A few years ago, a supporting pastor of our teammates came to visit
their work. My teammate was teaching the women at our monthly ladies'
group that month; and after finishing her theological lesson, commenced a
mini-lesson on proper table manners. At one more slightly intrusive
point, the supporting pastor's wife, who had come along to our ladies'
meeting and was trying to get the gist of the mini-lesson, gave a
surprised laugh with the side-whisper to me, "Wow, she's brave." I
laughed with her, because my teammate is brave; but I defended my
teammate with this comment:
"Well, sometimes, we take the role of a parent."
|
We love them like our own! |
This
again was an unforeseen role that I find myself taking often--never
having been asked to, but often feeling shoved into the role--and I
don't mean for my own children!
On any given day, if you came by
our house in the afternoon, you would see anywhere from 10-30 village
kids (mostly boys) playing here. They enjoy the grass and our garden,
the possibility of a free ball, the novelty of white playmates--maybe
just a change of pace, I'm not completely sure. But I am almost sure
that their parents/guardians do not know where they are. For hours.
One
time, several boys began to be in the bad habit of sneaking in without
announcing themselves in their own traditionally respectful way, and
hiding around the corner of the house. I would be sitting at the kitchen
table homeschooling my eldest and see a shadow flit past the window. I,
having recently been thinking again about Charlotte Mason's (a
20th-century educator) philosophy of training right habits, went out,
and decided to take it upon myself to teach them the proper way of
respecting others' property. I instructed them, made them repeat back to
me what I'd said (since you never know if they understood otherwise),
and then made them practice announcing themselves the right way
(according to
their cultural customs!) three times each. (I was easy on them; Charlotte Mason suggests 10 times, I believe.) :)
Recently,
a boy, who did not remove himself from our garage when we'd warned him
to, walked right into steel poles that we use for our church building
project that some other boys were transporting into the garage at the
time. His head wound bled profusely. Seth put on some gloves (HIV/AIDS
is always a concern) and patched him up in the dim light of dusk. When
we visited the home to explain, his guardian was unconcerned.
|
Seth frequently includes other boys on outings with our own. Here, enjoying a hike on a nearby tree farm. |
If
you saw how we handled some of the youth here, you may think we
overstepped our bounds; but after time, we have become more bold, taking
on more of a parent-teacher role than would be permissible in American
culture. A few months ago, a boy (whom we didn't know well) became
violently angry at another boy during their play in our yard. He went
home and returned with a kitchen knife intending to harm the other
children who had denied his desires. When Seth was told, he applied
corporal punishment--more gently than if it were our own child. Yet the
boy yelped and dodged and scurried away afterwards with his tail between
his legs. We have not seen him back to play. I am sure he was
embarrassed. Harsh, say you? But we must protect our children and the
others playing here. And no one else will intervene to save his soul
from the path he is now on.
Time would fail me to tell all the
stories of our own, as well as of other missionaries who have, for all
practical purposes acted as literal foster parents--taking children in,
feeding them, clothing them, and paying for schooling.
We have
frequently had to expel children from our yard (for the day or week) for
lying, disobeying our authority, disregarding our garden and ruthlessly
breaking plants or killing baby birds, or most recently, repeatedly
stealing right out of our chest freezer in our garage.
Then when
we come to the teens, the troubles become more severe. Many girls in our
youth group have become pregnant or endangered themselves through
reckless dating and disobedience of their parents. A handful of times
when coming home after dark on the village roads, Seth (sometimes with
our family in the car) has stopped to tell an immorally active teen
couple by the side of the road to go home, and has rebuked them for
immorality, and at the least, the possibility of contracting AIDS.
On
a lighter note, we have supported teens by attending important
functions where they were honored or gave a speech, but their parents
didn't go. Or by attending an important soccer game. Or by funding them
for an important field trip or school function.
|
Four of our children. |
At
least five different mothers of our church youth have come to us asking
for help to get their teenagers to listen to them. I say mothers,
because in our youth group, very few teens have ever even met their
fathers (or know who they are). None have fathers at home.
Those
who have fathers and know them live in a distance relationship with the
father, seeing him 1-3 times a year at holidays when he comes home from
his job in a far-away city. This fatherless-ness has completely
destroyed the African understanding and placing of value on family.
Fathers are unnecessary, mothers rule and support the home, and poverty
is a can kicked down the road every time another teen mother gets
pregnant in order to receive yet another governmental "child" grant.
The
children are destitute of caring instruction and nurture, and yet few
are even aware of the drought of true parental love parching the land.
So the cycle continues. We are trying to break this generational sin and
misunderstanding by example and by teaching the few Christians under
our influence--and sometimes, by adopting the role of parent when it
seems that no one else is.
|
A young Christian father with his daughter and wife at church. |
Some
of our youth have become men and women now. We enjoy the adult
conversations, even though we also have tasted--before our children are
of age--that youthful "wisdom" that comes back from university ready to
instruct experienced wisdom on how to better change the world, mixed
with youthful blindness at the differences between village and city
ministry (for one example).
My mom always thought the 20s were
harder to parent than the teens; and I'm seeing that in our "adopted"
kids, as we wonder sometimes, how much to pick? How much to say? We hand
out dating advice, try to match some pairs up so they are not ensnared
by non-Christians, and Seth has pounded the pavement at a near town not a
few hours to find jobs for some of the young men.
|
Seth instructed high school students to clean up their classroom before beginning an outreach economics course last week. |
From
teaching youth in our pick-up truck to say "Thank you" for the lift,
and not to throw their trash out on the side of the road, to breaking up
literal fights between teen boys duking it out in front of our gate, to
mediating between shouting mothers and silent, rebellious daughters, we
have seen the importance of God's plan for the family.
To have so
many "children" is tiring and emotionally wearing, but it is a
necessity. Christian parents, step it up! Change your world (and your
kids' world)--by being a parent who follows Christ.