Training Missionaries During Survey Trips

I posed a question to a group of missionary women recently. The responses I got were wonderful!

My husband and I were blessed in that when we were on our two-week survey trip, we stayed with some veteran missionaries who intentionally made it a training period. They taught us an enormous amount of practical things! Our first year has been less traumatic and overwhelming because of this training. So, with this in mind, I asked these ladies, "What would you teach a new missionary while they were on their survey trip?" 

Here are some of the responses I got:

The Name Game

Whenever Seth and I need a lighter moment, we play the Name Game. We take turns listing funny English names we've heard given to the Africans upon their nativity, and before you know it, we are in tears with hilarity.

You would not believe the variety of English names we've heard over here. From Mary Jane to Harry to Kalifonia (California), we've heard more English names here than we heard growing up. But here are the funnier ones:

The okay-that-works-but-we-don't-usually-use-it names. Precious, Gift, Happy, Tiny, Lucky, Blessing, Glory, Memory, Beauty, and Justice; and on to rare names like Oscar, Lawrence, Desmond, Godfrey, Clifford, Yvonne, Archie, and Reginald.

Seth had to pay a parking fee to a female attendant, Vicious.

The home church of one of our LBI students is the Glory Barn Church.

The is-that-an-English-name names. Like Herron. Or Philly (sounds like Pill-y). Lionel. Forster. Irvan. (prounouced more like Ivan) Clifton.

The tyrants. I ascribe this one to typical African lack of affinity for history, not outright ill-will. There are two Hitlers in our village; one attends our church. What a trophy of grace that would be if he were converted and baptized!

In the cemetery across from our house, you will see the grave of Saddam Hussein.  We heard the reasoning for that at his funeral. His parents said when he was born, they heard that there was a man strong enough to go against America, and they wanted their son to be that strong;...thus, Saddam Hussein once walked amongst our village streets.

A main intersection in Maputo, the capital city of Mozambique.

There are the Bible names. Several Solly's (short for Solomon). Lemuel is a church member. Moxe (Moses) is a child in my Sunday School class. Philemon (pronounced Fill-a-mon) taught us Venda when we first came. Seth teaches Trinity every Wednesday.

Absolutely-made-up names. Skyborne, Loveness (hey, normally -ness makes a noun from a verb, right?), Lovemore, Flovah, Oedipus, Delicia, Strongman, Jastone, Rabbyboy, Edmore, and a family of 5 brothers: Albert (so far so good). Libert. Ebert. Wilbert. And Ozbert. :)

This one deserves a sentence of its own: Roadblock.


The do-you-know-what-you're-saying names. (These go along with the category above.) Wastemore. Acres (pronounced Ah-Chris--he's a teen church member.) He was born in a hospital in Johannesburg named Green Acres.

One of the best ones we heard in this category comes compliments of fellow South African missionaries. They met a Fay-molly.

Sorry, what did you say?

Faymall-y.

Could you spell that?

F-E-M-A-L-E.

Ohhhh.

Her mother wasn't sure what to write down in the hospital, so she copied the word that was checkmarked for gender!

And finally, our crowning moment of hilarity in the Name Game is when we get to the name of a pastor who held a crusade in our teammate's village down the road. On the handouts, his name was listed as....

Pastor Teargas.

Can't resist...

"I went to hear Pastor Teargas tonight. The whole audience was moved to tears at his preaching."

 

Have you come across funny English names on your field of service?

Sunday Scriptures

"Everyone Has Their Talents!"

One evening as I was making supper, my three children were all in the kitchen helping me.  I was giving them each a different job to do.  Danny, who turns seven today, is usually the one who makes the Kool-Aid, but he was busy stirring the meat.  So, I asked Gilbert, who is eight, to make the Kool-Aid.  Gilbert usually mixes up the powdered milk, but he does not make Kool-Aid very often.  He emptied the Kool-Aid powder into the pitcher first.  Bonnie, who is five, informed Gilbert that he was supposed to put the sugar in first because that is how Danny and Mom do it.  Danny said, “It’s okay, Bonnie. Everyone has their talents!”  I had never thought of making Kool-Aid as a talent before.  If that is a talent, then I have lots of talents!!

What is your talent? 

Until next week, keep your sunny side up!

Lessons from a Broken Candle

It was a Sunday night. The family had all gathered in the living room to finish out the evening in quiet rest. As usual, my teenage son asked if we had any "junk." You know what "junk" is. It is junk food. Sweets. Cookies, milkshakes... teen boys are not too picky.

I looked at my husband. I could see in his eyes that he was hopeful for "junk," too. So off to the kitchen I went.

Hmmmm... Brownies. Homemade brownies should do the trick. I grabbed the recipe and whipped them up quick as a snap. As I put the pan in the oven, I heard it.

Clang, crash, shatter.

"What was that?" I asked, slightly afraid of the answer. I overheard my husband, in his calm, collected voice, send a child to their bedroom.

I took a deep breath and went to confirm what I suspected was true. Sure enough, my new candle was knocked off the side table. It hit the stone floor. The floor was merciless to the glass jar.

My heart sank.

Taste of Fall: Pumpkin Spice Donuts/Muffins + Bonus Links

This is a tasty little gem of a recipe I stumbled on some time ago. As I'm a big fan of cake donuts, and I don't like taking the time to heat up the oil to fry them, this recipe is perfect.

If you have a donut pan/maker, then make donuts! If you don't? Then make muffins ~ this batter works for both! If you like tiny muffins, make them small. If you like normal size, then make them full size! See? Perfect for whatever you've got!

Pumpkin Spice Donuts/Muffins

For Donuts:
1 3/4 c. flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg *
1/2 tsp. allspice *
1/8 tsp. ground cloves *
1/3 c. oil of choice
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 egg
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
3/4 c. pumpkin puree
1/2 c. milk

For Coating:
1/2 c. butter, melted
2/3 c. sugar
1-2 Tbsp. cinnamon (more if you're a cinnamon lover)

Preheat oven 350 F. 
Butter a donut pan/donut maker/muffin tin and set aside.
Mix flour, baking powder, salt and spices together and set aside.
In a large bowl whisk together oil, brown sugar, egg, vanilla, pumpkin and milk until combined. Slowly add the dry ingredients into the mixture and stir until just combined, careful not to over mix.
Fill each donut cup/muffin cup with the batter. 
The cups should be fairly full, but not overflowing.
If making donuts, bake for 8-9 minutes, until donuts spring back when gently pressed (if you're using a larger donut pan, allow them to bake for 12-15 minutes).  Turn donuts out onto a wire rack and allow to cool for a few minutes.
If making muffins, bake for 10-12 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean (if you're using a larger muffin tin, bake for 15-18 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean).
While the donuts/muffins are cooling, melt butter in one bowl and combine the sugar and cinnamon in another. 
When donuts/muffins are still hot (but not too hot to touch), quickly dip each donut in melted butter, then coat in the cinnamon-sugar mixture. 
Serve immediately. **

*Note: If you do not have all these spices {or don't like some!}, you can easily substitute another teaspoon of cinnamon in there place.
 
** If you're not going to serve the donuts/muffins immediately, you can bake them up to a day in advance and store them in an airtight container.  Do not coat them in the butter/cinnamon-sugar mixture until just before serving or they may get soggy.

Thanks to the Blue-Eyed Bakers for the delicious recipe and beautiful picture!

Bonus Links!!!
Apple Butter {with no refined sugars!} via The Gracious Pantry.
Pumpkin Butter {also with no refined sugars!} via The Gracious Pantry.
Baked Apple Donuts {if pumpkin isn't your thing!} via The Cake Blog.
Pumpkin Walnut Bread via Local Kitchen.
Pumpkin Cheesecake Ice Cream {for all of us living in the tropics!} via Foodie With Family.

Enjoy!

Striking Out

Economics touches our lives directly in so many ways. Missionaries often need to stretch themselves to consider ideas they didn't think came with the job. Questions of colonialism, capitalism, the reasons for poverty, and ways to escape poverty are often viewed through our biblical lens (or not thought about!), but nationals see things differently.

South Africa is a strike-crazy country. Since we arrived, we have witnessed several different strikes, from workers at a grocery store, to municipal workers spreading trash all over the nearest town instead of collecting it, to teachers' and miners' strikes. Last year, strikes by miners became so incendiary that more than 30 miners were killed in the riots.

On one occasion at the nearest government university, students "striked," or rather rioted, to raise their bursaries (scholarships) above 70% of their university costs. They weren't getting enough financial help from their scholarships, apparently. The school offered scholarships to 90%, but the student leadership said that still wasn't enough. Students defaced buildings, vandalized rooms, and even burned a building. Eventually they got what they were asking.

This past week, impersonal strikes became personal when the municipal workers of South Africa went on strike. The workers for the water system in our region, rather than simply quitting work, turned off the lines that supplied water for an entire large region. Several villages--hundreds of thousands of people became dependent on whatever private wells were in the area to supply their water.

Two and a half years ago, we purchased a tank to hold about 2,000 liters of water; but we were still dependent on the government supply lines to fill the tank with water (at least once or twice a week). We did not hear the cause of the lack of water until halfway through the week and had not been conserving water the way we would have had we known. We immediately stopped any washing of laundry and began our old measures of conserving water.

Thankfully, our teammates 8 kilometers away have a private well, and they allowed us to wash some laundry there and tote jugs and containers of water back home. Also thankfully, the water came back on last night (Sunday)! The story goes that "a gang of boys" went around and turned on all the supply lines, but the strike is not yet over. So the water may yet be turned off again.

Meanwhile, while the water was on, I washed seven loads of laundry! Even though it was rainy, I washed clothes as quickly as the machine would run, and crossed the bridge of where to hang them to dry afterwards.

Clothes hung in the garage. I also hung sheets over the curtain rods in the living room!

More laundry hung on hangars in the bathroom.

It was a stressful situation. All week I would think of how to conserve water, when I could find a block of time to run over to my teammate's house to wash clothes, which clothes should be washed first if I were limited, and which could wait. My toilet-training daughter would have an accident, and my patience would snap much more quickly than it would have had we had easy water access to clean with. My highchair-eating toddler threw his plate of food on the floor, and my temper went through the roof. The biggest source of stress was that no one knows how long the strike will last or when the water will be off or on.

It was a good exercise for me in trust in God's sovereignty, patience during temptation, and cheerfulness while strained. It was also a good exercise yet again in thinking through the moral connections of economics.

The strikers "struck out" in the following three ways:

1. The workers displayed a spirit of entitlement in striking in the first place. Don't they realize that they and everyone else will soon be paying for it as well, as prices go up all over the place to compensate for their raised wages? Do they not see that if wages go up for them, the unemployment rate will not decrease? Who can hire more workers if each worker is paid more?

A spirit of entitlement is all over--not just here in strike-crazy Africa. It's also in America and the lack of personal responsibility; it's in Greece and all the other countries which, while sinking in debt, cannot raise the age of retirement benefits to 65 instead of 62 or whatever the ages in debate are. A Christian worldview encourages hard work and personal responsibility.

2. Further, the municipal strikers displayed selfishness in going beyond a simple strike to deprivation of life's most basic necessity for thousands of people. Rather than handling their fight themselves, they're hoping to cause a riot or riots from the common people so that their benefits or wages increase. A Christian worldview encourages compassion towards others and placing others before self.

3. Finally, this strike and the numerous other strikes in Africa display a common impatience and get-rich-quick spirit. Rather than accumulating wealth the way most other wealthy people did--through generations of hard work, good management, and frugality; they want it now.

That's why the prosperity gospel is the most popular religion over here. I want it now! I deserve it now! Why should you have something I can't have? Jesus gives you that? I'll take Him then! A Christian worldview encourages putting our treasure in heaven, not on earth. It discourages the love of money, and at the same time encourages the work ethic that produces wealth.

Once again, Seth and I have had a vivid illustration of how much Christianity could change the world. The problem is sin. The solution is the Living Water.

 

Okay, your turn! Got any water stories for me? What's your water situation? Any tips on how you conserve water or where you hang your laundry during rainy days? 

Sunday Scriptures

Walking Like a Baptist

A couple weeks ago, my husband and I traveled to the capital city for a doctor’s appointment.  Another missionary family kept our children for us.  So, it was just the two of us.  We stayed in a guest house which is close to a main road that contains lots of little shops and restaurants; that area is called Osu.  There are also many souvenir vendors along that road.  The traffic is always very congested on that road.  So, we usually just park the vehicle at the guest house and then walk back to that main road.

As we were walking along the main road, the souvenir vendors kept commenting, “Oh, a family; how nice, how nice!”  I commented to Joe that a couple was not usually considered a “family.”  He said that it was just strange for them to see a white husband and wife walking together.  We also heard them saying “husband and wife” in a tribal language.  We caused quite the stir!

We were just enjoying our walk.  Unbeknownst to us, the pastor of the church which is right next to the guest house saw us as we were walking.  The next day at church, he said that he had seen us walking in town.  He said to himself, “Wow! A white couple walking together through Osu!”  Then, he said that he thought to himself, “They walk like Baptists!  I bet they will be in church tomorrow!”  He went on to say that if anyone wanted to know why we walked like Baptists, they could ask him after church.  I thought that was funny; I was tempted to go ask!

You have heard the saying, “Your walk talks, and your talk talks, but your walk talks louder than your talk talks.”  We were just out for an evening stroll, but people were watching us.  We did not say much to those whom we passed, but our walk was talking.

Ephesians 5:15-16 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 

Until next week, keep your sunny side up!

What I've learned from Sofia*

About a year ago, Sofia started attending our church.  Sofia has a very troubled life.  Her husband is an alcoholic and drinks every bit of money he makes.  Sofia works hard at her job to keep the bills paid and food on the table.  She lives with her husband and three teenage children in a small, one-bedroom apartment.  She has been directly affected (in her immediate family) by teenage pregnancy, abortion, abuse, drunkenness, drugs, and suicide.

When Sofia first started coming to church, she was very unhappy.  She never smiled and would sit in her chair with her head down, and not talk to anyone.  She has spent many hours in Chris’s office with Chris and I sobbing about her life.  Several weeks after she had started coming to church, we began to notice a change in Sofia.  No longer would she enter church quietly and sit dejected and depressed in her chair, but she would smile upon being greeted and she would stay around to fellowship after the service.

 “…for the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10)

Now she enters church with a smile on her face and a spring in her step.  She greets everyone with a smile and enjoys singing the hymns during church.  Did her circumstances change?  NO!  However, Sofia has found the Joy of the LORD!  Sofia told us that she can’t believe the peace in her heart since she “met God’s Son.”  Her circumstances are still the same.  She still works hard cleaning to provide for her family.  Her husband still drinks.  Her daughter is still in an abusive relationship, etc… Her life is still heartbreaking.  She still has times where she is crying in Chris’s office, but instead of despair over her life, she is now praying for the rest of her family to find the Lord as she has.  No longer do we see a sad, dejected woman; instead we see a joyful, hopeful Christian!

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith…” (Galatians 5:22)

Sofia has been a lesson to me.  I can’t imagine living the life she lives, and yet the Joy of the Lord shines through her.  Despite her circumstances, she is Joyful.  Happiness is a reflection of your circumstances, while Joy is a reflection of your heart.  How do we who have the Truth portray ourselves and our Savior to those around us?  When people look upon our countenance, what do they see?  Do they see an expression based on our circumstances, or do they see the Joy of the Lord?

“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”
(Romans 15:13)

*(not her real name)

Rescuing My Happy Place... a.k.a. Candle Repair 101

We live in a big, pollution-filled, stinky, garbage-filled city. The scents that we have to endure sometimes could be considered a brutal form of torture. Cruel and unusual punishment.

(Apple Pumpkin and Harvest scents from Yankee Candle. YUM!)

Scented candles. They bring such joy to this home. Lighting one of my candles is like getting a breath of fresh air. Whether it be Apple Pumpkin that whisks us away to Fall in the mountains of Western North Carolina, or Bahama Breeze that almost makes us hear sea gulls and crashing waves on sand, scented candles teleport us to our happy places without even leaving the room.

But nothing quite brings a screeching halt to the trip down Happyville Lane like hearing the crash of a candle to the floor. (Face it. Sometimes a candle is more than just a candle on the field. So every broken candle hurts. They are irreplaceable in many countries... like ours.)

This has happened twice this year, both times from a sweet little boy who sometimes forgets where a good place to play is... and where it is not. Both times, he crumbled into tears. He knows how we all treasure their scents. And we cannot get scented candles here. (Yes, I plan on having a post on Lessons from a Broken Candle. But this post is about the practical instead of the devotional.)

So what did I do?

I put on my Super Mommy cape and glided in for the rescue... candle style.

Breakfast Time: Buttery Pancake Syrup

Last week I wrote a play-by-play of my day with a newborn on my personal blog. Included was the above photo of me making pancake syrup. Somebody asked about my recipe, and I realized that I'd not yet posted it on here. I guess I just thought everybody had a recipe....silly me!
The best thing about this recipe? Anybody anywhere can make it with what they have available ~ it is THAT adaptable.
Trying to stay away from refined sugars? We can make it that way, too! Just read and see!

Buttery Pancake Syrup

1 c. water
2 1/3 c. brown sugar/demarera/Rapadura/sucanat/jaggery {none of those available? mix 1 c. sugar with 1 tsp. molasses for each cup needed}
1/3 c. corn syrup ~ this is optional, but it does help to thicken the syrup {none available? try Maria's recipe OR boil 2 c. white sugar with 1 c. water for 3 minutes}
2 Tbsp. butter OR margarine
dash of salt
1/4 tsp. vanilla
1/4 tsp. maple extract (optional)

Place all ingredients except extracts in heavy saucepan.
Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally until mixture begins to foam.
Boil 5 minutes.
Remove from heat and stir in extract(s).
Cool slightly before serving.
Refrigerate leftovers.
Warm before serving.

Enjoy!

To Say or Not to Say??

...and how much? These are my questions on Missionary Mondays when I want to share Africa with my readers and loved ones.

Missionaries live their lives getting a taste of what it means to be a pilgrim, to be in this world but not of it. No matter where we are, we don't completely fit in. We are people of two cultures--the one we came from and the one we're trying to assimilate for the Gospel's sake.

The culture we're living in (I'll call it "Culture #2") does not understand us--and really doesn't usually try. And when we go back to our own culture ("Culture #1"), we can't remember what it was like to only know American culture. The longer we're away, the harder it is to converse on what seems like narrower scopes every time we go "home." The only people who can really understand what it's like to know both cultures are your teammates (if you have them), and oh the letdown if they don't understand--or worse, if they do understand yet disagree with you!

If we tell culture #1 about the culture we live amongst, we walk a thin line of whether or not to say this or that and how much to describe. If we say more in an effort to really explain and increase the hearer's understanding, it can come across as complaining, self-pitying, unloving, judgmental, critical, politically incorrect; or perhaps fault-finders might even use terms like "hateful" or "racist." That is, if we didn't already lose attention to their iPhone's incoming text message.

Or even worse is when you try to explain this or that facet of culture #2 to a person from culture #1, and in the greatness of their misunderstanding and inability to form a concept of a worldview and culture outside their own, they proceed to inform you--the missionary who has loved and lived among those people for X amount of years--how you don't understand and the situation is really like this, and what you ought to do, say, or think.

Perhaps this happens, and perhaps this happening has become more normal, because of the popularity of social media and Blogland, where everyone has a say, whether they know or understand much of what they're talking about. But that's another topic. Which leads me to yet another angle of how a missionary feels self-muzzled: if you summon the bravery to attempt to subtly (or openly) talk to culture #1 about perceived errors inside it (potential or real) that you feel your stay in another culture has enlightened you to, it's like you're speaking another language. There just seems to be a disconnect in understanding your bottom line.

I was asked to speak at a ladies' missionary society when I went "home" on furlough, and I had a hard time deciding what to speak on. I thought about speaking on "Things I Usually Don't Tell Americans Because I Think They Won't Understand," but I wasn't sure they would understand. :) And I'm not sure I can even formulate it or should try after 8 years of service. Maybe it's something I will be better and wiser at after 20 years here.

Usually missionaries resort to safer subjects, as I generally have on Missionary Mondays--something concrete like what we're actually doing or something blasé that doesn't completely communicate our challenges, thoughts, or lives. I would like to give a clearer picture than that, but when you've been misunderstood a couple of times, especially on your first few times even attempting the communication, you get shy.

I had a best friend in college with a Southern accent. I felt like she could get away with saying whatever she wanted in that sweet Southern drawl. She'd tell her roommates, "Y'all jest need to pick yer stuff ah-up!" and they'd practically hug her and take her out for ice cream; whereas I would say, "Um...would you mind...moving that pile a bit when you get a chance?" And the hall leader would have to be brought in to clean up after World War III.

So maybe that's the solution. I'm going to try to write more about our views on culture and ministry in an African setting when I have the time to re-read and re-edit my rough draft a 1,000 times first ;), and y'all jest need to read it with a Southern accent, 'k?

Seeing in black and white.

Thanks to Jen Bauer for giving me the opportunity to even attempt. :)

Sunday Scriptures

Our Desire

The other day, my five-year-old daughter asked, “Mom, what does ‘desire’ mean?”  She went on to explain that her teacher says, “It is our desire…” every day when she prays in class.  I told her that to desire something means to want it.  After she considered that for a minute, she said, “Mom, I desire some crackers with salami and cheese for my snack.”

On a daily basis there are things that we desire.  It might be a desire for a certain food or a desire to speak to a loved one or friend.  We all have desires.

Nehemiah desired to fear the Lord.  (Nehemiah 1:11) Job’s desire was that God would answer him. (Job 31:35) In Psalm 27:4, the psalmist desired to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of his life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in His temple.  Paul desired fruit that would abound to the account of the church at Philippi.  In 1 Peter 2:2, we are instructed to desire the sincere milk of the word.

What is your desire?  The Bible tells us in Psalm 37:4: “Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” 

Until next week, keep your sunny side up!

Encouragement for the Discouraged Missionary Wife

We’ve all been there.  We’ve all had our bad days.  We’ve all had our moments of discouragement.  How do YOU handle discouragement?  Does it send you to your husband to moan and complain about “this hard life,” or does it send you to the arms of your Heavenly Father?  It has often been said that the Father is the Head of the Home, and the Mother is the Heart of the Home.  I’m sure we also can relate to “When Mama’s not happy, Nobody’s happy!"  As wives and mothers, our attitude sets the tone in the home.  If we’re depressed, discouraged and always sad, our husbands and children will suffer.  While there is nothing wrong with taking our burdens and cares to our husband, sometimes it’s best to leave them at the feet of Jesus so we can be the helpmeet our husband needs.  “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” (I Peter 5:7) 

There are times when it is a good idea to take a step back and take a look at our lives.  We are serving the Most High God.  The God who loved us so much that He sent His Son to die for us.  The God who loves the people we are ministering to so much that He sent US to them!  When we get our eyes off the Lord and place them on ourselves it’s easy to hold a pity party and invite the family, but when we turn our eyes on Jesus the things that once bothered us so much before, now seem so trivial.  “Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, 
In the light of His glory and grace”   “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10)

Life on the mission field is very different than our “home” land.  Sometimes those differences are hard to overcome and accept.  Many times things on the mission field are more difficult, tiresome, and so inconvenient compared to life as we once knew it.  The language is hard; the people are different, and the food is strange.   Yet, this new country that we are in is home to the people God has called us to - People that need to hear of His Gift of Salvation.  “Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.” (Matthew 28:20)  *This verse is a particular favorite of mine since we are serving the Lord at the very top of the world in Greenland.*

The best way to face discouragement is to get in The Word.  Go to your Heavenly Father and pour out your burdens to Him.  Spend time with the Lord Daily.  Talk to others who have been where you are.   Talk to your husband to see if there are things that can be changed to better help you help him. Reach out to those around you; take your eyes off yourself and your circumstances and really look at the lost souls surrounding you. There is nothing wrong with being discouraged; it’s how we handle it that can make or break us on the field!  “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord”. (I Corinthians 15:58)

Mouth Strengtheners

I talked to her this morning. She has been a good friend for quite some time. This morning's call wasn't just to chit chat though. It was more of a counselling session; I guess you would call it that. She had a problem and wanted to talk.

Because of the time difference, I ended up talking to her before I got a chance to do my devotions. When we got off the phone, I had to get the children started on school. The day started to slip away from me, but before lunch time I finally slipped away to spend time in the Word.

You know those moments when your devotion just totally grips your heart? Those moments where you really find yourself not just reading, but inspecting and reviewing? Yes, this was one of those devotions. Of all places, I was in the book of Job today... and Job's "friends" were counselling him. It really made me reflect on the counsel I have been giving my friend. Have I been showing true compassion? Have I just blurted out all the "right answers" because I am convinced I have them?

The book of Job seriously makes me inspect my counseling methods and motives.

Job was in deep grief and pain, and these three "friends" had nothing to offer except sharp, critical words. Job even tried to counsel them on how they could be better friends:




Job 16:4-5 "I also could speak as ye do: if your soul were in my soul's stead, I could heap up words against you, and shake mine head at you. But I would strengthen you with my mouth, and the moving of my lips should asswage your grief."

Hmmm... Strengthening people with our mouths. That is what counseling should be.

As missionary women and missionary wives, we are often looked to as examples and for counsel. People come to us with problems. Sometimes we are so focused on having all the answers, that we forget compassion. Job was saying, "If you were in my shoes, I would use my mouth to strengthen and encourage you. I would try to ease your grief. But all you do is heap your sharply worded diagnosis on me. (And their counsel was way off, I might add.)

So how can we be better counselors? How can we better help people who come to us with problems? I am sure there are tons of ways to improve, but in my devotions I found three main ways.

Purpose to be a friend and not an enemy:

Job 16:10 "They have gaped upon me with their mouth; they have smitten me upon the cheek reproachfully; they have gathered themselves together against me."

Job was telling his friends that they acted more like enemies than friends. His enemies treated him this way... why were his friends doing the same? Their mouths were not constructing anything. They were smiting and gaping.

Our goal is not to make people feel guilty. Guilt changes no one for the better. Often we try to make people feel guilty because we do not trust God's Word and the Holy Spirit to bring conviction.

Our goal in counselling Christians is not to beat people down, but to encourage them toward truth. It may be truth about a sin they are involved in, or it may be encouraging them toward trusting in the goodness of God through a storm. Even in the case of sin, we should be focused on rescue and restoration, not condemnation.

Flattery helps no one, but always speak the truth in love.

          Job 17:5 "He that speaketh flattery to his friends, even the eyes of his children shall fail."

Job didn't want someone to just tell him what made him feel good. He was looking for truth. He didn't want his friends to flatter him. If he had truly sinned, he wanted his friends to help him see it. The problem was, his friends could not point out any sin. They only had accusations and assumptions. They hurled those at Job unmercifully.

(Ladies, if we don't know the "why" of a problem, don't assume. It's OK to say, "I don't know.")

If You Don't Know What Counsel to Give, Ask!

Job 17:10  ...for I cannot find one wise man among you. How sad if that could be said of us in our counsel when access to wisdom is so readily available!James 1:5  If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
I have to admit, I have been like Job's friends more times than I can count. I find it easy to tell people why they have all the problems they do. My pride tells me I know all the reasons and the solutions. Yes, often people encounter problems because of sin. But there are also times when people encounter problems because God is doing something special in their lives. How careful we should be in diagnosing the "why!"

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It is also easy to be all love... or all truth... and forsake speaking the truth in love. Truth should never be separated from love, nor love from truth.

When we learn to seek God's direction in our counselling, we learn to speak the truth in love, and we show compassion for those grieving (whether the problem was brought about by their doing or not) we will truly learn to strengthen people with our mouths.

--  Charity, Southern Asia

Missionary Monday ~ How to Support Your Missionary Wives

I get asked this on a weekly basis, "How can we better support you? What is it that you need from us?" I always worry when I answer. I am never sure that I give the right or all-encompassing response. I´m not even sure that my attempt to do so in this blog will be correct. I always worry when I put a blanket statement like the title above. For truly, we are all individuals, and I cannot answer for every missionary wife. And as my experience is limited to my country of service and time here, I am sure something will be left out. So, I am definitely not the most qualified person to answer this. But since it is asked of me… often… and I have this forum, I asked God to help me generally answer on behalf of some of my co-workers around the world, and maybe in some small way help us all knit closer together as the family of God.

1.) Be Interested. I cannot tell you what it means to me when I get an e-mail or message or letter, and I can tell the person has been following our ministry - has read our prayer letter, knows our prayer requests, has checked out our Facebook pages. The fact that someone would take time out of their busy schedule and think of and/or pray for us means the world! Can I be honest? I don´t know how missionaries did it before technology! They were obviously better people than I. Because of distance, there is that immediate disconnect. It can be discouraging if you think no one from home that supports you cares about what you are killing yourself to do in a foreign country. Of course, I can already hear some of the sour responses ¨But, you are doing it for the Lord, not for men. That should be it´s own reward!¨ And you´re right! That´s why most missionaries will stay on the field. The reward is not why we do it, anyway. But the encouragement is a motivation. A reminder that just as this person sees, God sees us, too. We are not forgotten. It´s always a missionary´s fear, that as soon as the missions conference is over, or the next missionary comes to visit, we will be but a distant memory. Make an extra effort to be sure your missionary wife knows you think about her! Every single one of them! Because as soon as your missionary family steps off the plane onto that unfamiliar land, the devil starts telling them they don´t matter. No one cares. What they do will never make a difference. And he whispers those things constantly, especially into the wife´s ear. And each time you send that message, mail that package, make that call, you have helped defeat Satan and encouraged your missionary´s wife to keep going. She is not alone.

2.) Be Patient. I wish I could explain this well in words; but unless you experience it, it is an impossibility, but I will try. Things move at a different speed in foreign countries. I live in a city of 10 million people with Wi-fi (sometimes!) and Starbucks {which most missionary wives don´t!}, and STILL it takes me half the day just to cook my meals for the day. Nearly everything has to be done from scratch… and when I say scratch, I mean like chop the head off the chicken…, we need to wash and sanitize every veggie & fruit, purify/boil water before using, and so many other things that just eat up time. It takes hours to grocery shop. You have to push and shove just to be waited on; you will stand in line just for them to let a grumpy person cut in front of you so they ¨stop making a scene,¨ and carts of bloody meat will crash into your leg at least once a month. Every place has a line that you must wait in, but they can´t tell you why. And just driving somewhere in the horrific traffic is enough to give the sweetest lady severe road rage. Nothing can be easily done. You can´t just run to the corner store, grab a can of soup, and heat it up for dinner. You have to understand that sometimes the ATM will run out of money and they will fill it ¨when they come¨. Which could be an hour or next Tuesday. Everything must always be done in a different language while trying to understand the different mindset. And most missionary wives have to do all of this with children! So add all your pastor´s wife does and put it in these circumstances {and I really didn´t even scratch the surface!}. Maybe now you will understand when she does not answer your e-mail right away. Or why she did not ¨like¨ your church´s FB status, yet. Contrary to a somewhat popular notion, we do not sit on the internet all day. [Yes, I see the irony as I blog that on the internet ]. In my own life, I had someone very upset because they sent me a very nice FB message that it took me awhile to respond to. She told me that the computer said I was on-line. So, she took it to mean I just did not care to answer her. Newsflash! I am ALWAYS signed in, either on my phone or Kindle or somewhere! I never log out ~ and now all the hackers are running to my FB account ~ But, it doesn´t mean I am always sitting there waiting to NOT answer you. OK, personal rant over . But, honestly, We want to answer you. We want to give you an update on everything. We want to send you pictures of the children. We want to send you the list of needs. And we will! Just be patient with us!

3.) Be Kind. Ok, so this should be a no-brainer, right? But I just felt I should include it, because of some of the things I hear. I recently went back to the States, and so many of my amazing friends sent clothes back with me for the Peruvians, and they sent the very best! I was so proud to give them to our people. But we have gotten things in packages for us or to ¨share with the people¨ - threadbare clothes, half-used bottles of shampoo, and all the other things that looked like they had been on their way to the garbage pile and accidentally put in the missionary package. Don´t just give. If you only have a blanket with stains and holes, just throw it away! And instead, pray for the missionary. One of my friends in another country was so excited as she waited for a box of clothes for her kids. She got it and the note said ¨We sent these because your last picture was so pathetic. At least now, maybe your kids will match!¨ Now, this time the clothes were VERY nice and first class, but the words stung! Every time she put those clothes on her children, she felt like a failure as a mother. Every time she heard of someone that had seen that picture, she felt embarrassed and ashamed. Kind of took all the joy out of the package. Kindness goes such a long way! Simply just a kind word… or being kind enough to not share your opinions, especially of her or her family… could make such a difference to your missionary´s wife.

4.) Be Understanding. I know. We are supposed to be super Christians. We are never supposed to have a bad day. We are supposed to have perfect children who love their new culture and don´t miss America at all. We should always look good and not like the dowdy missionary wife. But, we should not look too good because then we must be stealing support money and going on shopping sprees! We are supposed to be able to sing and play at least two musical instruments. We should always have a good attitude about our husband´s never being home. Our prayer letters should always be positive and filled with good news, even though most don´t read them anyway. Complaining is forbidden. Tears are unwelcome. Depression is a sin. ~~ I´m about to tell you a secret now. According to these standards, we fail. We all fail. Every missionary´s wife is no longer allowed to be one, then. And, I know you think I´m exaggerating. And no, not everyone holds us to these, but some do. I have known people who have lost support because their prayer letter had ¨too many needs listed and not enough souls saved¨. Or the pastor who called my friend´s husband because "Your wife seemed to be having a bad week when we visited your work. I don´t think she is cut out for life on the field." Really? I mean, really? We are human. Unfortunately. Trust me ~ We all wish we did not have our failings and shortcomings! Life would be so much easier. But, just try to understand. Be her shoulder to cry on. Let her be homesick. Allow her some ¨prickly¨days. Understand. And with that, maybe try the next one…

5.) Be Her Prayer Warrior! This is the most important one! Her husband and children have a prayer warrior; it is her. The people they serve have a prayer warrior; it´s her. All of their supporting churches have a prayer warrior; it´s her - the missionary wife. But, who prays for her? And not in the ¨dear-God-bless-all-the-missionaries-out-there¨ way, although we will take that, too! But in the ¨I´m going to take this whole week and just pray for her. I will find out her prayer requests. I will pray for miracles. I will even fast a day. I will beg God to bind Satan in her life. I will weep as I ask God to protect her relationships and body. I will be the one who takes her name to God so she can have the wisdom, grace, love, mercy, peace, and strength to get through the day.¨ I know you´re thinking that it sounds pretty intense. And it is. We stand between the living and the dead here. I personally have encountered more spiritual warfare in the last year and a half than I ever have in my previous 30 years combined. The devil has had such a stronghold in all of our countries of service, and you can hear his demons scream and rage as another missionary sets foot on ¨his¨ kingdom. He will unleash all of his venom - every evil, every mind game, every sickness, every sin, every temptation, every hurt he has at his disposal until he can get them to leave. And the devil knows, just like he did in the garden of Eden, that the success of this missionary family hinges on one person… the wife. So, he´ll target her. He always does. That´s why she needs a prayer warrior. I´m begging you for her. Please, fast and pray for your missionary´s wife. It´s the only way she´ll survive.

I hope this helps! I must include that Junior & I are SO blessed to have the BEST supporting churches ever! They are all of these things to me and so much more. I love them, every single one of them. I have just felt Spirit-led to share this with you all. I love all of my missionary wife friends out there, too! Keep going, Ladies! Hang in there. Don´t give up! If you get knocked down, get up again {we all do!}! I have the highest respect for each of you and count you all as a true heroine. If I left the mission field today, it would have been the greatest and most instructive time in my life, and it has made me realize just how AMAZING each of one you ladies are! Can´t wait to get to heaven & see how God honors your behind-the-scenes, selfless, sacrificial lives that you´ve given for Him.

Love ~ Jessica

This is a guest post by Jessica.  She is a missionary's wife serving the Lord in Peru.  You can read more of her writings at her blog - Living Redeemed.