How to Help Grown Wayward Children
What can you do when your grown children begin to stray spiritually? I've seen a lot of parents hurt, mystified, and shaken by sudden and radical spiritual changes in the lives of their adult children. I realize, one day I may be one of them - and so could you.
In these moments, some parents grasp for control—trying to maintain a mythical strangle-hold of childhood authority. This always escalates a situation to become worse and creates greater distance relationally and spiritually. In a wild swing to the other extreme—some parents abandon their post of parental influence. They mentally, emotionally, and spiritually disconnect with an “oh well” resignation, as if there is nothing they can really do. Others respond in anger—returning hurt for hurt.
Recently, Dana and I prayerfully and fearfully sat down with some parents who were facing circumstances in which we all felt powerless. Together, we rediscovered the weapons God had given us to fight battles that are far beyond our human control. And together, we saw God work a miracle. These are the weapons that God gives us all to use against impossible circumstances:
Unconditional Love and Acceptance
Regardless what my child does, how my child hurts me, or how far out of bounds my child behaves—I will choose to respond with Christ-like compassion and unconditional love. This is a powerful weapon that speaks to the heart and the conscience. By the way, acceptance of a person does not equal approval of sin.
Godly Grace
Regardless of what my child has done, I extend grace—unmerited favor. Just as grace is God’s response to my sin, grace will be my response to my child’s sin. Grace is always undeserved, and is the most powerful resource for creating an environment where repentance and change are possible.
Intercessory Prayer
This weapon brings all the powers of Heaven to work in the situation. It is the single most powerful and yet most neglected response to any strained relationship.
God’s Word
Opinions and personal preferences matter little, but the principles of God’s Word are powerful. When battles of the will only escalate a situation, the principles of God’s Word speak to the heart with the potential of lasting life change.
Patient Endurance
Change takes time. Repentence is rarely instantaneous. Parents who win these battles never give up (emphasis on NEVER.) They faithfully and persistently use these weapons until the battle is won.
These are weapons of the Spirit. Think about it:
- Weapons of flesh will react, weapons of the Spirit will respond.
- Weapons of flesh will lash out. Weapons of the Spirit will reach out.
- Weapons of flesh desire retribution. Weapons of the Spirit desire reconciliation.
- Weapons of the flesh will seek control. Weapons of the Spirit will seek influence.
- Weapons of flesh will make demands. Weapons of the Spirit will make pleas.
- Weapons of flesh will accuse. Weapons of the Spirit will accept.
- Weapons of flesh will return hurt. Weapons of Spirit will return grace.
- Weapons of flesh will argue. Weapons of the Spirit will reason.
Here they are again: unconditional love, godly grace, intercessory prayer, God’s Word, and patient endurance.
Take hope, parent! If you are facing impossible circumstances and you feel hopeless and powerless—there is much you can do to fight a spiritual battle for your wayward child! God’s work is not finished in your child’s heart, and God’s Word is still powerful to change lives!
In reality, these weapons are effective in any broken or strained relationship. About the time you think there’s nothing you can do, about the time you want to over-react or fight in the flesh—these are the only weapons that can truly make a difference. May God give us wisdom to fight our relational battles in the wisdom of His Word and the power, and filling of His Holy Spirit.
Article by:
Cary Schmidt
Associate Pastor, Lancaster Baptist Church
