The Grass Is Greener on the Other Side of the Ocean

We all tend to think that everyone else has it easier and better than we have. We've noticed this sentiment in some of our church members.

• One young man says he wants to start a church (a noble idea), but not here in the village. He's going to plant a church in __ (some village near a city several hours away--that doesn't speak his mother tongue.) Why not a village closer to home that speaks Tsonga? Because there's such a need there, or it would just be better in some way.
• Another young man decides to take a similar job with similar pay (to the current one) in another city. Why not stay close to his family, his village, and his home church? Oh, that job will be better somehow.
• Another young man says that an internship with a church in the city will better prepare him for rural ministry than the local Bible college started specifically to prepare men for rural ministry. Why? The city has so many more attractions, including preaching in English, etc.
• Young ladies think that getting a cleaning job in the city would be better than staying home and mothering their children.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Change and newness help to make a different position seem better, and sometimes there is some truth to that. Sometimes the other situation genuinely is better.

I remember going back to America for a quick visit in 2011 during America's summertime. The grass was so green, the flowers so colorful! I kept exclaiming, "It's so beautiful! It's so beautiful!" Africa has a beauty of its own, but it is rugged, wild, and untamed; in the parts filled with bush grass and thorny overgrowth, you really have to search for the beauty.

Searching for a bird's nest

Beauty in thorns

This temptation comes often to missionaries. Perhaps it comes to everyone in the ministry, but I can only speak for the missionary. I got to thinking about this because of a recent Facebook discussion in which a BMW asked whether being a missionary wife was essentially the same thing as being a pastor's wife (just in a different field--which obviously makes it totally different! But you get the idea of the question.)

Most BMW responders quickly and confidently pointed out the extra difficulties a missionary wife faces in ministry that a pastor's wife in America wouldn't. But one BMW noted that ministry was actually easier for her in many respects as a missionary wife than it had been as a pastor's wife. She mentioned the squabbles, criticisms, and cliques that she experienced in her American ministry; in contrast to the complete acceptance and love she experienced from the nationals in her host country.

In a difficult or disappointing stretch in ministry, which may occur more frequently than the encouraging times, a missionary may hear of friends ministering in America and think about how easy their ministry would be if they were there. If only I were there, my church would be bigger, better, more like Christ! I would be more appreciated, more respected, and the flock would actually follow my (husband's) advice. We wouldn't have to deal with all this ___ (immorality, apathy, drunkenness, laziness, etc.)

Missionaries can also fall into the foolish trap of comparing fields. If only we were in Missionary Z's field, our ministry would be more successful. They have it much easier because of... It is so much harder to serve here due to the burned-over territory from the prosperity gospel, or the idolatry, or the animism, or the atheism, or whatever, than it would be to serve in their country.

But remember that you don't have the whole picture! Perhaps they also wish to trade places because of their own silent trials.

Yes, some of that thinking may be valid, fair, and true. A few missionaries have shown no qualms in saying they "could never do what you do." I even included a question on this topic on my get-to-know-ya missionary questionnaire for the BMW blog: what makes your field difficult? (Because we all think that our field is the hardest for some reason, and some of those reasons are legitimate.)

But it's not good; it's not lovely; it's not of good report; it's not praise. 



As Thanksgiving and Christmas approach--holidays when many missionaries, especially newbies, are homesick, this grass-is-greener syndrome may pop up. But let's just call it what it is. It's discontent. It's a failure to praise God "in everything." It is bitterness against God for putting you in a place so removed from the comforts of home and then apparently not making you successful there. It's pride, because you compare your successes and failures with another's and can only be content with your situation if you look the best at the end of the comparison.

The grass may truly be greener on the other side of the ocean. And yet it may not. But that's not where you are. And you are commanded to think on praiseworthy things and to praise God in everything--where you are.


 

How to Be a Successful Lady Missionary

Photo by: mapichai

My husband and I have been missionaries over thirty years now. We’ve seen many missionaries come and go—some of them gone for good. (Sometimes, of course, there are extenuating circumstances: sickness, needing to care for aging parents, non-adequate financial support, obeying their mission board, and even God leading them to a different field.) Many times, though, the most important determinant of success or failure on the field is the missionary wife.

Many missionary women—including single missionaries, here—are amazingly effective partners in ministry.

Characteristics of successful missionary women:

1. They love God with all of their heart, soul, and being. This is evidenced in their consistent communion with Him through prayer, Bible reading, and Bible study. They are women of the Word.

2. They (if married) have a happy, stable marriage and would follow their husbands to the end of the earth—literally.

3. They have a positive mental outlook. This means they look for the best in the people, country, culture, and surroundings.

4. They are willing to learn and have open minds to other ways of thinking and doing. They are able to adapt to the culture, food, and people around them—and actually enjoy their “different” life.

5. They desire to befriend other women. They look for ways to build “bridges” to the women around them—connections with the native ladies.

6. They actually love the native people and communicate that love.

7. They (if married) view their ministry as a family ministry. They are their husband’s best cheerleader and involve the children along with Mom and Dad in reaching the lost.

8. They are assets, examples, and helpers.

9. They find their personal fulfillment in being part of a team (family, ministry team, church, Christian school).

10. They don’t view personal setbacks as fatal blows (sickness, criticisms, hiccups in the work, persecutions, trials, etc.). They’ve learned to go to the Lord with every disappointment and to find their joy in Him. Their private pity parties don’t last very long.

11. They value simple pleasures: flowers, walking, sunsets, baking a birthday cake, photography, a cup of coffee, smiles, reading a good book. They don’t need things in order to be happy.

12. They have a healthy sense of humor. Laughter has a way of lightening everything. When missionary ladies can laugh at themselves and at their hilarious predicaments, they will survive.

13. They understand that God’s purpose might look different for each person, and they steer away from competing with other missionaries. Long ago, a missionary in a successful missionary team visited our home. We were in the kitchen, and I asked her what it was like to minister in a team. She answered, “We recognize each other’s gifts and try to let each person fulfill the role God designed for him.”

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Many women feel inadequate but aren’t. They think they need to be linguists, able to sing, teach, organize, entertain perfectly, play the piano, and all kinds of things. But truly, the women I’ve known who were very effective were simply women who love God and love people. Many ladies with less than fluent language skills can very effectively reach women because they’re real. They make the women around them feel at home, loved, and accepted. The best missionary women are normal, everyday people with big and loving hearts.

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What does the Bible have to say about success?

Love God and others. And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these (Mark 12:30-31).

Think about and share the Word of God. This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success (Joshua 1:8).

I want that kind of success! How about you?

- Lou Ann Keiser, Basque region, Spain