  Matthew 6:34

1.   Purpose in your heart to live in the moment.

This practice helped me to get through each day and to experience seasons of joy in the midst of the storm.  When I spent time with my mom, we made the most of our day.  We did not think about cancer, but rather enjoyed each other’s company and made it our goal to make as many good memories for the kids as possible.  We hugged, went on walks, played, and took a trip to Hawaii.  Because of much prayer and my mom’s tenacity, she lived eight months longer than the predicted year, and had a high quality of life up until the last weeks.  We did not ignore the inevitable or avoid discussing difficult topics when necessary.  It was important for her to tell us where she wanted to be buried and that she was ready to go to Heaven.  Our focus during this time, however, was on life and not death.  Since her passing, I have grieved, but I try not to feel guilty if I have a good day. Time is very healing, too, but you must allow yourself to heal.

“Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:11-12

2.   Find others who have walked in your steps so that you do not feel alone.

After the initial shock that my mother had cancer wore off, the Lord brought into my life other women who had lost their moms or loved ones.  I needed to know that I would be able to go on and live a full life afterwards.  These women ministered to me through their own losses.  I still maintain a special bond with them because they helped me to get through that difficult time.  If you are facing the loss of someone special, please know that the pain eventually subsides and life does go on. Accept that as a gift from God.  It is ok to move on.  That is what your loved one would want you to do. (2 Samuel 12:16-23, Genesis 24:67,

Ruth 4:14-15)

“Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

3.   Allow people to minister to you.

Going through the death of a loved one should not be an isolated experience.  People want to step in and help during this time, and it is important that you allow them to do so.  It is not necessary to do everything on your own if you have someone who can do it for you.  I was very blessed with a church family and friends who reached out to me continually.  The most valuable service that they did for me was to take my children out and entertain them or watch them overnight.  Others brought over meals and offered to go grocery shopping.  Depending on your circumstances, someone may even be qualified to help you homeschool your kids for a short period of time.  Allow people to be a blessing to you, even if it is not in your nature to accept help or you do not feel like being bothered.  It will lighten your burden, and it will also allow them to express their grief in a tangible way.  Other people are mourning the loss of your loved one too, and this can give them an outlet in which to express it.

“Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the Lord, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.” 2 Samuel 12:20

4.   Take care of yourself physically.

Exercising, eating healthy and regular meals, fully dressing each morning, and getting enough sleep are some physical steps that you can take to keep you out of depression and give you the strength to perform your daily tasks.  While I was experiencing some of my most difficult grieving, we were visiting churches every week on deputation.  It was challenging to be at my best all the time.  Then, during my mom’s last two months, I stayed with her and became her nurse.  I needed physical and emotional endurance for both situations.  I made it my goal to walk or do some kind of physical activity every day.  Not only did it help me to stay strong, it also gave my body a physical release from the overwhelming stress.  While walking, I was able to cry and pray.  I always felt better afterwards.  In addition to exercise, I ate a balanced diet and limited my sugar intake.  I love sweets, but they can cause unnecessary mood swings, so I avoided them.  I put on nice clothes, fixed my hair, and applied makeup every day.  It helped me to feel better about myself, and I realized that it also encouraged those around me, including my mom.  I also became disciplined with my bedtime.  Typically a night owl, I made sure that I went to bed earlier and got 7-8 hours of sleep every night.  I took melatonin to help me sleep.  Melatonin is an herbal supplement, but I only recommend using it sparingly and for short durations.  It helped me to turn off my thoughts and get enough rest during the most challenging times.  By taking care of your physical needs, you will be better equipped to face the challenges of losing a loved one while still caring for your children and family.

“Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” Psalm 55:22

5.   Do not neglect your quiet time with God.

I have saved the most important yet most often neglected thing last. It should go without saying, but sometimes in the midst of grief it is easy to allow Bible reading and prayer time to go by the wayside.  This is absolutely the most important aspect to keeping a clear mind and staying encouraged.  Keep a prayer journal. Listen to encouraging sermons by your favorite pastor.  God is your main source of strength, encouragement, and comfort during the loss of a loved one.  Meet with Him every day so that He can administer His healing balm to your wounded heart. 

Losing a loved one is one of the most painful processes that we experience in life.  Next week, I will share how to help your children grieve and accept that loss.  Also, I will share tips of how to keep your school year going while taking time to cry.  My kids still miss their nana very much, but they have come through the experience of her passing without becoming fearful and with a greater yearning for Heaven.

 

Miss the other posts?

Part One

Part Two

Part Three
Part Five